You have to work hard

via Put this On. A fashion blog run by one of Ira's NPR comrades.


I think a lot of people in our society have the mistaken belief that just because they can write, or sing, or act, or play basketball pretty well that they should be discovered and be successful every day. They forget that those who really do succeed, those who do really well have worked their butts off to get it. They take writing/singing/acting classes, and look for feedback. They practice shooting hoops for hours and hours and hours and know when it's time to let their bodies take a rest. They listen to what others say and go out of their way to find ways to improve. They are not lazy. They know what they want and they work for it. Even then, a lot of people's efforts aren't noticed. So many are good at things, put in the time, and still wait tables their whole lives.


This is one of the reasons I'm so excited to see Daniel Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. He could have just thought, "I'm famous. My fans already love me and will pay $150 for a ticket even if I'm terrible." Instead, he decided he wanted to be really good in the show. He didn't want the choreographer to have to work around what he can do. He wanted to stretch himself and give a performance worth all that money. He didn't want to turn himself into a joke. He made it into a challenge.


Most professional actors continue to take acting classes. Most professional singers have a vocal coach. Dancers continue to take classes and learn new techniques. Basketball players take ballet and do all kinds of exercises to stay in top form.


It is the rare person who gets lucky when they're lazy. They're usually one-hit-wonders who burn through fame fast and then complain that no one remembers or respects them.


Don't do that do yourself. 


Whenever a friend tells me that they sing, or dance, or play soccer, I automatically assume they're really good. Why wouldn't they be good? And guess what? They don't let me down! I know some amazingly talented and hard-working people! It's frustrating when that hard work doesn't translate into the results we want (a.k.a. just because we're talented doesn't mean we get the good parts in every play), but I refuse to believe it won't happen eventually if you just keep trying.


I'm a theatre girl. I've auditioned for six plays in a row and been rejected for all. It sucks, but rejection is part of the game, too. It's part of what we love about it, because when we DO finally land the part, it's because we know we've earned it. If it was always easy it wouldn't mean nearly as much. It's much more fun winning a role when you know there were several others at that callback who would have been just as good; for some wonderful reason, YOU were the right person this time. 


Those of you nursing wounds from recent failed auditions: Don't give up. You are amazing.


I can't wait to see what you do next when your talent and persistence pay off!


Break a leg!

I am smart and I matter

Do you ever feel like you don't know anything, and that your opinions don't matter?

So often, I feel like I present myself as this silly, frivolous girl who just wants to be happy and make other people happy. While it's true that I love to entertain and I want people to be cheerful around me, I sometimes wonder if that's all people think I am. New acquaintances so often get this surprised look on their faces when I say something intelligent. Then they say, "I thought you were really young until you opened you mouth!" which I understand to be a compliment in the vein of: "You are smarter than I originally thought you were."

Last week, I saw the movie Limitless with a bunch of girlfriends. The movie was okay, and Bradley Cooper's slightly manic eyes were beautiful as usual, but what I found most interesting was that his character didn't really take himself seriously and couldn't focus until he became really, really, super smart and realized how much potential he had. In the movie's case, this was accomplished through drugs.

The character notices the drug's effect when he realizes that he's taken bits of pieces of stuff he's already learned (a paragraph from an article he read through once, the cover of a law book he saw on his girlfriend's coffee table in college, etc) and is able to put them together in new and interesting ways. He figures out his own point of view, gains a ton of confidence, and starts to make something of himself.

Interestingly, earlier in the evening, I was talking with the friends I was about to see the movie with, and Chantryce, who knows that I know a little something about British royalty, asked me how I felt about the upcoming wedding. I confess, I hadn't given it much thought. At the time, I didn't even know William and Catherine's wedding was so soon (it's this Friday, by the way, and yes, I have it scheduled on my mom's DVR). Chantryce started asking me questions about the line of succession, and why is Prince Phillip the king instead of just a prince, and several others. I didn't know some of the answers, so I started making some guesses based on what I've learned from Stuff You Missed in History Class, and stuff I actually learned in history and humanities classes, and books I've read, and random snippets of movies. I realized as I was considering her questions and trying to formulate answers that I know quite a bit, and that all of my random knowledge was coming together into an educated opinion and my answers were probably pretty accurate. (I did tell her at the time that I didn't know, so my answers were all based on conjecture.)

