I guess this is going to be one of thousands of blogs, articles, and editorials lamenting the loss of personalization within our culture that came with the popularity of cell phones, instant messaging, Facebook, and whatnot.
(I refuse to accept the possibility that dressing up as a princess not-on-Halloween makes me a nerd.)
Then we watched some video on my computer of the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers production we did together last year. She had a friend call with an emergency so she had to leave about midnight --earlier than either of us would have liked --but it was really an awesome evening. Nichole makes me laugh so hard, I can be myself around her, and I really don't wear my tiara as often as I'd like (I live by myself -- who would know if I wore it to clean the house?). I felt so elated that I wasn't ready to go to bed after she left. Then I found her phone under a pile of clothes which meant she'd have to come back again anyway either that night or sometime the next day. I sent her friend a text saying her phone was at my house, cleaned up the mess we had made, got ready for bed, and started in on the dishes in my sink.
At 1 a.m. there was a knock at the door. I assumed Nichole had returned for her cell phone, so I didn't even check the peep hole before I opened it.
It was a police officer.
Apparently, Nichole and I were loud, and someone called in an anonymous complaint. The officer asked if we'd been playing loud music or something, and I honestly couldn't think of anything. Maybe we laugh too loudly when we get together? I'll concede it was very possible that we were being noisy, but I really have no idea what was wrong. Since the police officer didn't know anything specific either, and he could tell my confusion and embarrassment were real, he just told me to be quieter next time and left.
I was MAD!
I don't know which neighbor it was, but I really, really wish they had just come and knocked on my door and talked to me when I was actually being noisy. It would have resolved the situation a lot quicker. Now I don't know what to do differently, and I'm a little afraid of making any noise at all. AND I'm mad whenever I hear noise from another apartment. I live on the third floor of an apartment building, and I generally figure that "other apartment noises" are something I have to live with. Apparently, this person doesn't think so.
Honestly, I think I'm a terrific neighbor. I don't have kids crying or running around, no pets, I don't invite people over very often, I'm not even home most days/evenings. I am conscientious most of the time of being quiet during the prescribed 10 p.m. to 8 a.m. rule (often better than the neighbors below and next door to me). So for one of my neighbors to call the police when I invite my friend over at 10 p.m. on a Saturday... it kinda makes me think of that neighbor as a spoiled brat. Really? I can't have a friend over?
I haven't met my neighbors, but I have my suspicions as to which neighbor called the cops. It makes me mad that I didn't make the effort to get to know them before this. I really think if they knew how nice I was, they would have made more effort to be civil back. But to be honest, I know of at least 3 different groups of people who have lived in that apartment since I moved in, and I loathe the idea of dropping by once every six months just to see if someone new answers the door.
But I don't want to be afraid of ever making any noise. This is my home. I want to feel safe and comfortable here. And in that case, I feel like I need to do something to resolve the conflict with this anonymous neighbor and let them know they can come talk with me next time ('cause I'm sure there will be a next time).
The best way I can think to handle it is to finally go meet all my neighbors. Bake some cookies, knock on the door and say... what? "Hi, I'm Megan. I live next door/upstairs and thought I should meet you 'cause I had a policeman tell me that an anonymous neighbor complained that I was being too loud, but I honestly don't know what noise I was making. I was surprised because I hear you all moving around all the time and thought it was just part of communal living. Just want you to know that if you ever have a problem I would prefer that you knock on my door and tell me. I will be sure to do the same for you." That sounds sooo lame. Not to mention embarrassing that I'll have to say it 5 times, four of which will be irrelevant. Maybe I should just leave the cookies in front of the door with a note... but I like to think that when they meet me they'll see I'm a reasonable, nice, charming person who sincerely wants to be a good neighbor.
Any suggestions on what to say? I don't want to be hostile, but I do want to remind them we all share a building which means we're always going to be hearing each other (I hear conversations at 4 a.m. Wednesday morning, and though I've wanted to complain I never have. I realize my not complaining doesn't make me better than they are), and although I don't necessarily want them knocking on my door every night, I'd rather they knock themselves than send a policeman.
This would all be so much easier if I knew who the complainer was.
*Shudder* This goes against everything my insecurities have ever told me about meeting strangers. I HATE meeting strangers, even if they are just "friends I haven't met" yet.
Anyway... this whole situation saddens me in so many ways. I feel like this is yet another example of the way we're just hopping and skipping over civility now. Don't talk to people directly; let other people handle our problems, or just hope they go away by themselves so we don't have to do anything. Let's be as passive-aggressive as we possibly can and assume there will be no consequences.
I'm being forced to grow as a person. I don't like it.
However, if I don't do something, I'll always be uneasy about the whole situation. Since I love my condo and I'll be living there for the foreseeable future, doing nothing is not an option.
Just hoping that the personal touch will be enough to get them to treat me like a human being deserving of some consideration, instead of "those noises coming from upstairs" that need to be silenced in the least inconvenient (to them) way available.
Help! What do I say to my neighbors? I want to like them, and I want them to like me at least enough that the police don't show up again without any warning when I'm just living my life the best way I know how!
2 comments:
I would say, just be real casual about it. Go knock on their doors, say "Hi, I'm megan. I just finally wanted to stop by and meet the people I'm sharing a wall with!" then before you leave be sure to throw in "oh and I try to be pretty quiet most of the time but if you are ever bothered by any noise coming from my place please don't hesitate to call or knock on my door". You could even just take around note cards with your phone number on them, so they could contact you if needed. Then you can open the door for communication without sounding like you are blaming them in anyway.
This reminds me of my downstairs neighborlady with the chihauhua's. MAN I HATE those things. I never hear anything except for those blasted dogs. BUT, I've met this woman who is middle-aged and lonely. Her little puppies are all she has in this world and I am certainly not going to be a spoiled brat and complain to the authorities. Not to mention she apologizes to me every time she sees me. I just grin and say, "I have a pet, I understand."
One time, a friend was staying with me in the guest bedroom. She heard other neighbors arguing outside her window. Drunkenly. She went outside and kindly said she could hear everything and was concerned about their argument and would call the police if things didn't settle down. They shut up and haven't done it since.
I also had another neighbor grab me at the mailboxes and apologize for knocking icicles off her roof on the top level and she hoped they didn't scare me.
And yet another neighbor, an old gentleman, said to me once when I said hello to him, "You are the one who isn't very friendly! You never talk to anyone." ?!? So I've made it a point to smile REAL big at him.
Although I have to admit, I don't want to be all chummy with the neighbors - home is my escape from life. I love living alone:-)
ANYWAY.
What should you do? Make cookies. Knock on those five doors. Have a friend go with you. Say, "Hi, I'm your neighbor Megan! I'm usually really quiet, but I guess I made a lot of noise the other day because a policeman came to visit me. Just wanted to apologize if I concerned you and I hope if it ever happens again you'll come let me know - I'm so sorry!"
You have that cute, sweet, adorable, darling thing going for you. So just bat your eyelashes and I'm sure they'll forgive you. Like me with the chihuahua lady. I know she's sorry, so, even when the dogs are irritating me, I remember she is nice and apologetic.
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