Back in the metaphorical workforce saddle again!

I have a new job -- hallelujah!

Even better, it's with a great company who wants to pay me 20% more than I was getting paid last year at this time (before the raise, but still awesome), and people who I like. I've worked there before as a short-term contract writer, and now I finally have a full-time place with them. Instead of technical writing, I'll be doing instructional design. It's a big career change. Instead of creating PDFs and online help, I'll make how-to videos. I don't know the software I'll be writing about, or many of the tools. Yet.

I was unemployed for 12 weeks, and went through several stages of grief (over and over). It was an awful time. Larissa commented shortly after I accepted my new job that she knew I'd be all right, and she hoped when I lost my job that I'd relax and enjoy my unemployment, and she knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't enjoy it -- and I didn't. I worry about money when I have a job, but not having a job was horrible. 

Even so, I didn't jump into the search right away. I took a break until I went to New York. After that trip, there were weeks of terror and self-flagellation and stress and anxiety in regards to getting my resume ready, and looking for jobs, and interviewing*. I interviewed at my new company the first time right before FanX, and had two other interviews the next week. Interviewing is the absolute worst, you guys. People really DO ask questions like, "Name you five favorite/least favorite things" and "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Ugh. Thank goodness that first interview was with a friend, because my answers were rough.

When I got the call offering me the job, I was so, so sick. I thought the HR rep was going to say I didn't get it (he needs some work on his word choice and tone of voice), so I was shocked when he said I was the person they wanted. When he shared the proposed salary, I sat down on the carpet and quietly started crying. After all I'd been through, being rejected by my previous job and then again by multiple companies where I'd applied and who didn't even want to meet me, I was going to be okay. 

*BTW, as of my latest job, I have received an offer for every job I've interviewed for since I was 23. The streak may not last forever, but it's pretty darn cool!

During this time of joblessness, I learned a lot about my relationship with God and with my Savior, Jesus Christ. They took amazing care of me. I went to the temple almost every week those first two months. He sent angels to buy me dinner and shower me with love and support. I had some trouble with unemployment, but miraculously the day I ran out of severance money, the first two unemployment checks finally landed in my bank account. When I was at my most low, I felt most strongly the support of the Holy Ghost. I was inspired to apply for the jobs I did when I did, and it lead me to where I know I need to be. I hated this trial, and I'm still not thrilled I had to go through it, but I am grateful that I did not deal with it alone.

I started my new job nearly two weeks ago. That first week was brutal. Learning about the new company, processes, software, job, people, and building was like drinking from a firehose. It still feels like that. I'm learning slowly. Add on the fact that I got used to taking naps in the afternoon and forgot how exhausting it is to work a full day. Monday and Tuesday last week, all I could do when I got home was sit on the couch and force myself to stay awake until bedtime. Falling asleep was no problem.

My coworkers are crazy-supportive and kind and fun. Today at our daily stand-up, I realized that I feel like I belong. I like the four people with whom I spend the most time. I have other friends there who I have been out to lunch with a few times. It already feels like home in a way I never felt at my last workplace. I am lucky.

I am a different woman than I was in January. I don't know how long I will carry the scars of rejection and fear and loss from my layoff. Eventually, I'll feel confident in the work, and eventually I'll stop feeling resentful of and hurt by my previous job. It'll take time, but someday, I'll feel safe again.

It feels good to be useful. It feels good to not have to worry about where my next paycheck is coming from.  It's a new beginning.

It's gonna be good.

Happy 2016!

As I reflect on the old year and think about who I want to be during the new, I've come to a conclusion:

I need to be more grateful.

I don't like to dwell on the negative for long. I make a point at looking at the silver lining.

I also feel jealous of my friends who have things I think I want, judgment when I see others behaving badly, and anger when treated badly.

I know that these feelings are normal from time to time. I don't want to make them a habit. So, I am choosing to look for the grateful. Because, let's be honest, the only one who suffers long-term for my negativity is me. And why make myself suffer any more than I have to? That seems silly.

