When It Rains It Pours

I am learning that I have pretty much no control over anything going on in my life...and I don't like it. But, I do have to deal with it. I am really tightly wound. I've cried so much in the last five days that I now have a perpetual crying headache. I did not want to work today. I wanted to lie down on the floor under my desk, cry for a little bit, and then take a nap. I would prefer to have this meltdown at home, but since my car died yesterday, I don't have a way get home until Laren and I go out tonight which I am really, really looking forward to. I love Laren! I love that we go to so many plays together, and we're seeing Oklahoma together tonight. We were going to go on Friday, but it turns out she has Seussical rehearsal Friday and we are both free tonight instead.

But I digress (how I love that phrase!). My latest disaster is that my car died yesterday. Ironically, I had already been planning on taking it to the shop today and had even called the mechanic to let him know I was coming. At the time, my engine oil was leading, and my battery and brake lights were lit up on the dashboard. Not horrible, right?

Well, yesterday I went out for lunch and noticed that my radio played for about a minute and then died. This happened on the way to Einstein's Bagels and then when I drove back to work. Odd. After I left work at 8pm, I drove over to Cold Stone because I very much wanted ice cream in spite of the wonderfully splooshy rainstorm. Once I had some ice cream to-go, I decided that I should get some more gasoline, because I was just under a half tank, so I got on I-215 going West and then took the 280 E. exit in search of Sam's Club. At that point, I noticed that my windshield wipers were moving more and more slowly...

And then, while I was making the left hand turn from the freeway ramp onto Windermere, my car started to move more and more slowly. I had the gas pedal on the floor and it was barely moving. I made the mistake of taking my foot off the gas, hoping that reapplying my foot would somehow rev the engine, but there was no response. I was just past the intersection, crawling down the street on nothing but inertia, and the inertia was dying. All I wanted was to reach the parking lot. I got so far as the entrance to the parking lot when inertia ran out. So, I put my car in neutral (not an easy task since all electricity was completely unresponsive) and got out to push.

In the rain.

With my injured arm.

For a minute, it didn't occur to me that the only way I'd be able to turn into the parking lot was if someone were at the steering wheel. I thought I could just push the nose of the car. Nope! I did manage to stop it before it crashed into a jeep at the entrance that had been hoping to turn left.

I will forever be grateful to the driver of that jeep. The young man got out of his car and volunteered to push mine so that I could steer. His girlfriend took over his jeep, and the man pushed me into the parking lot. Then he asked if I had anyone to call. I assured him I'd be fine and encouraged him and his girlfriend to go do whatever they had previously planned.

You know, it's not the first time Heavenly Father has sent me someone to help when I've had car trouble. Often when I have a flat tire, a minivan will stop, and a middle-aged man and his teenage son will take care of me (although I know how to change a tire, I've never actually done it on my own). I worry as a woman who usually drives alone that a man might take advantage of my situation, so I'm always grateful when it's a man with his teenage son, wife, or girlfriend. I hope they are blessed for helping me. It's really the coolest thing.

I called my mom first to tell her what was going on and ask for a ride. Then I called triple-A. Ironically again, I was parked outside of the Fashion Place Mall Sears Auto Center. I gave the guy on the phone the directions and told him what had happened, and he said someone should be along in half an hour. I ate my ice cream, read a bit of my book, and tried not to think about the possibility of buying a new car. If I have to buy a car then I'll need a roommate, and my fortress of solitude will disappear. Then again, maybe I could use the social network that would likely ensue, the cute green room will finally be occupied (I adore that room but never spend any time in there), and few people could be worse to live with than my last roommate (which is why I haven't had one in at least four years).

I called my friend Michelle B. Turns out she was just up the street and offered to wait with me. Somehow, I accidently put my phone on silent, so that wait became over an hour. It gave me time though to vent and cry with my best friend. It just felt so good to complain and talk. She went through similar problems a few months ago and now things are great, so the hope she offered was nice too!

We discovered at 9:45 that my phone had been on silent and the tow truck driver had tried to call at 9pm. I called his company and it was then we found out he'd been sent to the wrong Sears Auto Center, so he couldn't have found me anyway. Triple-A sent someone nearby within 15 minutes and didn't charge me for the trip. Yay! I called my parents, told them Michelle would give me a ride home, and asked my mom if she'd be willing to give me a ride to work the next morning, which she was.

Michelle and I ended up getting spinach dip and raspberry lemon cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory (we ate them separately) and talking for awhile. It was nice having some one-on-one time with her. She gave me a ride home and let me proudly show off the latest stage of my condo. I was up late, but it was worth it!

