A Boys' Club

I like my job! It's taken me a couple of months to get to this point, but I am relieved. I know the first little while is always stressful, and I'm still not quite up to speed with my projects and I'm still anticipating another project to be integrated into my daily routine, but I'm feeling more comfortable, more accepted, more on top of things, and... well, just happier.

It's funny though: as one of few women in the office, I feel very much like I'm intruding on a boys' club sometimes. It's kind of like when I served a mission for my church, and learned after 4 months of being in a certain district that all of the Elders got together every Monday to play basketball and had never thought to include my companion (another woman) and I. I understood. I mean, sometimes boys just want to hang out with other boys because they can act differently than they would if girls are around (girls do this too -- I'm not imposing some double-standard). But it still hurt. After all, we were missionaries too and suddenly felt like we didn't belong. My respect and trust for those Elders diminished a little that day. If they had told us this was going on an explained why we hadn't been invited it would have shown my companion and I that at least they respected us. When the truth did come out, it was awkward. Oh well. They were young and so were we so I can understand why they might not have mentioned it.

Maybe growing up with all brothers has made me a little too sensitive to this issue. I hate being left out, or having people assume I wouldn't be interested in whatever they're doing. I am always so thrilled when they ask me to things! Even if they know I'll probably say "No" it means the world that they include me! My brothers are truly awesome!

But I digress, my current coworkers are all very, very nice and helpful. But between me being the newest person on the team, them not knowing what to do with a technical writer, and me being the only girl I feel quite a bit of uncertainty and tension. We're still getting to know each other, and I need to be patient. Maybe it would help if I were married, 'cause most of them are, but there's nothing I can do about that at the moment. I guess I just miss working with a team of women and having that comraderie and opportunity to be myself and relax and vent my frustrations if necessary. Women need other women because we can't always get what we need from men (and, again, vice versa)!

On the other hand, I am grateful that there is no drama for me at my current workplace -- the drama at my last workplace was hideously awful by the time I was finally laid off. Now, I get to start over! I can be who I choose to be, and I can share or not share my personal life as I see fit. I just come, work for about eight hours, and go home. It may be a tad lonely once in awhile, but I have my iPod, and my cell phone, and the (male) receptionist is always good for a chat. I'm a lucky, happy girl!

I don't expect that I'll ever break into the boys' club, and that's okay. It's not the first time and it won't be the last in my line of work. I knew what I was getting into, and I really do like this job!