People still get married?

Newlyweds David and Michelle
My best friend from high school, married May 28, 2011

At church this weekend, I was talking with a small group of fellow single people (unsurprising, since my entire ward is made up of unmarried people). I forget exactly what we were talking about, but one of the men mentioned that one of his friends had just become engaged. Then he joked:

"When he told me, I thought, 'Whoa, people still get married?'"

At first, I felt annoyed because I thought this was the problem with the young single men in my circles -- marriage isn't even on their radar! (Forgive me, I know it was unfair to mentally accuse the wide world of men of being the problem.) Then I realized that his statement highlights something I knew to be true about myself but didn't want to admit:

I am used to being single.

Gone are the days in college when I had a friend or two or three getting married every couple of months. Back then, it seemed totally commonplace and was always on every body's minds. Now, whenever one of my friends gets married, it's a big deal because, let's face it, we're older and not only do good mates seem harder to come by, but we're more set in our ways, and sometimes have difficulty finding time to date, let alone giving an interested guy a chance.

The two "single" friends at Michelle's wedding.
Thankfully, nobody called us that to our faces.

I don't kid myself that I have some kind of glamorous life like the ladies on Sex and the City or something (I hope anyone living vicariously through me isn't too disappointed). I go to work, I go to church, I see my friends and family, I go on dates, I sometimes do a play. My life is a good one, but except for the occasional vacation or random, random adventure, it's pretty ordinary. It's my own, personal form of ordinary.

I realized on Sunday that I'm no longer expecting to find love at any moment, like I was in college or even a few years ago. I still think about it all the time, and I want to share my life with someone. But, I've come to think of marriage in a nebulous "somehow, someday" way. The constant struggle to compete with other women for the "few" good men out there, not let the stress of my ticking biological clock overwhelm me, and accept that no matter how fun, smart, pretty, spiritual, active, etc I may be I still might not be my date's ideal woman  became too much somewhere along the line, and I backed off. I stopped actively pursuing love. It's still a dream, but it stopped being a goal.

To be fair, it took me a long time to accept my "singleness." I put off many life choices because I didn't want to have to face them alone. For example, buying my condo was tough. It was hard to accept that I would not be buying my first home with my husband like I always thought I would. However, taking that step was amazing for my confidence. Making that step made me feel like I was in control of my fate. I am independent. I can support myself. I am stronger and more capable than I ever would have believed.

It's hard to imagine fitting another person, let alone children, into my current reality. The idea of a family in my house feels incredibly foreign. Obviously things will change -- I will change -- between now and then and I'll have to make sacrifices. Hopefully, my experiences will prepare me and make me more willing to accept them! After all, people get married every day. What could be more ordinary then that?

How does one make plans for a such an unstable future? When my ideal life has always centered around a family of my own, how do I decide what to do if I don't have one? My life as a single woman has had meaning thus far. Would that continue? Will I accomplish all the things I need to in order to help the world be a better place, or even just be happy? These questions haunt me.

But when I consider a possible future as an always-single woman, it becomes painful to hold onto the marriage dream, too. I am tempted to embrace my singlehood and reject the heartache that comes with the search for a mate. Yet, the idea of living my entire life alone is terrifying. Much as I enjoy my life as it is, I don't want it to stay the same forever!

I have no idea what will happen two days, two years, or two decades from now. Nobody does.

Friends tell me they don't worry about whether I'll get married. "Of course you will," according to them. I wish I had the confidence in myself they seem to have in me! Sometimes I wish they would worry about me just a bit more. Worrying all by myself can be exhausting ;-)

As I watched my friend Michelle marry her sweetheart two weeks ago, I was inspired by the hope in her eyes. She had no idea what lay in store for her, but she chose to spend it with David and she knew that as they worked together they would figure it out. I cried and wished that I felt that hope, too. I don't want to be pessimistic and afraid! I want to believe that good things are in my future!

So, I keep plugging along, doing what I know how to do and finding ways to be proactive -- not just with dating, but with everything. I continue to learn about myself and the world, look for opportunities to meet and encourage prospective friendships and dates, maintain the friendships I cherish, and try to keep myself open to the changes that will inevitably come. I fight the fear that my life will remain stagnant -- impossible because nothing does. I dare to hope that through my actions and God's will my dream of a husband and family will come true.

And then, of course, I'll discover a whole new world of possibilities and unforeseen problems, and my life will adopt a new form of "ordinary."