It is amusing to me that only a few weeks into the new year and this determination, I lost my job. This is a BIG TEST! I'm not handling it entirely well. I have been crabby a lot in the last three weeks. But I am aware of the Pros along with the Cons, and one of the big Pros is that my friends have been coming out of the woodwork to help in whatever way they can.

The first Monday I didn't go to work, I asked my Facebook friends if anyone was making cupcakes and if I could have one.
Within 24 hours, I'd been gifted with lemon cake, chocolate/caramel cake pops, fudge, and chocolate muffins, and made a date to make cupcakes the next week.

Samoa cupcakes: chocolate with chocolate ganache and caramel/coconut mixture on top

Food, phone calls, text messages, job options, quality time, hugs, prayers, willingness to talk about something other than losing my job, books to keep me from getting bored, advice NOT to start looking right away if I don't feel like it, and so many other sweet gestures. How can I feel ungrateful when I have so much?

This gratitude thing will be a challenge. Life is going to happen and it will sometimes suck. Hopefully, losing my job will be the worst thing that happens to me this year. At least I have a good support system and a tiny bit of money saved if I need it.

Or, maybe gratitude will become a habit and it won't be a challenge after a while. Maybe it will be easy sooner than I think.

Let's find out, shall we?

Memes: Working towards being a better, happier person

Favorite memes: Advice from Joy

Thank you Love Bug Cakes and Cookies and Between the Pages for the reminder today!
This is a quote from Inside Out and I love it.

Isn't it strange how life won't flow, like a river, but moves in jumps, and if it were held back by locks that are opened now and then to let it jump forwards in a kind of flood? 

                        -- Anita Desai

I'm in one of those "held back by locks" periods, enjoying the reality of my "now" and the anticipation of my "someday."

Life is stressful. Life is fun. Life is hopeful. Life is unexpected.

Life is crazy.

Isn't it wonderful?

15 of my favorite feelings

The vlogbrothers are two brothers -- Hank Green and John Green (the author of The Fault in Our Stars) -- who each post a video blog once a week to keep in touch and discuss what is on their minds. Hank and John are both nerdy and socio-concious. Their posts vary from being extremely insightful to wonderfully silly. Their motto is "Don't forget to be awesome" or DFTBA!

I like their videos a lot.

Hank posted a video with a list of what he calls his "15 favorite feelings" and it made me smile 'cause, yeah, I like these things, too!!


And now I am inspired to write my own list. (Forgive me if I steal from Hank a little.) In no particular order:

1. Hugging or cuddling a small child.
2. Fitting back into clothes I once outgrew. (As Bette Midler's character says in The First Wives' Club, "It's better than new!")
3. Not wanting to work out and doing it anyway.
4. Throwing together a bunch of somewhat random ingredients with no recipe and coming away with a surprisingly tasty meal.
5. A friend I admire and value telling me he/she admires and values me.
6. A sincere "Thank you."
7. Finishing a story (I get interrupted a lot).
8. Finally getting a "Yes" after a ton of "Nos."
9. A text or phone call from out of the blue.
10. Vacuum lines in my carpet at home.
11. Finishing a good book.
12. Each check mark on a list.
13. In-depth conversations about nerdy things like superheroes, Harry Potter, Star Wars, etc.
14. Lying in bed in the morning and not having to get up right away.
15. Leaving work on Friday in anticipation of a fun weekend with great people.

What are some of your favorite feelings?

DFTBA and Happy Friday!

Don't apologize for being who you are

One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don't throw it away. 

- Stephen Hawking

My Favorite Things

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

- Marcel Proust

What is a girl to do when folks around her are getting married and having babies, and not only does she not have those things, but they aren't likely to happen any time soon?

She could choose to feel sorry for herself.

Or she could find a way to celebrate the life she has now.

This time, I chose the latter.

Using Shutterfly, I put together a book with photos of people, places, and things that cheer me up (including some really flattering photos of myself -- natch). There are two pages dedicated to chocolate in various forms, and one with nothing but shoes :)

I figure that when I'm feeling sorry for myself, I can open up the book and remind myself that my life is darn good! After all, even when I am married and have kids, there will be times of sameness and sadness and desire, and I will have to find joy in the every day, anyway. That's what this book is about: the big and little things that are special to me right now.

