"I'm here for the audience. Not the other way around."

So... yesterday I was needy and nervous and whiny and self-conscious and totally spewed all of that on everyone who read the last post.

I am so embarrassed and SO SORRY.

Everything will be okay. People will come (right?) and they'll enjoy the play. Why wouldn't they? We're terrific! Even if we weren't, the script is funny enough that people would like it even if we just stood around and read it (which, of course, we aren't doing).

Our preview last night was a little bumpy, and though the audience was very appreciative and really seemed to like it, my cast was mortified and could only focus on the mistakes. Then our stage manager said something  I had forgotten:

Most audiences come wanting to be entertained. They will forgive our mistakes a lot more quickly and readily than we will. 

My Kate saw the preview, too, and said a few things this morning that helped to calm me down and gain a much, much more healthy perspective:

• If I could offer a mantra for you: "What I've chosen is funny enough." And then, when you don't hear the audience laugh - you can borrow my mantra: "I'm here for the audience. Not the other way around." 
• All the great comedians have felt what you're feeling. Tina Fey wrote volumes on not hearing the audience reactions...
• There are also some things that I think will improve when you all stop aiming for laughs. I think you've been given the message that the audience has to laugh aloud to show you they find it amusing. In comedy, most audience members won't laugh aloud. 

*Deep breath, slow exhale*

I promise not to freak out on you about this particular insecurity again. That was really unfair. I want you to react honestly and appropriately for YOU. I will be happy regardless of whether you laugh; I am just glad that you are all so supportive. I have the best friends out there!

As a thank you, a last apology, and a "Happy Friday" wish, here is a video that I shouldn't have tried to watch at work, because it is so laugh-out-loud funny! Sara Ramirez* is such a star. I hope I look like I have as much fun onstage as she obviously does here!! 

I am so excited to open tomorrow! Time to show the world what I've been doing the last two months!

*Sara Ramirez plays Doctor Callie Torres on Grey's Anatomy, and is Rose the cashier ("Happy Thanksgiving back") on You've Got Mail. That girl has talent and range coming out her ears!! And, yes, she is singing with Tim Curry.

The Importance of Being Earnest opens this weekend!

Well, it's finally here! More than three months after auditions, and two months of rehearsals, my cast of The Importance of Being Earnest opens Saturday night! Tonight is our last dress rehearsal. We are VERY ready for an audience. The costumes are gorgeous and the sets delightful. We have worked so hard to memorize our lines, connect with each other as an ensemble, and develop our characters and comic timing. It's going to be great...

...As long as people come to support us!

When doing a comedy, there are few things more frightening than a very small or non-responsive audience. People who don't perform live have no idea that an audience can make or break a show. The performers feed off the energy that the audience provides, and when the audience is laughing and clapping and engaged, the actors just want to please them more -- we'll do anything for those who love us! We are thrilled when you  have as much fun watching as we do performing!

Hello? Is anybody out there?

Last night, our director confessed that there are several nights where not one ticket has yet been sold (particularly on Tuesday and Thursday nights). This might not be a huge problem -- I think most of my friends are used to buying tickets when they arrive at the theater -- but unless tickets are pre-sold the box office has no way of knowing ahead of time if anyone is going to show up, and they're worried. They said last night if it looks like no one is going to come that they might start cancelling shows. I can't tell you how sick that makes me. I'd hate for one of you to come one night, only to find the performance was cancelled.

So, my cast is doing all we can think of to get the word out -- Facebook, e-mail, text messaging, posters, cards, a huge banner near to the freeway. A couple of reporters came to a rehearsal and posted articles about our play here and here (including photos of me -- woot!!). The box office has even given us free tickets for the first couple of performances. We're especially counting on the people who come that first week to spread the word that it's worth the price of a ticket. Speaking of the price, I have $2 off coupons if you're interested!

Do I sound a little desperate? I'm sorry -- I can't help it! This is honestly one of the best productions I've ever been involved in, and I am terrified that no one is going to see it. It's the first in the new black box theater at the Davis Center for the Performing Arts, and even people who've been in shows on the main stage don't know that the black box exists. Consequently, we're practically a start-up. There's always a risk to trying something new. I am infinitely grateful to all of you who have already promised that you will come!