Sunday, I opened the Parade magazine and discovered they had a Q and A about the royal family on the inside cover. The most interesting part? Many of the questions were those that Chantryce had asked me and I had answered most of them correctly!

The day after the movie and the conversation with Chantryce, I went to a play with my darling friend, Steph, and she asked about my experience using Netflix and Hulu instead of regular cable television, and later how I felt about having two screens for my computer at work. Again, I got to give an opinion on something I am fairly knowledgeable and feel very strongly about to someone who asked thoughtful questions and was really interested in what I had to say. She valued my opinion! It was amazing! 

In attempt to be more informed and not feel like the stupidest person in the room when people start talking politics and events, I've started listening to NPR. It's been a change for a music-lover like me who generally likes to listen to music while getting ready in the morning, and books on tape on the way to work. But, I read this blog and it struck a chord. I'm tired of feeling like I don't know what's going on outside of my little sphere, and not having opinions about politics that I can back up with facts. I've been listening to 90.1FM while getting ready in the morning and while driving to and from work. I'm only picking up pieces here and there, but I'm staring to gain a better understanding of what's going on in the outside world. For an entertainment and fiction nut like me, this is a big deal. The fact that I'm actually enjoying it is just icing on the cake! I always thought talk radio was going to be boring. I'm glad that I was wrong this time :-)

Honestly, most of the time I avoid stating my opinions because I don't like contention and arguments, and I don't like to be lectured. If I don't feel smart about the subject, I can't bring myself to interrupt when my conversation partner launches into a complex explanation including all of the ways in which I am wrong. Then I end up resenting them for talking down to me. I don't want to be angry at them when they think they're trying to help, but I am angry anyway because my seemingly lame point of view wasn't even heard before it was rejected.

I know I'm not always right. My knowledge is as specialized as my experiences are. I learn new things and reform opinions all the time.


Generally, people argue because they care about the subject, right? Is that a bad thing? No. Do we have to attack and belittle each other when we don't agree? NO!

It has occurred to me, though, that even on my blog I don't make controversial statements if I can avoid it, because there's always some kind of backlash and I don't like having people mad at me. Plus, I'm always afraid that my arguments are flimsy and stupid. So, I just continue to write about noncontroversial things or my daily goings-on in the hope that I don't hurt anyone's feelings, and no one hurts mine. I write the way I talk, but I don't necessarily write about what I'm actually thinking about.

I don't even blog about things like dating and being lonely, because I don't like others feeling sad for my sake, and I often feel touchy about supportive comments like, "I don't worry about you," and "I know he's out there somewhere!" I know it's out of love, and I wouldn't want my friends to be any less supportive than they are -- because my friends are awesome -- but sometimes I just want to be heard and not feel judged. Then I realize that the judgment is all in my head. I need to get over it and be grateful that my friends want me to be happy!


My Kate told me once that she's never met anyone who edits herself as much as I do. That statement has haunted me ever since. It's absolutely true. I do edit myself. Everywhere I go. I want so badly to avoid hurting feelings and getting my own feelings hurt that most of the time I just keep my mouth shut. I want so desperately to be liked by others that I deny my own feelings in favor of what I think they want to hear. No wonder people are so surprised when I actually do say something thought-provoking.

Is that really the person I want to be? Someone so afraid and mistrustful of others that she censors herself all the time? There's no way everyone else in the world is going to do that. So all I get for my martyrdom is to become a doormat to the vocal, unconcerned people around me. I am meek, quiet, underestimated, and horribly underappreciated. I've been in more abusive relationships than I care to think about and part of that is my fault. I let myself be in those relationships because I tell myself that their feelings are more important than mine. That is such a destructive attitude.

Nobody wants to live in an oppressive Stepford Wives world. I'd much prefer a world where people respect and make an effort to understand one another. To live otherwise is to lie to myself.