Even better, I'm treating the photo book like a yearbook and asking my friends and family to write in it. I love the idea of reading notes from the people who mean the most to me, and having snatches of their handwriting to make it a little more tangible and personal.

Is the title "My Favorite Things" a little cliché? Yes. Do I care? Nope. It's accurate and timely considering I just finished The Sound of Music!

I had a great time putting it together. Now I must find excuses to see my friends and get this book signed!

Who wants to hang out?

You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important.

I'm fairly certain we can all agree that the winter months are kind of miserable. After the holidays, we're faced with grey, yucky weather, no "big" holidays to look forward to, and the reality of paying off all those Christmas-time bills, not to mention the effects certain astrological events have on people in general. In addition to this, I'm dealing with some frustration at work and events that are giving me deja-vu to situations where the lesson I learn was that I am not important.

February is not an easy month for me emotionally. It never has been. But I've noticed a really disturbing trend, lately. My go-to answer to the question "How are you?" used to be "I'm happy." I'd say it when I was in a good mood, and would often say it when I was in a grumpy mood but wanted to pull myself out of it. For the last several months, I've been answering with "I'm OK." I guess that isn't so bad, but what I'm really saying is "I'm drowning in frustration and loss and feeling crappy and whiny, but I don't really want to talk about it right now and I hate saying 'I'm fine" so I'm using this as a placeholder." I can't even remember the last time I said "I'm happy" and meant it.

Now, I should probably take a moment to say that it's perfectly natural to go through grumpy periods. To expect myself (or anyone, really) to ALWAYS be in a good mood is setting myself up to fail. As Westley says in The Princess Bride, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." It's OK to not feel blissfully happy all the time. It's normal, even when it goes on for weeks or months. There's always a certain amount of happy, and a certain amount of sad. I, personally, don't like to feel sad, but just because I've been feeling sad that doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with me, as long as I don't let it overwhelm me. You take the good with the bad, right Facts of Life?

It bugs me when I'm described as "happy all the time." I feel pressure to be that way, like I'm not allowed to have a bad day, or if I do have one I am expected to keep it under wraps. Talk about unfair. I don't think emotions should be used as personality descriptors, because, if I'm a "happy person", then what the heck am I if I'm not happy? Oh, yeah, still normal.

I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself lately, and suddenly I'm noticing some troubling things about the way I talk about myself:

I'm a slacker.
I'm terrible.
I'm awful.
I'm the worst.

It's usually meant in a self-deprecating, jokey way, but the truth is, I'm starting to believe it. When you say a thing over and over again you tend to believe it, and I have started to believe it. I've started feeling sorry for myself. I feel bullied. I feel hopeless. I feel like a victim. That's definitely NOT okay!

My family has a history of depression, and several of my family members take medication. I've been to a therapist who determined that I am not depressed, but I sometimes wonder if that will change as I get older. That's why I feel the need to identify my problems, think my way through them, and talk them over with people I trust; people who know me, won't judge, and will help me figure out how to get back to my own personal version of normal.

As I focus on cutting those damaging statements out of my conversation, I've been repeating the following platitudes:

Yes, they are corny. No, I don't care. I need to change my personal view, and give myself permission to be less than perfect. If little things like joking that "I'm terrible" can make believe that I really am terrible, then little things like "I'm happy" can make me believe I'm happy... and then I'll get there again.

I've been feeling helpless in a lot of ways, and positive affirmation is a way to take back a tiny bit of control and do something for me. My life is great for the most part. I miss being my cheerful self. I need to redirect my sadness into acceptance and gratitude. I may change and grow in many ways, but I want to keep hold of "optimistic Megan" as much as possible -- let's grow THAT version of me, instead of "self-bullying Megan", shall we?