And now I'm begging: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE come, and bring a friend or two or six! And if you love it, tell everyone you know (and if you don't, don't say anything to anyone...). Contact the box office here to reserve your tickets now. I am in the Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday cast, and will also perform Friday, April 13.

Hooray! Our friends and fans are the BEST!

Please forgive my shameless begging. I sure do love this play. I'm aware that not every show I do is gold, but this one is. I am so proud of our cast and crew, and would be honored if you spent a little of your time and money with me this month!

Dance dare!

It may be important that I "dance dare" someone -- or multiple someones -- at rehearsal tonight.

Am I brave enough? I hope so, 'cause this SLAYS me!

Heeheehee! Does anyone else want to try this? Does it have to be video-taped to be valid? (Possibly not, but it IS funnier!)

*I am labelling this as a "Friday video" even though it's not Friday. It's my blog and I can do what I want ;^)

Exactly what I needed

Just thought I'd finish the story from my previous post, and tell you that I DID take Friday off work, and it was exactly what I needed! I got to do everything I wanted to (except the nap, which I was too energized to take).

• Slept in
• Cooked breakfast
• Cleaned my kitchen and bathroom, and tidied up my bedroom
• Did aerobics
• Took a shower
• Ate lunch
• Caught up on my Hulu queue

At that point, it was only 3pm and I have finished my list. What did I do next?

I saw The Hunger Games, of course! Good movie, though watching those kids kill each other was way worse on film than it was reading it. I even met a cute guy. He didn't ask for my number, but I guess I can't expect when I'm already lucky to be seeing a movie at 3 o'clock on a Friday afternoon.

Cecily and Gwendolen with "Gwendolen" and "Cecily"

I decided my day off was perfect, so I went to rehearsal, and it was awesome, too! I carpooled with my Jack (Jon) and Cecily (Allyson), two seriously terrific people. We went through the drive-thru at McDonald's on the way, and we laughed that Jon sounded like our dad ordering two "girl's" Happy Meals with chocolate milk for Allyson and I (we got My Little Pony toys, and named them "Gwendolen" and "Cecily" -- score!).

When we got to rehearsal, the director asked for volunteers to hang up the banner to advertise The Importance of Being Earnest. Since we weren't running the show that night, Jon, Allyson, Justin (Algernon) and I volunteered. Turns out, I'm terrible at tying knots, but the boys were great... and then we walked across the street to In-n-Out 'cause apparently McDonald's wasn't enough for some in our group -- ha!

We got back just in time for the set change, and then the costumer showed up, so I spent most of the rest of rehearsal in the costume shop having my dresses hemmed and watching the other ladies delight in their own costumes (this play is going to be gorgeous!)

After rehearsal, about ten of us went to Applebees to hang out. I was pretty tired at that point, but it'll be our last weekend before we all split up for performances. I had a blast. I sure do love these folks!

I went to bed waaaay too late, of course, but I'd had a magnificent day and no regrets.

I feel much happier now! Thank goodness. Ready to face opening week and all that comes with it. Eeek! And Hooraaaaaaay!

No time for my thoughts

I'm burned out. I work 8 or more hours, go directly to rehearsal for three hours, and get home around 10:30p.m, when I need to prepare ALL of my meals for the next day before collapsing into bed (at which point my downstairs neighbors decide to have an argument, or turn on the t.v. in their bedroom, both of which keep me up even more late).

My show opens a week from tomorrow (technically, my cast starts on Saturday, March 31). This means that we have rehearsals every day. Saturday and Sunday I have stuff going on all day. I have chosen my obligations and I'm happy to fulfill them.

But, I'm not necessarily a social being. On a normal week, I need at least one or two evenings to myself. When that doesn't happen, I get crabby, and my thoughts become confused because I have no time to reflect on all that's going on. Well, I haven't had a night to myself in about two weeks, and the thought that I won't get one until after my show opens depresses me even more.