All of a sudden, I'm excited about this unstable, unknowable future! I have no idea what's going to happen! And predictably, ridiculously, I want to know what it's going to be. I want to know RIGHT NOW.

Since that's impossible, I'll just enjoy my current brand of normal and ordinary for as long as it lasts, because as I understand it, when things change they change a lot and faster than I could ever expect!

What have I been up to?

*Updated at 10:45pm*

Whenever people ask me what I've been up to, I feel a little embarrassed. I'm busy all the time, but not with many things most would consider exciting. My post-vacation letdown has given way to auditions, time with friends and family, work, work, and work... I'm just happily plugging away at life and looking forward to the glorious summer months.

Still, I thought it might be time to catch all y'all up a bit. So here's the scoop:

• Last month, I auditioned for three plays. I felt great about my auditions and the callbacks were AWESOME! Seriously, my performance self-esteem is through the roof right now. I was surprised to read for the lead at two of the callbacks and although I didn't get the part in either, I had a marvelous time and am really excited about those who are playing them. There are several more auditions this and next month that I'm looking forward to. I'll keep you posted.
• My friend Michelle got married a few weeks ago. I hadn't been to a wedding in ages, and definitely not one where I was invited to the temple ceremony and lunch in addition to the reception. The all-day event made for a fun day and I am happy for her.

• I was sick most of last week, possibly due to allergies, and possibly because of something else. All I know is I was really dizzy and tired and it was right after I'd spent a lot of time in the pollen-filled wind and hanging out at a house with a dog. Of course, I'd been wheezing several days before the symptoms really kicked in... I don't know. I feel better now and that's what's important.
• Memorial Day happened to be the day I felt the most sick. Luckily, my friends are pure awesome, and Larissa didn't mind changing plans from seeing Pirates and shopping to bringing me baked potatoes and ice cream (to be eaten separately) and hanging out at my house for several hours. Truthfully, it turned into a pretty awesome day. Thanks again for taking care of me, and not letting me feel guilty, Larissa!
• Last Friday, when I was luckily feeling better, my Seven Brides cast from last year had a mini-reunion and chatted, ate s'mores, and delighted in watching a video of the show. Seven Brides was my favorite show ever, and I was thrilled to see everyone again. I can't believe it's been a year already since we were all together; we need to see each other more! I'm sad that I'll be out of town for the wedding of two cast members who met during our show. With this group, it's bound to be a great party!

"Good morning, my brothers!"

"Oh, girls! I'm so very happy to see you all!"

• I am super-excited about my summer wardrobe (do I say this every time the weather changes? If I do, I'm sorry). I love my skirts and dresses and sandals. I'm wearing a skirt right now. And it's always fun to throw new outfits together, or what feels like a new outfit because I haven't been able to show them off for nearly a year!

• On Sunday, we celebrated my older brother Adam's birthday. My dad gave him remote control cars which were a huge hit as far as my nephew and I are concerned. We had a blast zooming them under and around the three cars parked in the driveway and watching the girls run after them. Actually, I'm not sure that Adam got to play with that particular gift at all. We also gorged ourselves on terrific food: grilled steak, potatoes, chocolate-covered strawberries, Caesar salad, rolls, shrimp scampi (which I skipped), and cherry pie. That Adam has great taste in food, family, and entertainment. Glad I could share in the celebration! Happy birthday month, Adam!
• I went mini-golfing last night with my ward. This is significant because 1) I got to spend more time with my friend Wendy and 2) ward activities really haven't been on my radar lately. It's not as though I get to Monday, skip Family Home Evening and feel guilty. I honestly haven't even remembered that FHE was an option. I listen to the announcements on Sunday and immediately forget them. But Wendy reminded me that with the influx of new members there are several cute new guys and it's always good to broaden my horizons (especially when mini-golfing requires small groups). So I went, and I had a lot of fun! Hooray for spending time outside now that it's finally warm (for now)!

With a score of 56, I won third place within our group of seven; I was shocked by my good fortune. It certainly wasn't skill!

The lovely Miss Wendy

• I've seen the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie twice, Thor, Something Borrowed, and X-Men: First Class. Next on my list are 17 Miracles, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Jane Eyre and Rango if they're still in theaters.
• I'm rewatching Grey's Anatomy. Just for fun. And I'm part of a group that gets together on Sundays to catch up on Mad Men. I've seen it all before, but it's so wonderful! I love great characters and great storytelling.
• Oh, and I'm part of another group that gets together once a month to watch the animated Disney movies in order. Once we've finished, we plan to take an epic -- yes, EPIC -- trip to Disney World!

"Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks"! - The Emperor's New Groove (which we'll watch sometime next year)

Image borrowed from the Disney fan page on Facebook. They have some great artwork on there.

• I finally published a post about finally seeing Daniel Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Broadway. I hyped it so much beforehand, I want to make sure you don't miss my recap. The show was fantastic!

That's about it. I have quite a few friends in quite a few plays coming up, movies to see, plays to audition for, swimming to do, juggling to learn (actual, not metaphorical), books to read, friends to visit... just plugging along. It does manage to fill my time in an entertaining and satisfying way!

2nd Half of the Western Caribbean Trip

Continued from Ist Half of the Western Caribbean Trip

Our fifth day was probably my favorite one. Shonni and I went ziplining in Isla Roatan (off the coast of Honduras) and it was the COOLEST THING EVER! I had been repelling, but never ziplining before. We talked the lady at the Pirates of the Caribbean Canopy Extreme tour down to $40 from $80, including the transportation to and from the zipline (Shonni asked my permission to play the "my friend just lost her job card" and it worked). We weren't sure at first what the helmets were for; if we fell from the zipline we didn't believe the helmets would help. We decided they were for the jeep ride to the first zipline, because it was crazy bumpy and we hit our heads on the top of the jeep a lot! That first line was intimidating. It was the highest up (328 feet) and also the longest, so jumping off that platform was freaky. What a rush!! I loved it! The rest of the lines were a snap, barring a few where I wasn't heavy enough to make it to the end and had to be rescued. I would recommend ziplining to anyone who asked. It was so fun!

After the zipline, we had 20 minutes to play at a beach before we had to get back to the ship. Below is my favorite photo of myself from the trip. Pretty much sums up the whole experience for me.

That night on the ship, we had a midnight party on the Lido (top) deck. We danced under the stars, ate a mexican buffet, and cheered for our team when we won the "attendance" competition. (Did I mention that the ship was split into teams based on our room number? We received points for the various games we played during the cruise. I have no doubt my Red Team won, but I don't know what the prize was...)

[below: me, cruise director Ryan, and Shonni at the deck party]

Day six, Aaron, Shonni and I joined a group for some snorking and swimming with stingrays in Grand Cayman. Our tour guides took us out to a sandbar off the coast where there were a plethora of stingrays swimming around. It was a little freaky at first to be standing around and then realize three stingrays where swimming past me. I made good use of my snorkle mask. Stingrays are so elegant and smooth (I shied away from the tales). Our guides even caught one, and took photos as we all held it, kissed it, and let it rest on our backs. I was terrible at holding that thing -- too nervous. I dropped it four times so they had to chase it down. Finally they said, "Why don't we have your brother hold it and we'll take a picture of the two of you?" That worked! After the stingrays, regular snorkeling was a letdown, but at least we got it in!


That night was the second formal night. I love this dress and the purple shoes, but I was genuinely surprised at all of the compliments I received!

I also took the opportunity to get my Dolly Parton on during my last foray into karaoke. I sang "9 to 5" which I thought was deliciously ironic because not only were we on vacation, but I had just lost my job. Ah, irony! It went well and felt good, even though I kept my eyes glued to the screen to make sure I had the words right. A couple strangers even asked when I would be singing again (sadly, I did not have another chance).

Below is a photo of a group singing jazz songs. Jared is an amazing pianist and brought a book of songs with him. We found a piano and sang songs like "Stormy Weather", "Someone to Watch Over Me", and "I Got Rhythm." How I love to sing! And singing at midnight with a great pianist rocks!


Aaron and I, the last day of the cruise. I miss sitting out in the sporadic sun and constant wind of the moving ship! Michelle and I even slid down the water slide several times -- hooray for warm weather! I had run out of sunscreen by that point. Luckily, I only got a mild tan rather than a nasty sunburn. I freely acknowledge that I deserved worse. I was still the whitest person on the ship, but at least I could show off a tan line!

[below: Michelle and me]

There was a Canadian country singer named Brett Kissel on the ship. He was there for a "cruise tour" and had quite the fan following. Michelle and I watched his last concert on board, and I must say, I'm a fan. (Yes, I don't hate country music.) He is quite good!