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

- Hamlet, Act 1, scene iii

That's why my conversations with Steph and Chantryce meant so much to me. Granted, we didn't discuss subjects that invite much argument, but in realizing that I understand more than I had previously considered, I realized that I am smart and my thoughts and feelings are valid. What's more, people care what I think because not only do THEY think I'm smart, but they care about me and know that I care about them. Mutual friendship and the sharing of ideas is a beautiful, healthy thing. I need more of it.

I think I've been limiting myself; been dishonest with myself. I'm only fully representing myself, like, 40% of the time. It's lonely having feelings that I don't allow myself to voice. I keep my friends from getting to know the real me, and fail to allow them to challenge me, support me, and help me to grow.

My opinions do matter. I may never convince anyone to think differently, but who cares?

I matter. I am smart and I have intelligent opinions. Am I brave enough to actually start sharing them, and accept the possibility of uncomfortable conversations?

Maybe.

Can I really stand up for myself, and at the same time accept that my conversation partner might not like what I have to say?

I hope so.

Am I brave enough to share on this blog, when I'm aware a lot of people I don't know are reading, or people that I do know but have never told me they are reading? That's a completely different can of worms I'm not sure I want to open. I'm not about to deliberately antagonize people, but blogging ignorant of my reader base has bit me in the butt before... and there I go planning to censor myself again.

I am considering it anyway. I can't make everyone happy all the time. I'm not the type to attack and be hurtful on purpose, and many people will still like me even if they disagree with me.

Yes, I love once in awhile to be that silly girl who makes people happy, but that's not all I am. I am strong, and brave, and thoughtful, and intelligent, and insightful, and caring, and funny. I am a terrific lady.

I don't want to hide behind the happy-go-lucky half of me anymore.

I am a whole person, and my whole self matters.

Battling the Dragon (a dream journal exercise)

Several months ago, I bought a Dream journal, which I have subsequently decided was a mistake. Not that I don't remember my dreams -- I remember a LOT of them and in surprising detail -- but it turns out this particular Dream journal has activities. It wants to help me learn to take control and be an active participant in my dreams. The thing is, I'm already pretty active. I may not always be able to tell it IS a dream while I'm in it (so many mornings I wake up disappointed to discover I don't live on the U.S.S. Enterprise and Kate Austen and I aren't friends in real life), but I can usually predict what's going to happen. Also, sometimes I don't WANT to remember my dreams, or at least I don't want to record them for posterity. Some of the stuff my unconscious mind comes up with are too embarrassing. (Yes, waaay more embarrassing than admitting that I dream sometimes about living on the Starship Enterprise. Actually, I'm not that embarrassed about the Enterprise.) 

But lately I've been having some dreams I do want to remember... and I realized that I didn't want to write them in the journal because I reached a point where I was supposed to do an exercise and I never did it. I didn't want to ignore and skip it and I couldn't ever remember to do it at bedtime, so I just stopped using the journal.

So, last night, I did the exercise.

And it worked! Well, sort of.

The Exercise
Before I fell asleep, I imagined myself as a medieval (didn't even have to spell check that word - ha!) knight. I visualized my "obstacles" as a dream dragon and imagined that I fought the dragon back so that it would have to retreat. I managed to keep this image in my mind as I fell asleep, thinking about the things that have been troubling me lately. The idea is that as I dream that I'm overcoming this adversary, I gain confidence in my waking life.


The Dream
[I should mention that this is only the second half of the dream. However, I spent so much brainpower trying to remember this half that I can't remember the first half anymore. It probably had something to do with war. Most of them do lately.]

I was on State Street at night and my friend's dad was supposed to take us to our destination. When he arrived, he picked up my friend, but refused to take me and drove away, so I had to walk.