Even more frustrating is when I'm that irritated and haven't worked through why, and then someone insists I tell them what is wrong. I appreciate the support of my friends and understand they're just trying to help, but if I don't know what I'm actually upset about, how the heck am I supposed to explain it to someone else? I end up saying bratty things I later regret. Then I have the guilt of having just been rude to my friend when they were just trying to make me feel better; as someone who is very sensitive to other people's feelings, this is the very worst thing. My moods don't generally last very long, but I do need time to work through them.

I am tired and grouchy. So much so that I'm considering taking tomorrow off. Not even calling in sick, just taking a vacation day. This is HUGE! I hoard my vacation days like Scrooge McDuck hoards his gold coins.

If I were to stay home tomorrow, I would do the following:

• sleep in
• cook breakfast
• do a prolonged, real workout, instead of just taking a walk and calling it "sufficient exercise"
• clean my house (it's in desperate need!)
• cook lunch
• catch up on some of the many t.v. shows piling up in my Hulu queue
• maybe take a nap
• cook dinner (do you see a theme here?)

Okay, I talked myself into it. I'm taking the day off tomorrow. At least from work. I might skip rehearsal, too, 'cause the other cast is running so I don't really need to be there, even though I like going and the other cast is hilarious. Then again, there is such a thing as TOO much time alone, and it's rough not to talk with anyone for an entire day. We'll see how I feel.

Just need to survive today! *Resist the urge to cry*

What are things that you do that relax or cheer yourself up when you're having one of "those" days? Do you like to be around people when you're in a bad mood?

Feuding friends

I have been really, really fortunate to meet a lot of amazing people. People that I've shared experiences with, talked long into the night with, dated, been roommates with, worked with, and so forth.

One of my besties at church (let's call her Cindy to preserve her anonymity) makes the effort to see every play I do. I love that she's one of my biggest fans and usually brings a group of our friends with her. Last Sunday, I wanted to give some information about my show to a guy friend of mine that Cindy hasn't been able to stand for nearly a year. Cindy came with me to talk with him, and to my great surprise she invited him to go with her group. She told me later they still don't get along, but they had talked beforehand about seeing my show. I don't know if Cindy has any idea how much it means to me that she can put her differences aside for my sake. She knows that I love her and him and that I want them both there. That, to me, is the epitome of selflessness. I am so grateful for her example!

Ross and Rachel made things more
difficult for the other Friends.

The saddest thing to me is when two friends have a falling out, and decide they cannot be friends anymore. I still love them both. How could I ever decide between two people who mean so much to me? Sadder still is when the group of friends we belonged to breaks up because no one wants to choose sides and it's easier just to stop hanging out then try to appease the feuders.

I have made a huge effort not to take sides in these situations. There are two -- or more -- sides to every story, so each one must be taken with a grain of salt. No one is perfect. It's not an easy thing to do, but when both friends need someone to talk to, and they both talk with me, I sympathize and smile and assure them that I still love them (because I do). Can I understand why each feels the way they do? Sure. Do I wish it didn't turn out the way it did? Sure. Do I wish they could work it out (because so often it's a big, fat misunderstanding)? HEAVENS YES!!

It's a good thing I'm not much of a party thrower, because I hate to think that my feuding friends wouldn't come in order to avoid the other. Of course I'd want both of my friends there. Then again, maybe I wouldn't want the tension of having them both there... just another reason why I so rarely plan get-togethers. I can't deal with the stress of making sure everyone has a good time.

Even worse is when I AM one of the feuding friends. I've been the wronged and the wronger (in the other person's eyes, anyway) and it sucks every time I have to dissolve a friendship. It's never without a lot of pain, reflection, and attempts to reconcile, but sometimes I just have to do it to protect myself (or the other person does). I am so exceedingly grateful to mutual friends who don't judge me and do their best to be supportive both to me and the very good person that I can no longer get along with. I hope I never make the person in the middle feel uncomfortable. I hope my peacemaking friends know how much I appreciate their support. I hope I never make them feel like they have to take sides (though it's only human to hope they would take mine if it came down to it).

Like I said, I've met a lot of amazing people, and even when I don't get along with some of them anymore, I know their good qualities and hope that they are surrounded by other fantastic folks who DO want to be around them. We all need wonderful friends!