After dinner, pretty much everyone on the ship piled into the cabaret to watch the Legends karaoke show, starring our fellow cruise guests. It was hilarious! Nothing better than watching regular people like you and me impersonate such music legends as Madonna, Aretha Franklin, Elton John, and Frank Sinatra. The Frank Sinatra singer was probably the highlight. He had been left in Cozumel (day 3) and had to take a series of buses to meet us in Belize! (I am so, so glad it wasn't me. At least he spoke Spanish!) He altered the second verse of "My Way" to tell his tale; the rest of us cheered and applauded wildly. Doesn't hurt he was a good singer, too!

I danced in the disco and hung out with newfound friends until about 3 am. It was hard getting up at 6:30 to get off the ship. I should have just slept in since my flight wasn't until 2:35pm, but when I got to the airport at 9:30, one of the check-in people took pity on me and bumped me to an earlier flight. Not only did I get to leave at 11:30, but it was a direct flight to Houston. Before I had two layovers (in Minneapolis and Houston) before getting home, now I only had one! I didn't, however, get bumped to an earlier flight to Salt Lake, so I had an 8 hour layover in Houston. I spent the time sleeping, reading Outlander, and watching CNBC on the big screen by my terminal. It was a long day, but not a bad one :^D I got home at 11:30pm, and was glad that my luggage was there to greet me! I was even more glad to hug my mom when she picked me up.

Like I said in the previous post. It was a great trip and I'm glad I got to go! I'm glad I paid for it all three months ago so I could just go and enjoy. It's always hard coming home, but at least I have new friends and fabulous memories! Can't wait for my next trip, whatever it may be!

1st Half of the Western Caribbean Trip

My cruise to the Caribbean was awesome! I can't believe it's over already, but it was just about as good a vacation as I could have wished for. Plenty of dancing, karaoke, tropical weather, gorgeous scenery, and fun people to play with! It was rainy and cloudy most of the trip, but since the "cold" was a good 70 degrees I won't complain too loudly! I am so glad I got to go! Perfect timing :)


First day: I took a red-eye flight to Miami, and found Shonni (above) after we had both checked in and made our way onto the boat (here, I am pictured with the first of many, many soft-serve ice cream cones). We were roommates with two girls we didn't know but who were great. That first day was spent mostly hanging around the ship meeting people, attending a mixer, eating really, really tasty food, and sleeping through the introductory cabaret show. Busy day!

[below: Shonni and I with our creme brules]

The second day was our first day out to sea. There was lots of volleyball, laying out, and, yes, ice cream. I was proud to wear my new swimsuit. I feel so sassy in it!


Also, that first night at dinner was a "formal" night. I absolutely loved my purple dress! I can't wait for another opportunity to wear it in public. It was fun seeing everyone dressed to the nines! The photo below is of Shonni and I with our two charming dining partners, Jared and Pat. We were assigned a table near the front doors, so we had plenty of opportunity to greet friends and take photos as they came in. It was fun to share meals with them each night, talking about what we had done that day and making plans for the next. They were good guys.

[above: posing with a "Zonkey" - zebra and donkey - which I think has something to do with a restaurant]

Day three, we stopped at Cozumel. I joined Michelle B and her friends at Playa Mia for some sun, relaxation, and swimming in the ocean. The water was colder than I thought it would be, but it was worth it to swim out to the trampoline just offshore. Michelle and I even kayaked for awhile (and sang, too, of course. We love to harmonize). I had wanted to spend at least one day at the beach -- I got my wish and it was a wonderful day!
[below: Michelle, my brother Aaron, and I at the beach. Notice the newly acquired braids and beads around my face.]


That night, I tried out to impersonate Britney Spears in the final night's karaoke "Legends" show. I didn't get the part, but at least I lost to someone freakishly talented. Aaron tried out for Ricky Martin and lost to a guy who did not sing well and looked horrible without a shirt on (I know this because he removed it during the performance and it was funny but painful to watch). Michelle and I later sang "My Boyfriend's Back" and we both agree it was a disaster. She didn't know the song very well, and my voice was failing. Oh, well.

I discovered on the first day that my cousin Shelby was on the cruise, too! Small world, eh? We didn't spend much time together, but she and Aaron sang at least one karaoke song together. (There was a lot of karaoke going on with our group.)