I talked to the mechanic this morning, and let him know about the new problems. He said most of the issue may have to do with the battery or the alternator or both. He's supposed to call me sometime today with an estimate. I loathe being without a car and this week is especially busy. The timing stinks!

My friend Emily A says that hard times are holy. I believe that is true. Those are times when I reexamine my relationship with Heavenly Father and redetermine my priorities. I am forced to grow up which apparently I need right now. I need to at least teach myself it's okay not to be in control, and learn to have a lot more faith than I have of late. Hopefully, once I've figured all this out, I can clear the way for blessings (and other trials, too, probably), or at least recognize the blessings better.

Meanwhile, I've been cheering myself up by thinking of ways my life could be worse (because it definitely could). Last night I had a horrifying dream that made me wake up and think: "I'm glad I don't have to deal with that!" Sometimes when I'm stressed and then I have dreams like that, I think Heavenly Father must have a sense of humor. My right arm still hurts, my left arm is starting to feel the strain, I have periodontal surgery this week and no dental insurance, I'm drowning at work, I'm in a relationship loop, and now my car has died, but all is not lost. I have a great job with wonderful coworkers, darling friends, events to look forward to, nieces who are finally home from the hospital, parents who are always willing to help, money in my savings account, and a roof over my head. Even writing this post makes me feel a lot more cheerful. Heavenly Father is showering me with tender mercies that punctuate the rough times, and I am grateful.

I will get through this. I will. I just wish I could take two or three days off from all of the rest of my life to recoup. I need a relaxing vacation, soon!

Alice's Rant

Condo Photos

For one day, my condo is not a work in progress. I spent the last two evenings cleaning to get ready for my sister-in-law's baby shower tonight. My dad has a few finishing touches to complete his fantastic work on my washer/dryer closet, which means it will soon become a disaster area once again.

So, I took a bunch of photos of this phase of the condo. I still have a few things I want to do, but I'm awfully proud of my home. It's so cozy, and my parents have been wonderful helping me to make it my own. Sometimes I can't believe I get to live here! (What I can believe are the mortgage payments... ba-dum-bum *drum beat*) I'll need to plan some parties over the summer to show it off.

Here are a few teaser photos of my cute home the way it looks today. Please note the closet next to the front door, and the wall of shelves behind my couch! (For a reminder of what the place looked like when I moved in, look at this previous post.)

Front Room

Dining Area

Kitchen

2nd Bedroom

Master Bedroom

Mark vs Derek

If I were to become famous enough to be considered for Dancing with the Stars, who would be the better ballroom partner for me? Mark or Derek?


Mark is hilarious -- he isn't afraid to look goofy, his choreography is a lot of fun, and he always seems to be having a good time. But, it bothers me that he likes to wear suits during the latin dances while his partner wears skimpy bikini tops. Plus, he's used to working with athletes and heaven knows I'm anything but.


Derek is darling -- he does a great job bringing out the best in his partner, isn't afraid to take a backseat, his choreography is original, and he's just so handsome! The drawbacks are that from what I can tell he gets frustrated easily during rehearsals, and he's so pretty nobody might notice me.

Who do you think? Do you have another dancer you think would be better at making me the best dancer I can be? Please comment on who and why!

Robo Arm

Monday night after work, my right wrist started to hurt a lot anytime I'd try to pick something up, or twist the arm, or apply pressure to anything. A task as simple as unlocking and opening my door or drying my hands on a towel made me want to yell in pain. I put some ice on the wrist that night and hoped the pain would go away.

Well, the next morning it felt much the same, so I traveled on over to the nearby InstaCare. After about an hour of waiting, a nurse took my vitals, during which she had a hard time detecting my blood pressure. Consequently, the machine had to squeeze my right arm for so long and so hard that it turned purple and fell asleep. It hurt waaaaaaaaaaay more than the wrist pain I'd come in for, and didn't do a lick of good since the machine still couldn't read me. They tried again on the left arm, and after putting it to sleep too were able to get a reading. Sheesh.

A half hour later a doctor showed up and started poking and prodding. At one point he prodded my lower arm next to my elbow and said "Does this hurt?" It was sore, but I think that pain could be handled by a good massage. And that was when I started to get a crush on the cute, young doctor. The poking didn't hurt, just the twisting and me pushing back against his hand.