It sucks to be stuck in the middle.

Post St. Paddy's Day thoughts

• On St. Patrick's Day several years ago, a colleague sent me an e-mail at work that said, "With a name like 'Megan Smyth', you must be Irish, so Happy St. Patrick's Day!" I laughed, because my last name is actually Welsh (hence the funky pronunciation and lack of ending 'e' that is common in the English version). My first name, however, IS the Irish (Gaelic?) version of "Margaret". Last year, my dad pulled out a family tree and said I do actually have Irish relatives on his side... my grandma confirmed last week there are none on my mom's side. So... I guess I can claim Ireland after all... at least, a little bit ;)

You can tell what my shirt looks like
under the corset, right? Or are you staring
 at my costar's massive arm?

• Last week, I wore a LOT of green and purple, mostly in horizontally striped patterns. Apparently I like stripes in green and/or purple. I was pretty happy that it was warm enough on Saturday (the actual holiday) to wear one of my favorite shirts!*

• Corned beef part I: My mom made corned beef and cabbage for dinner yesterday, which my nephew described as "bacony beef." He didn't even put barbecue sauce on it, which is a pretty big indicator of how much he truly liked it. That kid is kind of addicted to barbecue sauce :P

• Corned beef part II: I had leftover corned beef and cabbage today for lunch. It's one of my favorites. I literally closed my eyes while I was eating because I just wanted to enjoy the explosion of wonderful, corned-beefy flavor (for those of you who hate the dish, sorry if I'm making you gag). I like the stuff so much that I sometimes request it for my birthday dinner. My birthday is in September. When I do request it for my birthday, my mom inevitably says, "I don't think you can get it this time of year"... and then she always does. Either Mom's a miracle worker (which I am inclined to believe anyway), or the dish is more common than we'd expect. I must not be the only one who likes it!

This mom-to-be probably still
weighs less than I do now :P

• I'm a little surprised that more people didn't get pinched at rehearsal on Saturday; our stage manager is a big fan of St. Patrick's Day, as evidenced by her glittery green hat. Thank goodness for green gaffer's tape!

• Surprisingly, very few women wore green at the baby shower I went to.  Then again, I didn't even think of it until afterward... it wouldn't have been very polite to pinch my pregnant friend anyway, and her friends and mom already thought I was a bit of a weirdo...

• Realized today that I forgot to listen to my Irish folk song collection on Saturday. Sad. I might listen to them today -- some of them are pretty cool, and a few are mind-blowingly dance-worthy (Three Young Ladies Drinking Whiskey for Breakfast anyone?)

(I'm a sucker for a good fiddle tune!)

• Hope you enjoyed the Luck o' the Irish on Saturday! I know I did, because I didn't get pulled over on the way to rehearsal, in spite of going 80 miles an hour most of the way. I DID get caught by one of my castmates, though, and he was only too eager to tease me about it every chance he got (in spite of the fact that he matched my speed as he followed me most of the way). Whoops!

The guy on the left reminds me of you, Aaron!

Happy Monday!

*A few photos were added at 11:30 this evening.

Earnest tybbling

• My vocabulary has certainly been affected by the dialogue in this play -- I use many more big words during my daily conversations (something I've never been shy about doing regularly anyway), and my friends have noticed enough to comment. Haha!

My stage beau and mom

• I've taken quite a few photos of rehearsals, just 'cause I like to, but of course, as the photographer I am never actually in the photos. Sigh... this is hard on someone who is as fond of being photographed as I am (even if I always get caught in awkward positions and faces onstage).  I'll have to give my camera to someone on Thursday to shoot me during my run through. I'm part of the cast, too!
• We're pretty close to memorized, so last week the director had us shake things up. We ran each of the three Acts in a different genre to help us develop some different aspects of our characters. Act I was the "mystery/thriller" Act, and it was hilarious to see all of the men acting like James Bond or Dr. No. It was pretty easy for each of us to turn our character into a villain, and so fun to incorporate what we'd learned into our next couple of run throughs. I went for the femme fatale -- something I've never done before, BTW -- it was a BIG hit and quite liberating! It gave me a confidence that I'm quite keen to hold onto. I love the rehearsal process! It's almost more fun that performing for an audience... almost. 