I dreamed I was at a cocktail party in the lobby of the Centerpoint Legacy Theater. We were all young-mid single adults, and I looked like Kate Middleton and was wearing a dress like her engagement dress, but black. Then I realized it was actually a callback for a play Rosalie Richards was directing. People were passing around character descriptions. There was a part for a mousy, awkward, best-friend type who eventually gets the guy. There was a part for a gorgeous bombshell, and one for a gorgeous dream-boat guy who starts off being attracted to the bombshell then realizes he's really in love with the mousy best friend. My friend Mr. K was up for the guy, but didn't get it. The bombshell part went to a tall, gorgeous brunette. At this point I looked like me again. There was never a formal audition, but I knew I was up against friends A and B. After a bunch of mingling, I overheard who was cast in the roles. After that I didn't see A again in the dream, but B and Mr. K were still there.

I got the part!  I won the part of the girl who wins in spite of her own insecurities and bad odds. I won the part of the girl who gets the awesome guy even though she's not the bombshell. I won, I won, I won!

And then I woke up.

My Analysis
I badly need a win in the very near future.

I feel like I can't do anything right lately, and things haven't been going well. My last few dates have gone okay but nothing came of them, I've auditioned and been rejected for six plays in a row, and then I was sick for so stinking long. The friends that I dreamed I was up against don't even know that I sometimes feel like I'm competing with them. It's frustrating to see others seeming to have it all when I am not.

In the dream, I was reminded that I CAN and WILL get what I want eventually. I won't always feel left in the dust as everyone around me succeeds. I can win the part and the boy that I want, figuratively and literally. In the dream, I was accepted as I was and my hard work was recognized. It felt great! The exercise really did help build my confidence!

In conclusion, I'm glad I finally gave the exercise a try! I may visualize the same thing again tonight, with even a bit more hope. I've had a rough time the last month, and it can only get better. I have a vacation coming up, there are some fun shows, and rumor has it more men are funneling into my ward in the next few weeks. Things are looking up!

Sweet dreams tonight, my friends. And I hope your day is a great one tomorrow!

My first knitting project

Well, I restarted the scarf four times (resulting in me getting a good grasp on how to start a project), and the number of stitches on each row somehow expanded from 24 to 27, but I think it turned out pretty well!

 

I shouldn't be as proud of myself as I am. Just taking a step toward domesticity. Now that it's done, I want to do another! Maybe a striped one this time... or is that too ambitious? Should I start learning pearling/purling?

Yay! It feels so good to have this first project under my belt (or, around my neck in this case)!

Talent + Hard Work = Awesome

One thing I love about Daniel Radcliffe: he takes his craft seriously. He decided he wanted to do a musical and learned to dance and sing so that he could do well and not disappoint his cast, crew, and ticket-paying public. I wish more people were as dedicated! It makes me want to work harder to be a better performer.

Talent + hard work = an awesome performance!!

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I'm going to see this and several other plays in a few weeks and I could NOT be more excited!!

Healing slowly and surely

I've been sick about three weeks now, and am finally, FINALLY starting to feel better.

Starting to feel well enough to not have a completely blank expression on my face all the time. Starting to be able to focus on what people are saying. Starting to be able to verbalize my thoughts in an intelligent manner. Starting to want to be around people again. Starting want to make plans in the future and for the future. Starting to feel a little hope again. It's nice!

Seriously, this illness has been depressing. The lousy weather outside has probably contributed to my feeling so sad and boxed in and my self-enforced necessary isolation did not help. When I'm that bombarded with fatigue, a sore throat, a headache, and a sinus infection I spend waaaay too much time thinking about... well, stuff I don't have the energy (if my sad thoughts are about myself) or power (if about the outside world) to fix. I don't like to feel that weak and powerless.

Thanks to all who called, visited, e-mailed, texted, blogged (it's nice to keep tabs on all y'all), Facebooked, and did whatever else to cheer and support me while I disappeared. I'm still exhausted all the time and I'm not fully ready to integrate myself into normal society yet, but I'm getting there!

Thank goodness.

One year already?

Can you believe that tomorrow will be my one-year anniversary at my new job? One year already! A year ago I gave up a terrific contract job for an unknown future. It's been a wacky adventure so far: two bosses, a lot of new projects and writing tools, and a LOT of coworkers to meet and get to know. I love the company, I like the people I work with, and I like the work. As a whole, it's a much better situation than I was in at Accela!

