A Facebook event, or "a servant is not just a dog to a prince"

I finally had the chance to create a Facebook event for Into the Woods (which opens in two weeks -- eep!), and I must say that I am already very, very grateful for those friends and acquaintances who plan to come, and those who even "maybe" might come. One person had accepted before I'd even invited her, and another posted on my wall within minutes stating she wants to get a big group to come together -- soooooo cool! It feels great to have so much support!

Poor little cinder girl. I think the jeggings
really complete the outfit, don't you?

On the flip side, it frustrates me when people click "No." It's the reason I don't like creating events. I am aware this is a totally irrational and probably universal frustration, as I say no to stuff all the time, we only have a few performances, and I've invited a few people I know perfectly well will not be able to make it but I wanted them to know I am thinking of them.

However, many of my friends are performers, and I go out of my way to see their plays, and see their cast if the show is double-cast. I've been to a LOT of plays this summer alone -- not quite all, but a lot. And when I see that these SAME people click "No" to MY play when I'm finally in one... it bothers me. The day after I created the event and invited pretty much everyone I know lives in town because I am very proud of this show already, I saw a friend had posted the following:

i hate getting on just to recieve a million invitations to events i dont care about....jeez

Um, this is the first event I've created in a year. We've done 2 plays together somewhat recently, and I've paid money and gone out of my way to see you in several others since then. Thanks a lot, man.

I get it -- a lot of people send events every two months to everyone on their list and, yeah, it can be annoying. It's one thing to think this (I know I do sometimes); it's another to put it as a Facebook status when the people who can see it are supposed to be your friends!! Jerk. Now I know to automatically reject anything he sends me in the near future.


It makes me feel like they're saying "My event was way more important and awesome than your little production." And then my self-doubt kicks in and I think maybe theirs did have more consequence than mine, and I feel slightly less excited about my own play. And I wonder how much they like me, and then I wonder if I shouldn't try so hard or if I should try harder to maintain whatever level of friendship we have.

Sometimes I'd rather people just don't respond than say no. It's just deflating when I see that more people have said no than yes and maybe combined. Fortunately, we aren't there yet.

I'll stop whining now. I'm really not that upset about it.

My mom once told me that if I go through life keeping score I'm going to end up unhappy. She is absolutely right and I have to remind myself of this fact often. Like I said, I say no to stuff all the time, and I can't hold other people to my practice of supporting as many friends and lesser friends as I can in whatever they're doing (but if I didn't go to their events once in awhile, I'd never see some of those people). When I do say no, I feel terribly guilty. Often, I at least post a note apologizing and telling them to break a leg.

To remedy this frustration, I am willing myself not to look at the "No" list. What I don't know won't kill me, and I'd much rather be grateful for those who DO come, than be annoyed at those who don't. I think that's what bugs me about that kid's post. It wouldn't have bothered me he wasn't coming if he hadn't made such a big, bratty deal about it. Now I want to look at the "No" list to see if he's on it... but I won't. It won't make me feel any better.

Because, let's face it, I've had an overwhelmingly positive response to my Into the Woods event. My cast members are even using it to invite their friends, and the resulting numbers are really exciting! A lot of really, really terrific people are planning to come to my play. People who I adore and who flatter me tremendously by putting my event on their schedules. People I think are ridiculously talented, and I know are very busy, and whose opinions mean a lot to me. People who have to find babysitters or set aside money or who are willing to come even though they don't like the play and/or composer. People I haven't seen in awhile who just want to support me. People who don't know me at all but know others in the play so are making the effort to support them. People who don't know anyone involved with the play but like theatre and/or the play and/or just want something to do for less than the price of a movie ticket. So many people that I'm starting to feel glad that I created the event, rather than frustrated that the results briefly punctured my self-esteem.

The last thing I want is to feel bitter and deflated. I love my play! I'm excited about it! It's going to be really good! My cast is freakishly talented, and I'm proud that I'm figuring out the music and remembering the lyrics (Sondheim is not an easy composer to follow). I truly believe this will be a terrific play, and I cannot wait to share it with everyone. I wish there were more than four performances!

Thank you to all of you who have already clicked, "Yes!" I hope you all can come!