Voicing a difference of opinion

My manager invited me to be part of a group at work to redesign the templates (including layouts, fonts,  and types of character and paragraph tags) for our company's documentation. I started out feeling very uncomfortable, because I didn't really know what was expected of me... and, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I was afraid to have an opinion. What if it was wrong and I ended up looking like an idiot? I was really quiet for the first couple of meetings.

As we continued to meet together and discuss our team's needs, I started to feel more comfortable, and opened up a bit more. I also felt less nervous anytime someone asked what I thought. I stopped being so afraid to disagree with other opinions expressed. I started to believe that my opinion mattered in what was, in the end, a purely subjective endeavor. This really hit home one day when three people all supported one concept, and then the manager asked my opinion and I disagreed with the others. I shared what I thought would work best and why even though I was terrified. After I finished, the rest of the group supported me, and we decided to go with my ideas. I cannot tell you how relieved and validated I felt!

It's in my nature to go with the flow and not create waves whenever possible. I am grateful for this opportunity where I was encouraged to participate, think outside the box, and stand up for myself. Thanks goodness for subjective projects where no answer is the wrong answer! I can't say that shareing my opinion has become any easier, but I am slightly less afraid to be ridiculed for a differing opinion!

Why yes, I HAVE lost weight!

I've become a little obsessed with this photo lately:

I simply adore the women in it... but I admit, that's not the only reason I love this photo.

It's because I look so gloriously, wonderfully skinny.

(I choose to embrace the vanity, 'cause I worked darn hard for it!)

This is how I looked in this same dress last year:

Okay, so I'm not in the same position, so maybe the difference isn't readily evident, but it's there.

I've lost 20 pounds since January! Actually, I lost it by the end of April and have been maintaining ever since. Feels darn good to know that I can! I really want to keep it off this time.

My main motivation was this photo:

Wow. I am practically spilling out of this dress and I couldn't get the gloves to stay up for more than a few minutes at a time. I really hate the way I look here, in spite of the good hair and make-up. I felt so uncomfortable with that cleavage all night.

I decided to finally stop whining about feeling fat and do something about it.

Since I have never been a fan of the gym, and am not a consistent exerciser, I went the lazy route: controlling my diet. This is not to say I starved myself. Far from it! I went the South Beach Diet route which is mostly portion control and paying attention to which foods I'm eating. I did the two week no sugar/no carb cleanse, but they say when you're hungry you should eat something like a handful of almonds or some string cheese. It was hard -- I love chocolate and it was sometimes difficult finding something satisfying when I went out to dinner -- but I was always able to find something that was health(ish) and usually tasty. I did NOT starve.

I admit, now that I've reached the goal I'm not quite as careful, but I'm being better. It's nice not to feel so out of control.

The funny thing is, I look back at the photos of when I thought I was so fat, and, sure, my face and figure were wider... but I really didn't look that bad. I was not as fat as I thought I was. I generally try to dress in a way that flatters my figure anyway, so I rarely wore things that made me look terrible. My perceived large size didn't even deter boys from asking me out. Losing weight was something I wanted to do for me, and I'm thrilled, but it's nice to know that I can still flaunt my figure if I fluctuate a bit. (Do I use that as an excuse to eat a brownie once in awhile? You bet! I'm so weak!) Losing weight doesn't change who I am. It just gave me a bit of extra confidence in myself. I set a goal and I reached it! It's awesome!

You'll notice also that losing the weight didn't make me automatically toned and flat-stomached. It's a little disappointing to realize that even if I lose another 15 pounds (which I don't plan to do because that seems extreme) I'll still have flabby arms and a pocket on my stomach. I'll have to exercise to achieve optimum toning... and I'm not quite ready to do that, yet. But I am a little curious what I might look like if I tried... we'll see.

Anyway, people who haven't seen me in awhile have been asking, so I thought I'd just set the record straight :)

And, since I'm on the record, here's a photo of me from last night in that same polka-dot dress:

Quite the difference, eh?

That awkward moment when...

That awkward moment when I realize that the guy I'm crushing on, and the guy who is paying attention to me is not the same person.