My new manager called me into his office this morning and told me that my previous boss (who is in charge of my review since I've only had the new manager for a few weeks) put me in for a raise! I was surprised and thrilled! I'm so, so glad to have the extra money, and even more grateful for the faith my managers have given me.

I am a very, very blessed lady.

Happy one-year anniversary to me!

Prattling on

Have you ever noticed that when you've been spending a lot of time thinking about terribly serious and frustrating and overwhelming things, that when you actually get a chance to talk to someone, you don't want to talk about those serious things, so you talk about the most frivolous topics that come to mind? You're just so happy to have someone to distract you from the craziness that is real life. That's me today.

I never thought I'd say it, but I've become a regular wearer of sneakers.


Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them... except I have so many pretty pairs of shoes why would I ever wear anything like these three and four times a week?

When I have all of these pretty shoes to adorn my plain, average-sized feet?

I'll tell you why: they are absolutely the most comfortable shoes I've ever had!

I didn't mind so much about super-comfy shoes until I wore my little feet out on that cruise and subsequent trip to Disneyland. Then all I wanted was one really, really good comfy pair of shoes. And I found them! And I love them! They're even the "rock 'n' tone" kind that are supposed to exercise and tone your muscles as you walk. I like to think they're working :-)

Meanwhile, I bought these at the Gap a few weeks ago, and am already in love:

I might buy an extra pair for when these wear out. I can't wait to wear them around all summer. And I can't wait to wear these too:

Winter is lasting full on forEver!

In other random news, I bought a bunch of these for snacks:

And they're brilliant. Perfect for that meal in-between 3pm snack and 8pm dinner (which seems to occur a lot lately).

Thanks for reading my inane chatter!

What would you do if asked to join the Dark side?

I don't know, but this video is priceless:

The cough drop callback

Otherwise known as "The debacle that was my callback for the Sound of Music."

This week, I had my first experience auditioning for a show while pushing through an illness. I've performed in plays while sick, I've rehearsed while sick, but I've never auditioned while sick. And I've decided that it's not really a good idea.

I managed to get through the initial audition by singing prettily and earnestly, though not impressively (impressively = a lot of personality and awesome high notes). They asked me to the callback and I thought, "Oh good! One more day for my throat to heal and let me sing the way I usually do!"

It's hideous not knowing what to expect when you open your mouth to sing.

Well, I wasn't much better yesterday. I took a looooong shower in the hopes the steam would help my larynx relax and the crud on my throat would dissipate. I warmed up as best I could. By the time I arrived my singing voice was mostly okay. I was horrified that I forgot to bring water with me, and hoped that the three cough drops I'd remembered would do their job sufficiently.

They took the kids into the callback room first, so the adults waited around for about an hour and a half. I tried not to talk too much and was grateful for friends to wait with. By the time they called all us adults upstairs I was worried my speaking voice wouldn't hold out. I popped a cough drop in my mouth and crossed my fingers.

Then they dropped the bomb. They asked me to sing for Mother Abbess, and they wanted me to sing the high A flat in "Climb Every Mountain."

Oh no.

Would you believe I managed it? I should send my former voice teacher a fruit basket for teaching me the warm-ups I'd done on the way to the callback. I hit a high A with this nasty, malicious cold!

I was so excited I turned around and did the Mary Katherine Gallagher "Superstar" pose and took a huge breath in surprise... and during that huge breath, I sucked the cough drop into my nasal cavity.

Seriously, I sucked the thing up my nose. 

I started coughing and spluttering, and it finally fell back into my throat. I spit it out into my hand and continued as if nothing had happened, ignoring the fact that I felt like my cough-wracked esophagus had huge rips in it. When it came my turn to sing alone I tried not to be surprised at how not-my-normal-self my voice sounded. I did fine, and my friends honestly said that although I was a bit flat, they might not have known I had a cold unless they'd heard me before. (Okay, what they actually said was I "sounded like I had a cold"... I'm just hoping that my original statement is true.)