• Only five more run throughs before I perform in front of an audience! I am inclined to freak out, but it will probably be just about right. Don't want to over-rehearse. It will be sad when our group is split in half, though. That's the downside to being double cast; you don't see half of your friends regularly anymore!

• Still struggling with how to do my hair. I'm not fully satisfied with what I came up with for the publicity photos yesterday. Then again, I may never be satisfied with an updo. (When I get married, my hair will be down.) When I pull my hair back, my head suddenly looks so small compared to the rest of my body!!

• We open in just under three weeks! Do you have your tickets? It would mean a lot to me if you came, and I can't help but believe everyone would enjoy it. Get tickets here (I perform on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays)!

That awkward moment when...

That awkward moment when I realize that the guy I'm crushing on, and the guy who is paying attention to me is not the same person.

Fortunately, I'm an adult. Back in Junior High I felt helpless to change situations like these, but now I know that's not true. I CAN change my circumstances! I am in control of my own actions! I choose not to feel helpless and sorry for myself!

It's time to put the crush out of my mind, and give the real-life admirer more attention.

Being vulnerable is scary, but it's better than wondering "what if" yet again.

Sometimes being an adult isn't too bad :)

I'm taking one of these next time I go to Disneyland

Is it me, or are an unlikely-large group of my friends just returned from/headed to Disneyland this month? I am so jealous!! I might have to actually plan a trip in the near future. I wanna go, too!

And next time I go, I'm taking one of these:

Even my nephew knows that the second rule of amusement parks is not to stop in the middle of the road. (The first rule is to stay close to Mom and Dad.) How so many people missed that memo is a mystery to me!

Happy Friday, all! Hope you have a magical weekend, whatever that means for you!

15 Common Grammar Mistakes (and the correct usage)

I saw this on Copyblogger and thought I'd pass it along. I'm pleased to say that I get these right most of the time (with the possible exception of affect/effect -- darn that first letter!!) Hope this is helpful to the rest of you... not that I'm pointing fingers. It's really just good general knowledge...


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A signed copy

A few weeks ago, I decided to try something new; something I was really excited about and terrified to do:

I went to a book signing.

Shannon Hale had an event at The Kings English bookstore for her latest book, Midnight in Austenland, and I decided to go.

You maybe asking: How in the world is that terrifying? My response is: What the heck do you say to someone you really admire? Someone whose books you love and identify with and wish you could write yourself, and who doesn't know you at all? You have maybe one minute to tell this person how much her writing has meant to you without making yourself sound like a crazy stalker. This is new territory for me (talking to a stranger who I admire in an intelligent fashion, not being a stalker... uh, not that I'm a stalker... never mind).

Guess what? I chickened out. Sort of. I DID go to the book signing, but I got there an hour after the event started and it was so busy and crowded that apparently people were assigned alphabet letters in lieu of standing in the longest line ever (quite a feat, considering how small the shop is). I was glad to see it was so busy, because I'd just read Ms. Hale's blog post about how sometimes people just don't show up. However, I used it as an excuse not to stay, and was a tiny bit relieved (and disappointed in myself) to go home after a lovely long rehearsal.

Fortunately, I overheard a sales associate tell someone that she could buy a book and leave it at the store for Ms. Hale to sign at a later date. So, that's what I did. I bought Midnight in Austenland (I can't tell you the last time I bought a book I haven't read first, but I like her other stuff so much I took a chance), left my name and phone number, and eagerly and somewhat impatiently waited for them to call. It took about a month, but I finally received my copy!

Isn't it just too perfect?! I love it so much! Not bad considering she didn't meet me. I have no idea what I would have asked her to write anyway, and this is just adorable.

I start reading tonight. Hooray! It's kinda fun to have something signed. I feel so grown-up and groupie-like. Weeeeee!

Do you have a favorite author? Have you ever met them? Who was it and what did you say? Am I a total freak for being as thrilled as I am even though I didn't actually meet her?