Fortunately, I'm an adult. Back in Junior High I felt helpless to change situations like these, but now I know that's not true. I CAN change my circumstances! I am in control of my own actions! I choose not to feel helpless and sorry for myself!

It's time to put the crush out of my mind, and give the real-life admirer more attention.

Being vulnerable is scary, but it's better than wondering "what if" yet again.

Sometimes being an adult isn't too bad :)

Happy Friday from FRIENDS

"Hey, you know what might cheer you up?"

Just because it's probably my favorite storyline ever from a Friends episode, I thought I'd share this clip (that sadly cannot be embedded) with you all today.

"Look at me! My big concern is what's real?" Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Let's be honest, girly-girls. Doesn't wearing nicer-than-everyday clothes just make all the mundane stuff we do everyday a tad more fun? Do you kind of wish you could dress like a princess (or a bride) all the time? My day-dreaming heart likes to believe I could carry the magic of that special-occasion dress with me always.

Tonight after my date, I may need to watch 30 Rock while wearing my Arwen gown.

Happy Friday! Hope you all have a reason soon to dress up!

Gratitude

This was the theme for our meeting at church yesterday, and for our ward for this entire year. They even made it into a bookmark a gave one to everyone:

Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. We like to be around those who are grateful. They tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable.
- Joseph B. Wirthlin

I love this quote so much that I've decided to make it my new motto. Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone adopted it?

Happy Monday!

Timely, relevant journal

My current journal has a different inspirational quote printed on each page. I find that as I write, one will pop up that really seems to relate to what I'm writing. I suppose I am only finding what I'm looking for when I need comfort or advice, but I am very grateful for these quotes. I bought the journal on a whim nearly a year ago, and here it's helping me when I need it most. That's when I know Heavenly Father is listening to my prayers.

Here are some of my recent favorites:

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.
- Carl Jung

Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
-Francis of Assisi

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
- Dale E. Turner

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting -- a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hope each of you are finding answers to your questions and peace during your struggles. They're there, waiting for you, just like they are for me whenever I'm ready to listen.

Blog Readers

It is weird that I feel more comfortable writing things on my blog than I do on Facebook, and that I haven't published my blog address on my Facebook page? I feel like the more I discover that people I know read my blog, the less I can say on it for fear of offending or just letting slip more than I want to. The world is a lot smaller now than it was 10 years ago, and the more detailed I get, the less privacy and the less freedom I have to say what I really want to; for that reason, I feel more comfortable writing to my core group of "knowns" and the wide world of internet strangers than to people I have had good times with in the past but don't often get to see anymore. (Wow, that paragraph is terribly messy. Sorry, dudes.)

And yet, sometimes I wish more people read my blog, 'cause I'd love to have a huge following and crazy offers from people to put ads on my blog so I can live off the proceeds of writing, like Single Dad Laughing and Seriously So Blessed. Of course, then I'd need to find some niche and a more unique perspective. To be honest, I'm just not that focused.

This just makes me wonder: why do I write? What is my ultimate goal? Do I even have one?

I don't know that I really have a goal. And even if I did, I probably wouldn't do anything differently. In which case, I should probably just let my FB friends know that this space exists. I should have more confidence in the balance of my Facebook friends. I know them all in varying degrees of closeness, but I do know them all, and they're navigating this same interweb with their own philosophies that once in awhile might sync with mine. Heaven knows, I love to read friends' blogs and find that we have more in common than I previously thought!

I just like to write. I like to have a centralized place to put my thoughts down, and record happy times, and post videos and quotes and comic strips, and see photos of my friends smiling back at me so they're easier to find when I need them in the future!

So, my dear readers -- those I know about and those I don't:

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts, the inane, the enlightening, and the ridiculous! It is wonderful to know that you care enough to Follow, or Subscribe, or just check in once in awhile. Thank you for inviting me to be a part of your day!

Hugs and love,

Miss Megan

Validation, A.K.A. Thoughts on Esteem

I believe that it's possible to be aware of our own strengths and good qualities, and to give ourselves permission to be proud of them. Everyone is unique. Everyone is beautiful. And everyone deserves to feel that they are wonderful and not feel guilty or embarrassed about it.