They let me sing the title song for Maria, and I feel really good about my performance. Even so, I was not asked to stay and read. I'm not as disappointed as I might otherwise have been. I can't say that I didn't make the play because I didn't try. I really did my best. I didn't know anyone on the pro team, and my voice wasn't up to par. Truth to be told, after driving home in the snow I was a bit glad they didn't ask me to stay. Magna is far. I'd love to do this play someday, and if they call I'll be thrilled. If they don't call I'll just look forward to trying again in a few years when my nephew -- if he wants to -- could do it with me.

The cap on the evening for me was the the incident with the cough drop. I think at that point I knew the whole audition had been a huge mistake and I should have just stayed home. I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't gone though. If I hadn't gone I always would have wondered "what if?" That won't happen now.

And now I have a mildly interesting story to tell. Woo-hoo!

When the weather changes

I get sick almost every time the weather changes, and I am really, really tired of this.

Yes, I am avoiding being yet ANOTHER annoying person on Facebook who is complaining about the weather and being sick by complaining on my blog instead. Sorry, loves. Feel free to skip this one if you want to -- I won't be offended.

Last Friday was the most beautiful, sunny, spring day here in Utah. I worked from home and took a walk in the middle of the day to enjoy the loveliness and return a movie to Redbox. It was bliss!

Then Saturday the sky was grey and the air was colder. I took another walk and it wasn't quite the same. It was still nice enough to be outside. I was happy that spring had finally arrived.

Sunday morning, April 3, it snowed...

... and I woke up with a cold. It was obnoxious but not unbearable. I watched General Conference at my mom's and didn't get too close to my nieces and nephew very often (torture! I'd love to hug those kids all day long!!) I went home early and went to bed early.

Worked from home again Monday and Tuesday, though my symptoms seemed to get worse. Stuffed up, clogged sinuses, achy and tired, drippy throat. Lame. At least I still worked a bit, though. I only get a certain amount of sick time during the year, and I may have already exceeded it. I'm a little afraid of the consequences and really didn't want to take legitimate sick time...

By Wednesday morning, I gave up. Legitimate sick time it is! My throat was so sore I wanted to cry. My voice was at least an octave-and-a-half lower than normal, and I was coughing and hacking. Not great, especially when I planned to audition for the Sound of Music that night. I went anyway, and took the easy, not-terribly-impressive route, and I sounded good enough to warrant a callback. Yay!

Yesterday I was a bit better, but the throat was still an issue. So, I finally went to the doctor. My doctor rocks! She took a throat culture and gave me a couple of prescriptions. I went home and found an email from my new boss telling me to take the time I need to get better, and I went back to bed. Then I went to the callback and it was just okay. As I was driving there, it started to snow AGAIN. It was scary driving home from Magna.

I woke up this morning and feel worse than ever. I even cancelled my plans. I'm staying in bed. I found an extension cord for my laptop charger, have a box of kleenex, took some more meds, and plan to sleep for awhile after I finish this and another blog post.

I don't mind the chilly air, I don't mind the rain, and I don't mind the snow in April. I just can't deal with getting sick every time the spring sun turns into spring snow. It's awful. Every day I had the best intention to go to work the next day. Now I feel so crummy I don't even want to log in from home.

All I can do is sleep, take meds, and hope. Hope that the consequences of exceeding my sick time at work aren't too dire. What else can I do? If I'm really sick, I should stay home, right? And my doctor and  anyone who heard me try to sing last night will concur that I am not well.

I think the fact that I am missing work is what bugs me the most (apart from wanting to be able to breathe through my nose again).  I take pride in my work, I'm good at it, and I'm reliable. I do a good job, so I should take care of myself when my body fails me, right?

I hope I get over this by Monday morning...

Not Skinny!

Is anyone else a little nervous for swimsuit season? I plan to spend a lot of time in my pool this summer, so even if I'm not quite ready at the beginning of the season, I'll look good by the end (and my hair will be nice and green)!

Hopefully the lovely Utah weather starts cooperating soon.

So long, cable!

I finally got rid of cable last week. I've been considering it for a few months, mostly because I was really starting to hate Comcast's customer service and can't afford the constantly rising prices, and also because I don't want to be tied to my DVR anymore. I got really used to recording hours and hours of programs and movies that I didn't really have time to watch. It was frustrating to get home after rehearsal at 11pm and have, like, 6 new hours of TV shows to catch up on my DVR.