He sent me to another room for a few x-rays, during which I started to feel sorry for myself. I was getting worked up about whether it may be tendonitis. I know very little about the condition, but as a full-time writer I kind of need to be able to type. That's not something I can compromise on! And here I am coming into the busy period of the release, where I'm writing at least 100 features in the next four months. I can't do that if my arm is out of commission! Before I knew it, I was worked up to where tears started trickling down my cheek, and I asked for a box of tissues while the technician processed the x-rays.

After another wait (I was there FOR-E-VER!) the doctor came in with another nurse, and told me that it isn't tendonitis yet, but could develop into it. He said it's just a muscle strain due to overuse, and I felt glad that even though I'm left-handed, I handle a mouse with my right hand. At least I can still write with pen and paper! The doctor told me to ice the wrist three times a day, and gave me a prescription for 1000mg of Ibuprofen which I'm also supposed to take three times a day, and a nurse showed me how to put on the sleeve which I'm to wear pretty much the rest of the time. The doctor said to see a hand/arm specialist in a week if it doesn't seem to be getting better. Since I didn't have any other questions he left fairly abruptly, at which time I decided I would only ever be a patient to him, and my crush ended.

When I asked the nurse, Chris, if this will be a chronic condition, she said "no". It should heal in the next couple of weeks, depending on how much I am able to rest the arm (so, since I can't not work for the next three weeks, I'm guessing the healing will be stretched out at least four months. I'll pray for better and ease off as much as I can). To my surprise, I really started crying then! Thank goodness I'd brought the box of tissues from the x-ray room with me, 'cause I used a lot of them! Chris was surprised and respectfully left me alone for a few minutes so I could let myself go and put my head in my hands and sob. She came back and asked what was going on, and I told her this is the worst possible timing 'cause I'm already overwhelmed at work and didn't need this. It's nice to say "it's just your body saying you need a rest" but it doesn't help when I can't take the rest! We ended up talking about how much I love my job and how I don't want to do it badly or let anyone down. Everyone is in over their heads with this software release, so it's not like anyone could pick up the slack if I were to miss something or have to take a leave of absence. My biggest fear at this point is that one of the other writers will give notice before the release and we'll all have to cover for whatever she doesn't finish, and now here I am with an injury that will throw me off my A game. At least I'm not totally out of commission.

Anyway, I felt a lot better after talking with Chris. She said that she'd be at the InstaCare all day and I could call if I needed anything. She asked if there was anything else she could do, so I asked for a hug -- I really needed it!

I took the day off in spite of the mountain of work I have to do. I wanted to at least give my arm one day off. I called my manager and let her know what is going on. She suggested I have my doctor refer me to a physical therapist so we can find out what I can do to make sure that this doesn't happen again -- or at least doesn't happen often -- such as a different type of keyboard (no pun intended!), placing my computer differently on my desk, and so forth. My manager has had similar problems and was really understanding and helpful.

I know I should be philosophical and say "Wow! I'm so lucky I'm not doing a play because this would really mess that up," but I've had a lot of weird little medical things like this happen to me in the last couple of months since I decided not to do a show, and I kind of feel like I'm being punished. I didn't have to go to the doctor during all of 2008 as much as I have the first 6 months of this year, and I did three plays that year! So, either doing plays magically keeps me healthy, or my body has been having issues for awhile and only now have I noticed because I have slowed down enough to take care of them. I don't know. It's just really ironic that this would show up the very day things at work kick into high gear. Lousy irony.

The sleeve still allows me some mobility. Funny how easy it is to forget to take it easy, though. I never realized how many things I need two hands for! Doing my hair this morning was a little futile. I can still type, but if I were a piano player I'd be sunk. The restricted movements are nice in a way -- my right arm is far less tired than my left after writing this post! Plus... I feel cool just wearing the thing. It reminds me of, like, a superhero/supervillian or something, so in my head I'm calling it my "Robo Arm," even though there are no robotics involved. Just trying to offset the crappiness of the situation.

Quick! Something wonderful happen to me! I need instant gratification to remind me my trials are not all for naught!

Many Milestones

Every once in awhile, I think of the biblical phrase "marrying and giving in marriage." It's used to illustrate times when there are no big earth-shattering events, just day to day living, because what is more normal than people getting married, going to work, raising children, having birthdays and so forth? It's a relevant phrase in the scriptures and in my own life.

This last week was been a lovely one, where I've seen my friends go through milestones in their lives. None are terribly exciting to the outside world, but each have changed for the better the lives of the people involved.