[below: me, Aaron, and Shelby]

Day four, we took a ferry to Belize, where Shonni and I joined a big group for some cave tubing. We hiked through a gorgeous, lush jungle and then floated through some caves and then in the sunshine while wearing head lamps. It was nice and relaxing, but not terribly exciting. Now that I've done it I probably don't need to do it again. The group we were with was really fun, though, and I met a guy with a British accent, of which I am always a fan!


Continued in 2nd Half of the Western Caribbean Trip.

Gettin' Outta Here!

My Caribbean cruise is coming up fast! Finally! I am so glad I had the foresight last summer to sign up for this trip. I really, really need this vacation and I cannot wait. Tropical beaches! Terrific food! Fabulous friends! Ensuing hilarity! Sunny sun (I hope)! I am excited that my brother Aaron, my best friend Michelle, her friend Brooke, and my friend Shonni are all coming. With them around, every place we go will become a dance party! Aaron even speaks Spanish, which will be most convenient where we're going. Oh, and Michelle has a reliable source that says the South Jordan Fire Department will be on this cruise with us. Sweeeeet!

I've done waaaay too much -- and yet just the right amount -- of shopping in the last couple of weeks. I have some really cute clothes! I love my sassy new swimsuit so much I put heels on and pretended to be Karen from Mean Girls. And I bought the most ROCKIN' purple cocktail dress and shoes last week at Macy's, both of which were 75% off! I would like at least one more suit, and I am in need of flip-flops; otherwise I think I'm ready to go, apparel-wise.

I am SO READY to get out of town!

Me in St. Maartens in 2008

A Good Week

Last week was a really good one. Of course, it was riding on the coattails of the week after I had surgery and was knocked out with drugs, so there was plenty to improve on!

First off, I called my periodontist office Tuesday and they told me I could ease into smiling again. I admit I didn't ease -- I started smiling again outright, at least for the first couple of days. After that I could feel my gums pulling on the stitches, so I reached what I feel is a happy medium, although when I practice in the mirror I realize it looks a little odd. My mouth is already crooked, so the crooked smile makes it super-crooked, and the side I'm smiling with doesn't turn up as much as the side I leave stationary. Oh well... I'm smiling with my eyes and feel happy!

Wednesday I got to see my friends in Seussical the Musical at Midvale Park. It was so fun! I sat with Stephanie M and her husband Troy, and they were sweet to let me hold their baby for a good half hour. Such a cute baby and cute parents! The play was awesome -- I've had the songs in my head ever since. Elisha and Candice and everyone were fantastic in their roles, and it was easy to tell everybody was having a ton of fun, including the audience. I am very proud of my friends on the pro team and onstage. I wanted to see the show again Saturday night, but circumstances got away from me!

Troy and Peanut

Thursday I took my friend Michelle B and her daughter, Abbie to see Beauty and the Beast at the Murray Park Ampitheatre. Michelle loves the music but had never seen the show, and she was thrilled to take her daughter. Abbie was tired and grumpy at the start -- 8pm is her bedtime -- but by the end she was standing up and her eyes were wide. The play was wonderful! Each scene just got better and better, and I cried during "If I Can't Love Her". I never realized just how lonely the Beast is, and how I can relate sometimes. After the play I found the Black family (friends from Bye Bye Birdie who were in Beauty and the Beast) to tell them how much I enjoyed the play. Another one I would have seen twice if I had the time!

Friday Michelle and her boyfriend tried to get a group together to see the Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti. Since it was last minute, only they and I ended up going. I adore Michelle and Ryan, though, and the three of us had a lot of fun. Michelle and I drove to Provo where Ryan had dinner waiting, then we all drove down to Manti just as the show started. I'd never been before and was surprised at how long it was, and how much it affected me spiritually. I enjoyed the message and was reminded of a few things that I needed to hear. When the show was over, we waited around at the temple grounds, then ate some ice cream in an attempt to avoid the traffic. Ryan has been introducing Michelle to the music from Wicked, and we're all hoping to take a trip somewhere so Michelle can see the play (and us, too, of course), so we sang and talked and laughed all the way home. I didn't get home until 2am, but I loved it!

I had about six things I wanted to do Saturday, but ended up only getting to three: laundry, cleaning my apartment, and going to the temple. It was a lovely, relaxing day. Something I very much needed. I even took the time to straighten my hair for the first time since the Experiment in January. I love my curly hair, but sometimes it's nice to just brush and brush as much as I want and still have it look good. Oddly, I don't really like people making a big deal about the change. I don't know why that is.

