Even better, it's with a great company who wants to pay me 20% more than I was getting paid last year at this time (before the raise, but still awesome), and people who I like. I've worked there before as a short-term contract writer, and now I finally have a full-time place with them. Instead of technical writing, I'll be doing instructional design. It's a big career change. Instead of creating PDFs and online help, I'll make how-to videos. I don't know the software I'll be writing about, or many of the tools. Yet.
I was unemployed for 12 weeks, and went through several stages of grief (over and over). It was an awful time. Larissa commented shortly after I accepted my new job that she knew I'd be all right, and she hoped when I lost my job that I'd relax and enjoy my unemployment, and she knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't enjoy it -- and I didn't. I worry about money when I have a job, but not having a job was horrible.
Even so, I didn't jump into the search right away. I took a break until I went to New York. After that trip, there were weeks of terror and self-flagellation and stress and anxiety in regards to getting my resume ready, and looking for jobs, and interviewing*. I interviewed at my new company the first time right before FanX, and had two other interviews the next week. Interviewing is the absolute worst, you guys. People really DO ask questions like, "Name you five favorite/least favorite things" and "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Ugh. Thank goodness that first interview was with a friend, because my answers were rough.
When I got the call offering me the job, I was so, so sick. I thought the HR rep was going to say I didn't get it (he needs some work on his word choice and tone of voice), so I was shocked when he said I was the person they wanted. When he shared the proposed salary, I sat down on the carpet and quietly started crying. After all I'd been through, being rejected by my previous job and then again by multiple companies where I'd applied and who didn't even want to meet me, I was going to be okay.
*BTW, as of my latest job, I have received an offer for every job I've interviewed for since I was 23. The streak may not last forever, but it's pretty darn cool!
During this time of joblessness, I learned a lot about my relationship with God and with my Savior, Jesus Christ. They took amazing care of me. I went to the temple almost every week those first two months. He sent angels to buy me dinner and shower me with love and support. I had some trouble with unemployment, but miraculously the day I ran out of severance money, the first two unemployment checks finally landed in my bank account. When I was at my most low, I felt most strongly the support of the Holy Ghost. I was inspired to apply for the jobs I did when I did, and it lead me to where I know I need to be. I hated this trial, and I'm still not thrilled I had to go through it, but I am grateful that I did not deal with it alone.
I started my new job nearly two weeks ago. That first week was brutal. Learning about the new company, processes, software, job, people, and building was like drinking from a firehose. It still feels like that. I'm learning slowly. Add on the fact that I got used to taking naps in the afternoon and forgot how exhausting it is to work a full day. Monday and Tuesday last week, all I could do when I got home was sit on the couch and force myself to stay awake until bedtime. Falling asleep was no problem.My coworkers are crazy-supportive and kind and fun. Today at our daily stand-up, I realized that I feel like I belong. I like the four people with whom I spend the most time. I have other friends there who I have been out to lunch with a few times. It already feels like home in a way I never felt at my last workplace. I am lucky.
I am a different woman than I was in January. I don't know how long I will carry the scars of rejection and fear and loss from my layoff. Eventually, I'll feel confident in the work, and eventually I'll stop feeling resentful of and hurt by my previous job. It'll take time, but someday, I'll feel safe again.
It feels good to be useful. It feels good to not have to worry about where my next paycheck is coming from. It's a new beginning.
It's gonna be good.
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