My friends Brandon Rufener and Kate Lowder were married on Memorial Day Monday. I was privileged to attend the rehearsal barbecue the night before, and the actual ceremony. I smiled wide when I saw Brandon walk to his place wearing green socks, and I nearly started crying when I saw how incandescently beautiful Kate looked in her brilliant gown, veil, flowers, and pink shoes. They had been planning this day for a year, and everyone there was thrilled it wasn't rained out! It was fun to watch Kate and Brandon dance and socialize, and her gorgeous bridesmaids running around taking photos, making sure the bride and groom were happy, and ensuring there were no huge problems. I visited with many loved friends there. It was truly a celebration to remember. I am excited to see how Kate and Brandon's life together affects each of them and the changes they will no doubt make to the world around them. Congratulations, you two!

Tuesday, Michelle B called me to invite me to an impromptu barbecue in honor of her 30th birthday. Michelle hadn't been looking forward to that particular milestone, so her new boyfriend took her on vacation to southern Utah for the actual big day. Sounds like they had a great time! By the time I arrived at the party on Tuesday all the food was gone, but all I wanted to do was talk with my friend anyway. That's when I learned about the new boyfriend (whom I know well and fully approve of for her). Apparently, Michelle's daughter absolutely loves Ryan and already wants them to get married. She wanted Michelle to ask him if they could get married... how do you explain to a 5 year old about adult long-term relationships? It was pretty funny. I'm just excited for her. Michelle deserves to be with a guy who will make her laugh and completely adore her and her little girl, and Ryan does that for her. Her ex-husband didn't and isn't doing a good job of making either of them feel wanted. I'm trying not to get my hopes up about her and Ryan... but they already are :^D

My nieces Zoe and Summer are finally sleeping in cribs, wearing clothing, gaining significant weight, and successfully using a bottle. The nurses even let my mom hold Summer earlier in the week (only the parents had been allowed thus far), and Adam got to give Summer a bath yesterday. Big steps! It's only a matter of time until they can come home!

G-unit graduated from pre-school on Friday, which means he'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall. That's crazy! He's such an intelligent, articulate, creative, picky, bossy, happy kid. Lindsey and Adam threw him a party Friday night and invited my parents and brothers and I. We ate pizza and cupcakes, talked with each other, and played several board games with G. He showed off his new room (he moved downstairs so the girls can be close to Mom and Dad), and we laughed hysterically while I used his stuffed orangatang as a puppet while singing "I Wanna Be Like You" from Disney's Jungle Book. It's been really fun watching him become so self-sufficient and yet so personable. How I love him!

I saw Spotlight Production's Pride and Prejudice (the one I auditioned for and decided not to do) on Saturday. I have been regretting for a few weeks now that I chose not to do it. I love the story and the language and the characters but at the time it was the right choice to make. I talked with director Brighton at the show and she said I had been her first choice for Jane. As I talked with her, I realized how much it would have meant to Brighton for me to do the show, as I was one of the first people she'd met in the theatre community. She was kind and super-excited to see me, but I felt very keenly how much I'd disappointed her. Well, hindsight is always 20/20. I hope that I have another chance both to work with Brighton and to be in Pride and Prejudice. It was still a great show without me! I was most excited to see Kate S. play Elizabeth. I met her during the callback, and almost did the show just to play Jane with her. She told me about how passionate she is about the book and the characters, and it came through in her performance. She and Mr. Darcy were great together. It was a well-done production (especially the second act). I am seriously considering seeing their final performance tonight.

Yesterday, I attended Allyson H's farewell. Allyson played Laurey when I was Ado Annie in Oklahoma!, and Fiona when I played Jeannie in Brigadoon, so we've had the opportunity to become pretty close. As I listened to her talk, I realized how jealous I am of her! I always wanted to serve a temple/visitor's center mission (I love Latter-day Saint church history), and she has the whole thing ahead of her. My mission seems so far away sometimes. I leafed through my missionary journals on Saturday while I finally unpacked them, and was surprised how much I didn't remember, how much I'd admired and loved my companions, and the depth and strength of my testimony. I look forward to learning some of Allyson's experiences and about the lessons she'll learn. It was a wonderful meeting. I gave her a hug afterwards and wished her luck (her dad spotted me and said "Is this the girl who can't say no?"). I'm glad I went!

So many lives changing; so many happy events. It was a full and happy week! This week promises not to be as busy, but I am looking forward to finally hosting a baby shower for Lindsey with our relatives. Keep your fingers crossed that it goes well. I'm a little nervous to be the hostess!