I don't think "pride" is the acknowledgment that we are terrific; I think pride is treating others like they aren't. If that's true, we need to be better about being our own form of awesome.

Example 1: Self-Esteem
In college, I often said things like "I am so dumb" or "I'm such a loser." I was usually joking, but my roommate commented one day that some part of me must have believed what I was saying. She said that every time I said something mean about myself I hurt my self-esteem. She challenged me to stop using those negative phrases and promised that if I did I would be a much happier person. She was right! You would not believe how much happier I was. I started to believe the nice things I said, and I learned to like myself. It's an ongoing battle to remind myself of the things I like, but to this day I am grateful that my roommate recognized my need to be kind to myself and gave me permission to do so.

Sometimes we are so busy trying to be humble and build other people up that we feel we have to tear ourselves down. But each of us has something to offer. We deserve to feel good about ourselves and should not be shy about it when the situation is appropriate. Just because we are terrific, it doesn't mean that our terrific-ness detracts from anyone else.

There isn't a whole lot lately that I feel is in my control. The one I can control is my perception of myself. There are many days when I still feel like the scrawny, frizzy-haired, flat-chested, emotional, fearful, lonely 12 year old I once was. So, I work at it. I continually strive to focus on the things I do well, rather than those I don't do so well. I might not have a gym membership, but I am vigilant about eating fruits and vegetables. I may not vacuum very often, but I always make my bed. I might not know how to play my nephew's video games, but I am pretty good at Go Fish! It's a daily struggle, and one that will likely never end since my infinite mistakes imply I still have a lot to learn. It's a worthy struggle, though.

I'm the only person I'm going to live with for my entire life. It's common sense to want to like that person. If I indulge in self-torture, I'll never be happy no matter how wonderful everything else is. Let alone, I'll probably miss out on a lot of wonderful stuff. I don't want that!

If any of you women still need permission to feel good about yourself (or even if you don't) read this awesome post from the Single Dad Laughing blog. It's so good to hear a man say that women have worth and that he wants to help us recognize it! Do many men around us have any idea how much that affirmation means to us women while the rest of the world seems to be telling us we're just not good enough? Do many women offer the same kind of affirmation and appreciation for them?

Example 2: Spreading Esteem
At church on Sunday, I was talking to two ladies and made a reference to how awesome we are. The girls started laughing delightedly. I responded with, "What? We are darn good looking. I'm looking at you right now and I know what I look like!" I think they were surprised that I said it so matter-of-fact. But the statement was completely true. My favorite part is that although they laughed neither of them rejected the compliment. They just enjoyed it!

While we're at it, it doesn't hurt to share with other people what wonderful qualities they have.

Can you imagine if everyone in the world complimented one person a day?

Even better, can you imagine if the complimented person chose to believe what was said? I hate, hate, hate it when I compliment someone and they don't accept it. Don't imply that I am somehow mistaken; then I just regret my attempt to acknowledge your individual awesomeness! Let me take pleasure in seeing that my honest, unsolicited compliment made you happy! Someone else recognized how great you are! You're not alone! Instead of saying, "You're too nice" and brushing it off, say "Thanks! I needed that today!" and bask in the feel-goodness.

And if you feel so inclined, you can even compliment me back. Don't feel compelled to -- that's not why I give compliments. I do it because I sincerely believe that you are beautiful and I want to make sure you know I notice.

Please forgive me though if you do compliment me and I say something like, "I know!"

Example 3: Mutual Esteem
My best friend in High School was involved in a lot of the same activities I was... and she always seemed to be just a little bit better at them. When I won the "Best Supporting Actress" award during the Regional Drama competition, she won "Best Actress." When we auditioned for Madrigals together -- the elite singing group at our school -- she got in and I didn't. She was a star athlete, she was third in our academic class of 363 people (I have no idea what my ranking was), she was ambitious, she was taller and more slender, her hair grew faster, and she had no fears about making friends in new situations. She was a poised, intelligent, talented Amazon.

She was also my biggest fan!