The meetings at church on Sunday were great for me. I'm having a hard time getting aquainted with people -- many are nice, but I haven't really clicked with anyone although I've been there a good eight months. Most of the time I make an effort to sit next to someone so I don't feel so solitary, especially if that person is also sitting by themselves. In Relief Society, the lesson was on provident living (or living on a budget within your means), and the teacher had a bunch of us admit to things we'd purchased lately we probably don't really need. I said stickers for my pedicures, because I was too embarassed to admit I saw the Star Trek movie four times in the last month; it's a good movie! In Sunday School, the lesson was on the signs of the last days. I even had a few comments to make. Unfortunately, that teacher didn't see me on the right side of the room, so after about three minutes of raising my hand without him noticing me, I interrupted him. It's rare that I actually have something I want to say out loud, and I was grateful that I had insight into the topic. It meant I learned more than I normally would have. The talks in Sacrament Meeting were about temple attendence. Although I'd been the day before, I was also grateful for their words. I should go to the temple more often than I do. I'm pretty busy, but I'm not quite that busy.

Today was my brother Peter's birthday, but we celebrated yesterday with a big Sunday dinner as is our custom. Peter's girlfriend's family came, too, so I got to meet them for the first time. I can't describe how tasty the meal Mom prepared was (teriyaki chicken, rice, salad, french bread with butter, and squash cooked in italian dressing, and yellow cake with chocolate frosting and vanilla ice cream), or how nice Jordyn's family is. We had a great time chatting, getting to know each other, and watching Peter open presents. He is such a good guy -- truly a reason to celebrate. I'm going to miss him when he goes away to school in the fall!

Peter and Jordyn

This week has all the potential of being another good one, in spite of evening meetings for work tomorrow. Tonight I went to family home evening, enjoyed the speaker, met some new people, and talked with some I already know. I'd call that a success! I'm looking forward to the holiday weekend! Hooray for three days off from work!

When It Rains It Pours

I am learning that I have pretty much no control over anything going on in my life...and I don't like it. But, I do have to deal with it. I am really tightly wound. I've cried so much in the last five days that I now have a perpetual crying headache. I did not want to work today. I wanted to lie down on the floor under my desk, cry for a little bit, and then take a nap. I would prefer to have this meltdown at home, but since my car died yesterday, I don't have a way get home until Laren and I go out tonight which I am really, really looking forward to. I love Laren! I love that we go to so many plays together, and we're seeing Oklahoma together tonight. We were going to go on Friday, but it turns out she has Seussical rehearsal Friday and we are both free tonight instead.

But I digress (how I love that phrase!). My latest disaster is that my car died yesterday. Ironically, I had already been planning on taking it to the shop today and had even called the mechanic to let him know I was coming. At the time, my engine oil was leading, and my battery and brake lights were lit up on the dashboard. Not horrible, right?

Well, yesterday I went out for lunch and noticed that my radio played for about a minute and then died. This happened on the way to Einstein's Bagels and then when I drove back to work. Odd. After I left work at 8pm, I drove over to Cold Stone because I very much wanted ice cream in spite of the wonderfully splooshy rainstorm. Once I had some ice cream to-go, I decided that I should get some more gasoline, because I was just under a half tank, so I got on I-215 going West and then took the 280 E. exit in search of Sam's Club. At that point, I noticed that my windshield wipers were moving more and more slowly...

And then, while I was making the left hand turn from the freeway ramp onto Windermere, my car started to move more and more slowly. I had the gas pedal on the floor and it was barely moving. I made the mistake of taking my foot off the gas, hoping that reapplying my foot would somehow rev the engine, but there was no response. I was just past the intersection, crawling down the street on nothing but inertia, and the inertia was dying. All I wanted was to reach the parking lot. I got so far as the entrance to the parking lot when inertia ran out. So, I put my car in neutral (not an easy task since all electricity was completely unresponsive) and got out to push.

In the rain.

With my injured arm.

For a minute, it didn't occur to me that the only way I'd be able to turn into the parking lot was if someone were at the steering wheel. I thought I could just push the nose of the car. Nope! I did manage to stop it before it crashed into a jeep at the entrance that had been hoping to turn left.

