Stressed and Blessed

Well, Christmas-time doesn't feel very Christmassy for me this year.

Perhaps it's because I'm not living at my parents' house anymore, and haven't been able to put up my own decorations due to lack of time and my belongings being every place but where they're supposed to be while I finish painting my newly-installed shelves.

Perhaps it's because the next release at work rolls out in the middle of January, which means we have to have all documentation-related stuff finished on January 9, which means I have to have everything written and passed off by January 2, which means I'll be trying to write my last twelve features in the next three weeks, not including Christmas and New Years Days.

Perhaps it's because the nights I'm not doing my show are already filled with FHE and dating (okay, one date) and other extra-curricular activities and I don't have any time to just sit around, unless it's after 11 pm. Perhaps it's because I've been staying up until after 1 am trying to find some time to myself and am of course exhausted.

I am completely stressed out, and have needed to cry for at least four days. That's why it was a relief when a child bit me today and I finally had the release to just cry and cry! I love the play, but I'm excited for when it's over and I can work late into the evening and just get things done. I am so excited to finish my shelves and put my condo back together. I can't wait for Aaron to come back into town and hope I get to spend some decent time with him. I'll miss Adam's family for Christmas Eve and Day, but I'm glad they get to spend some quality time with Lindsey's family. I don't fit into much of my clothes anymore, thankfully the sweaters cover up most of the awkwardness. I have waaaay too much money left to spend in my FSA spending account, but I'm having fun thinking of new things to do and buy to use as much of it up as I can before the deadline at the end of the year (two weeks?!). It's a different type of Christmas season for me. I guess that's what it is to be an adult.

So, since it hasn't been a conventional holiday season for me, I'm really making an effort to notice the little tender mercies Heavenly Father has been sending to me. For example, I was late to my FHE Committee meeting this morning, and as I made a U-turn to find the co-chair's house, I hit the frozen show on the other side of the street. There was a huge bang, and my heart sank as I imagined the flat tire, or dent in my front bumper. Payment for car repairs was all I needed. But when I parked and looked at the side of the car, there wasn't even a scratch! My car was fine, the tire was fine, I was fine.

I've also been very lucky driving the last couple of days in the snow. I heard today there were 200 accidents yesterday, but I didn't even get close to hitting anyone. Not only that, we had a full house at the play in spite of the snow! They were the best audience and all of us in the cast had a great time. Thanks again Wadsworth family for coming!

My cast also thought it hilarious I was tromping around in my snowboots between scenes yesterday. But, hey! My feet weren't cold! I am very grateful to Aubrey, and Sam, and Danny, and Dallin, and Rossy, and Amanda, and Brady, and Nolan, and the rest of the cast for making this such a gorgeous show and fun experience. They definitely make it worth it. I am glad I decided to be a part of this play!

The best of all, though, has been preparing for the sacrament Christmas program. We performed today (we generally perform early in the singles' ward because a lot of folks like to go out of town or to their family's wards the Sunday before Christmas). I had forgotten how fun it is to sing in a choir! After I got acclimated to choir-singing -- like being able to breathe during words, or not at the end of a phrase because someone else can pick up the slack -- I was able just to enjoy the comraderie. We sang "Wexford Carol", "Star Carol", "Lo, A Rose E'er Blooming", my favorite, "O Come, All Ye Faithful", and a few others. The last number was "The First Nowell" and the spirit was so strong and the music so lovely that all of us in the choir had a difficult time not crying through it! I love to sing more than anything else in this world, and am so grateful that I have so many opportunities.

I admit, I have forgotten these past two weeks to remember the reason for the season. I haven't felt the spirit and I have missed it terribly, though I didn't realize it. I determined today to spend more time during my personal study to focus on the teachings and mission of Jesus Christ. I can't help but feel that I will feel more peace as I strive to accomplish everything else I have committed to. I am thankful that as I sang today, my testimony of my Savior was strengthened, as was the knowledge of what I need to do to feel happiness again. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me. He is doing all He can to help and support me. I promise I will be more mindful of Him.

I am blessed.