She was always the first to find me at lunch, invite me to her house, come to my numerous plays, laugh with me at my silly dating stories, and tell me how cute my haircut was. She saw me as a talented, darling, smart, gorgeous, funny, brave, thoughtful, positive person... attributes I didn't always see in myself. How could I feel inferior for any length of time when she seemed to think I was as wonderful as I thought she was?

Okay, I'm not perfect; it killed me that she was in Madrigals and I wasn't, and I still wish that she were the fatter of the two of us, but there's not much I can do about the former, and I'm learning to accept the latter. Sometimes it takes an effort to focus on what I do well rather than what she does better.

We have similar interests, but we are not the same. Instead, we are friends who love and support each other and have for the last 16 years. Isn't it great?

We build each other up. It doesn't diminish either of us in any way to feel happy for the other. I am proud of my friend's accomplishments, and am always thrilled when she feels the same for me.

Based on hers and several other friendships, I've decided that whenever I encounter a woman who intimidates me, I need to become her friend. That way, I can stop being jealous that she seems to have so much that I don't, and instead celebrate her successes with her. Someday I will successfully learn to be happy for those women anyway, but for now it's enough just to summon the courage to talk to awe-inspiring strangers... and remind myself that I am just as awesome in my way (so easy to forget)! After all, my girl friends are seriously amazing. I am grateful every day for the way their experiences and talents and endless support enrich my life!

I am also extremely proud of my male friends. They totally rock!! I can't believe that I have the honor to know them and I and thankful for their influence on my life (but I'm not quite ready to apply the "let's be friends" method to strange men who intimidate me... that's a completely different ballgame).

I'll say it again: It does not diminish us to recognize and celebrate the wonderful people around us.

In conclusion, here's a short film called Validation. It reminds me of the time I went to the movies, asked for a validation (meaning a parking validation) and the worker said, "Your hair is so pretty!" It made my whole day. I don't remember what movie I saw, but I remember how good that unexpectly sincere compliment made me feel!


You, reader, are wonderful and you are unique. Go and be your wonderful self. Don't apologize and don't hold back!

Love,

Miss Megan

World Cup 2010 - Wavin' Flag

I have not watched any of the World Cup this year. I barely knew it was even going on. Now I'm sad I've missed out.



Awesome.

Facebook Updates

I hardly ever actually go onto FaceBook to update my status, but I think of potential statuses pretty much all the time. It's a good thing I don't have internet on my phone, or else I'd be updating my status every 20 minutes (and, really, I don't want people to know absolutely everything going on in my jumbled mind). Here are a few I thought of during the last couple of days:

Megan enjoys my new job and is grateful for understanding and supportive coworkers!

Megan liked watching "What About Bob?" for the first time. "I sailed on my first try! I just let the boat do the work; that's my secret."

Megan hates when bad news masquerades as good news, especially on Friday afternoon.

Megan is grateful for naps.

Megan is tired of being Facebook friends with boys she wishes would ask her out. And yet i still hope. (For the record, most boys don't like to be asked out as much as they claim.)

Megan's favorite compliments people have given her after her show are "You're the prettiest angel I've ever seen!" (Who wouldn't want to hear that?) and "I'm sorry about the accident on the swing but... *shrug*" Awesome!

Megan has been wishing on stars for 30 years and they have yet to come through for her. Maybe I should try looking for 4 leaf clovers...

Megan went shopping today with a 30% off coupon and bought beautiful clothes while simultaneously donating to charity. What a lovely way to spend a Saturday evening!

Megan is really, really annoyed that the Unemployment Claim website always seems to be down. At some point, I will need to actually file my weekly reports and access my money. Stupid, cursed website!

Megan can't decide if she's willin' or ready to give up. (I'd rather not explain.)

Megan is good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

Megan feels like "a chicken with it's legs cut off." (The only good quote from the movie "Sons of Provo")

Megan wants a fairy godmother to come and tell her what to do to find true happiness. Fairy tale heroines are so lucky! (You know, after they're locked in towers and cursed to sleep for X number of years and threatened by evil witches and such.)