I will forever be grateful to the driver of that jeep. The young man got out of his car and volunteered to push mine so that I could steer. His girlfriend took over his jeep, and the man pushed me into the parking lot. Then he asked if I had anyone to call. I assured him I'd be fine and encouraged him and his girlfriend to go do whatever they had previously planned.

You know, it's not the first time Heavenly Father has sent me someone to help when I've had car trouble. Often when I have a flat tire, a minivan will stop, and a middle-aged man and his teenage son will take care of me (although I know how to change a tire, I've never actually done it on my own). I worry as a woman who usually drives alone that a man might take advantage of my situation, so I'm always grateful when it's a man with his teenage son, wife, or girlfriend. I hope they are blessed for helping me. It's really the coolest thing.

I called my mom first to tell her what was going on and ask for a ride. Then I called triple-A. Ironically again, I was parked outside of the Fashion Place Mall Sears Auto Center. I gave the guy on the phone the directions and told him what had happened, and he said someone should be along in half an hour. I ate my ice cream, read a bit of my book, and tried not to think about the possibility of buying a new car. If I have to buy a car then I'll need a roommate, and my fortress of solitude will disappear. Then again, maybe I could use the social network that would likely ensue, the cute green room will finally be occupied (I adore that room but never spend any time in there), and few people could be worse to live with than my last roommate (which is why I haven't had one in at least four years).

I called my friend Michelle B. Turns out she was just up the street and offered to wait with me. Somehow, I accidently put my phone on silent, so that wait became over an hour. It gave me time though to vent and cry with my best friend. It just felt so good to complain and talk. She went through similar problems a few months ago and now things are great, so the hope she offered was nice too!

We discovered at 9:45 that my phone had been on silent and the tow truck driver had tried to call at 9pm. I called his company and it was then we found out he'd been sent to the wrong Sears Auto Center, so he couldn't have found me anyway. Triple-A sent someone nearby within 15 minutes and didn't charge me for the trip. Yay! I called my parents, told them Michelle would give me a ride home, and asked my mom if she'd be willing to give me a ride to work the next morning, which she was.

Michelle and I ended up getting spinach dip and raspberry lemon cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory (we ate them separately) and talking for awhile. It was nice having some one-on-one time with her. She gave me a ride home and let me proudly show off the latest stage of my condo. I was up late, but it was worth it!

I talked to the mechanic this morning, and let him know about the new problems. He said most of the issue may have to do with the battery or the alternator or both. He's supposed to call me sometime today with an estimate. I loathe being without a car and this week is especially busy. The timing stinks!

My friend Emily A says that hard times are holy. I believe that is true. Those are times when I reexamine my relationship with Heavenly Father and redetermine my priorities. I am forced to grow up which apparently I need right now. I need to at least teach myself it's okay not to be in control, and learn to have a lot more faith than I have of late. Hopefully, once I've figured all this out, I can clear the way for blessings (and other trials, too, probably), or at least recognize the blessings better.

Meanwhile, I've been cheering myself up by thinking of ways my life could be worse (because it definitely could). Last night I had a horrifying dream that made me wake up and think: "I'm glad I don't have to deal with that!" Sometimes when I'm stressed and then I have dreams like that, I think Heavenly Father must have a sense of humor. My right arm still hurts, my left arm is starting to feel the strain, I have periodontal surgery this week and no dental insurance, I'm drowning at work, I'm in a relationship loop, and now my car has died, but all is not lost. I have a great job with wonderful coworkers, darling friends, events to look forward to, nieces who are finally home from the hospital, parents who are always willing to help, money in my savings account, and a roof over my head. Even writing this post makes me feel a lot more cheerful. Heavenly Father is showering me with tender mercies that punctuate the rough times, and I am grateful.

I will get through this. I will. I just wish I could take two or three days off from all of the rest of my life to recoup. I need a relaxing vacation, soon!

Many Milestones

Every once in awhile, I think of the biblical phrase "marrying and giving in marriage." It's used to illustrate times when there are no big earth-shattering events, just day to day living, because what is more normal than people getting married, going to work, raising children, having birthdays and so forth? It's a relevant phrase in the scriptures and in my own life.

This last week was been a lovely one, where I've seen my friends go through milestones in their lives. None are terribly exciting to the outside world, but each have changed for the better the lives of the people involved.