Plus, I got to the point where I stopped buying movies because my television habits didn't allow for extra time to watch them.

So, I called Comcast, cancelled my DVR and cable, and even bought a modem so I could pay the least possible amount for cable (still with Comcast, apparently I'm a glutton for punishment, and they gave me a terrific deal).

The last show I watched was an episode of Mad Men. The last thing I recorded was from The Simpsons.

Then I signed up for a Hulu account, and started checking movies out from Redbox. After the third movie on the third night in a row, I signed up on Netflix, because it just makes sense cost-wise.

So far, it's been a harder adjustment than I thought it would be. There are several things I've learned:

1. It's annoying when people post spoilers and opinions on Facebook about shows that I haven't watched yet. This has always been true, but now more than ever. Most/all shows aren't posted to Hulu until the next day. I sort of loathe the idea of never looking at Facebook again because my contacts can't keep from wrecking the news that so-and-so didn't die on Grey's Anatomy, or so-and-so was voted off Dancing with the Stars. Hmph. Guess I'll just have to learn to deal, or be sure not to look at FB if I think something somewhat important is coming up.

2. I don't like to watch shows while streaming them on the internet. This is one of the reasons I kept renting stuff from Redbox; I like having a DVD to pop into the player, and I liked getting to pick up and drop off the DVD same day. I don't currently have a device that I can use to stream Netflix shows to my television set (just as an Xbox, PS3, blue-ray player, etc). I hope at some point to buy a flat-screen with that capability. At the same time, though, my current television, while out-of-date, still works really well and is nice and large. I'm not in a hurry to replace it.

3. I don't like to watch shows while streaming them on the Internet, part 2. It's annoying to watch a TV show in a small window in the corner of my screen while I try to simultaneously surf the net. Now I understand why someone recommended I buy a cheap laptop, or another monitor.

4. I'm not sure what to do about white noise at the moment. Previously, I could just leave my TV on TBS or something and just have something going on in the background while I made dinner. Now, I listen to books on tape, or turn on the radio. At this moment, I'm watching a documentary about the Armenians during WWI, courtesy of the special features on my The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, season 2 DVDs (thank you, Kate!! I love it!). Maybe I should get used to some quite, and give myself more time for my thoughts... that may not always be a good idea, but I should probably give it a try anyway.

5. Still getting used to not having DVR. Yesterday morning, I woke up at 8am and wasn't ready to get out of bed. I thought, "I should record General Conference so I don't have to get up if I'm still not ready at 10am." Then I realized that wasn't an option. I listened to it on the radio and it was fine, but it was still a little sad to realize I can't record things I like anymore.

6. I have seen my last unedited HBO show. I'm going to miss watching edited stuff like Sex in the City on TBS, and Entourage on Fox, and any otherwise-rated R movies edited for network programming. No longer can I think "Oh I'll just wait until it's on TV." I'll learn to live without. After all, I finally saw Bridget Jones Diary, and it wasn't nearly as good as I'd expected. Neither was the Sex in the City movie (booooring!). I'm better off not knowing what I'm missing.

Television has been a big part of my life. When I was 12, I used my savings to buy a television/VCR combo. It was the biggest purchase of my life up to then, and for a few years after (my mom still can't believe she let me buy it). I grew really attached to the characters on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Friends, and so many other shows. I bought countless VHS tapes to record episodes and moments that I likes (when I was at home, and when I was away and would otherwise miss it). I learned how electronics worked, and became the go-to girl in my family for hooking up or fixing TVs, VCRs, computers, and other related electronics.

I guess it isn't really that big a change. After all, I'll still be following most of my shows, and some friends say they watch MORE now that they have Netflix, because you can watch a whole season of Gilmore Girls

I'll miss it though.

Good-bye regular network programming. Thanks for the stories and the memories!

April Fools!

Something tells me this is an April Fool's Day joke, which is too bad, because (to no one's surprise) I love the concept:

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