My friends Brandon Rufener and Kate Lowder were married on Memorial Day Monday. I was privileged to attend the rehearsal barbecue the night before, and the actual ceremony. I smiled wide when I saw Brandon walk to his place wearing green socks, and I nearly started crying when I saw how incandescently beautiful Kate looked in her brilliant gown, veil, flowers, and pink shoes. They had been planning this day for a year, and everyone there was thrilled it wasn't rained out! It was fun to watch Kate and Brandon dance and socialize, and her gorgeous bridesmaids running around taking photos, making sure the bride and groom were happy, and ensuring there were no huge problems. I visited with many loved friends there. It was truly a celebration to remember. I am excited to see how Kate and Brandon's life together affects each of them and the changes they will no doubt make to the world around them. Congratulations, you two!

Tuesday, Michelle B called me to invite me to an impromptu barbecue in honor of her 30th birthday. Michelle hadn't been looking forward to that particular milestone, so her new boyfriend took her on vacation to southern Utah for the actual big day. Sounds like they had a great time! By the time I arrived at the party on Tuesday all the food was gone, but all I wanted to do was talk with my friend anyway. That's when I learned about the new boyfriend (whom I know well and fully approve of for her). Apparently, Michelle's daughter absolutely loves Ryan and already wants them to get married. She wanted Michelle to ask him if they could get married... how do you explain to a 5 year old about adult long-term relationships? It was pretty funny. I'm just excited for her. Michelle deserves to be with a guy who will make her laugh and completely adore her and her little girl, and Ryan does that for her. Her ex-husband didn't and isn't doing a good job of making either of them feel wanted. I'm trying not to get my hopes up about her and Ryan... but they already are :^D

My nieces Zoe and Summer are finally sleeping in cribs, wearing clothing, gaining significant weight, and successfully using a bottle. The nurses even let my mom hold Summer earlier in the week (only the parents had been allowed thus far), and Adam got to give Summer a bath yesterday. Big steps! It's only a matter of time until they can come home!

G-unit graduated from pre-school on Friday, which means he'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall. That's crazy! He's such an intelligent, articulate, creative, picky, bossy, happy kid. Lindsey and Adam threw him a party Friday night and invited my parents and brothers and I. We ate pizza and cupcakes, talked with each other, and played several board games with G. He showed off his new room (he moved downstairs so the girls can be close to Mom and Dad), and we laughed hysterically while I used his stuffed orangatang as a puppet while singing "I Wanna Be Like You" from Disney's Jungle Book. It's been really fun watching him become so self-sufficient and yet so personable. How I love him!

I saw Spotlight Production's Pride and Prejudice (the one I auditioned for and decided not to do) on Saturday. I have been regretting for a few weeks now that I chose not to do it. I love the story and the language and the characters but at the time it was the right choice to make. I talked with director Brighton at the show and she said I had been her first choice for Jane. As I talked with her, I realized how much it would have meant to Brighton for me to do the show, as I was one of the first people she'd met in the theatre community. She was kind and super-excited to see me, but I felt very keenly how much I'd disappointed her. Well, hindsight is always 20/20. I hope that I have another chance both to work with Brighton and to be in Pride and Prejudice. It was still a great show without me! I was most excited to see Kate S. play Elizabeth. I met her during the callback, and almost did the show just to play Jane with her. She told me about how passionate she is about the book and the characters, and it came through in her performance. She and Mr. Darcy were great together. It was a well-done production (especially the second act). I am seriously considering seeing their final performance tonight.

Yesterday, I attended Allyson H's farewell. Allyson played Laurey when I was Ado Annie in Oklahoma!, and Fiona when I played Jeannie in Brigadoon, so we've had the opportunity to become pretty close. As I listened to her talk, I realized how jealous I am of her! I always wanted to serve a temple/visitor's center mission (I love Latter-day Saint church history), and she has the whole thing ahead of her. My mission seems so far away sometimes. I leafed through my missionary journals on Saturday while I finally unpacked them, and was surprised how much I didn't remember, how much I'd admired and loved my companions, and the depth and strength of my testimony. I look forward to learning some of Allyson's experiences and about the lessons she'll learn. It was a wonderful meeting. I gave her a hug afterwards and wished her luck (her dad spotted me and said "Is this the girl who can't say no?"). I'm glad I went!

So many lives changing; so many happy events. It was a full and happy week! This week promises not to be as busy, but I am looking forward to finally hosting a baby shower for Lindsey with our relatives. Keep your fingers crossed that it goes well. I'm a little nervous to be the hostess!