Sometimes I feel like an SCC at work

I had to address Mr. Coworker about something disrespectful that he said to me in a team meeting today. He indicated that my job as a technical writer is to "make the documentation pretty." He says it quite often actually. I know he doesn't mean to be rude, but he is. No, truthfully, he's just ignorant. As a software engineer, Mr. Coworker has no idea what exactly I do or how I do it (and vice versa). So, I guess I have to educate him. Or at the very least ask him not to use his favorite phrase any more.

As an overview of what my job is, here's a definition I borrowed from www.wisegeek.org:

A technical writer prepares clear, concisely written documentation that communicates technical information to a target audience. Some common examples of technical writing include user manuals for software, documentation guides for industrial machinery, and design or engineering specifications for construction projects. This is a very diverse field, and according to the American Bureau of Labor Statistics, it is rapidly growing.
In addition to being able to create clearly written communications, a technical writer must also be knowledgeable about the field in which he or she works. For example, one who works on documentation for medical procedures typically has an education in the medical field in addition to language skills, These writers can be found in engineering, physics, chemistry, biology, medicine, technology, and an assortment of other industries.*

I consider Mr. Coworker and I to be equals. But as I am a younger, single, female, technical writer, several of the engineers don't act as though they agree. It makes me work twice as hard, so comments like his make me feel twice as frustrated. I watch Mad Men and smile and groan because, seriously, I work in a misunderstood job in a male-dominated field, and things haven't changed nearly as much as we'd like to think they have. I identify with Peggy in so many ways!

I wrote up an e-mail and asked my boss to take a look at it. This is what we came up with:

I have a request, from one professional to another -- I need you to please refrain from referring to documentation as "making things pretty." You've said it several times during scrum meetings, and while part of my job involves formatting and layout, there is quite a bit more to what I do. I know you aren't trying to be disrespectful, but referring to my job in this way is dismissive and reveals a lack of understanding of the skills, knowledge and abilities of professional technical communicators. I know it's not your intention, but it undermines respect for the specialized skills I bring to the team. Just like software development, content development is a specialized discipline.
As I said, I doubt that you are trying to be disrespectful. You are generally kind and one of the few who doesn't act like I'm putting you out when I ask you to review documentation (a part of your job I know you don't necessarily enjoy). I appreciate our working relationship and hope that we can continue to be amicable in the future.

In the end, though, my boss asked if it would be better to talk with the coworker instead of sending an e-mail. That way, there wouldn't be ambiguity and he'd have a chance to apologize if he wanted to. When I confessed that I don't do well with face-to-face confrontation, my boss sent me this video:


I laughed and laughed, and then said, "Point taken."

I asked Mr. Coworker for a private conversation and we talked it over. He did apologize (though he thought the phrase justified in this case) and I affirmed that I appreciate our working relationship and did not think he was intentionally trying to be disrespectful. It wasn't quite the positive, shining conversation I hoped for, but it was far from the condescending, closed-minded shoutfest I feared.

After I shared the results with my boss and thanked her for encouraging me to just talk with Mr. Coworker, she replied, "In the words of my hero, Winnie the Pooh: 'You're braver than you think.'" I adore my manager. I am so lucky to have her support and understanding. Having a strong female role model in the workplace is invaluable.

I'm glad that I was brave and spoke up for myself. I struggle with that in general. People will never respect me unless I make them, and they won't know what I want or need unless I tell them. I can be kind when I do so. They might not show kindness in return (luckily, Mr. Coworker did), but I have no control over that. I did what I could. Today, that is enough.

*If you want to know more about technical writing, check out the wisegeek link above.

Spring weather in February

The groundhog saw his shadow, but the "six extra weeks of winter" doesn't seem to apply to Utah. We barely had six weeks OF winter!

I want to be thrilled that Utah is having an inexplicably warm winter. In the part of the Salt Lake valley that I work and live in, it's only snowed once and that was serendipitously on Christmas Day. I want to be thrilled that I don't need to wear a scarf, or a coat, or earmuffs when I go for a walk.

But we had a snow-lite winter last year and I'm worried Utah won't have enough water for the summer and fall... or next year if the east coast continues to steal all the Utah-like storms. The whole "I like snow in the mountains but not in the valley" line of thinking is obnoxious. If we get snow in the valley it means we're getting quality snow in the mountains, too! Good for the economy, good for our health, good for the environment. 

I'd be thrilled if this amazing 60 degree weather were happening next month instead of in February. I like experiencing all four seasons. It's unnatural not to see snow in the winter, especially in Utah, "The Greatest Snow on Earth."

(And I think that "I hate to drive in snow" is a terrible reason to hope we don't have any. News flash: NO ONE --  including an otherwise lover-of-snow like me -- enjoys driving in the snow. Get over it.)

Fortunately, I'm hearing that we're doing ok in the mountains, so I'll try not to stress too much.

Meanwhile, the trees and flowers are starting to bloom. This means that my allergies are starting to flare up. Allergies that haven't had time to recover from last year. For the first time ever, my eyelids itch. A lot. What the heck does a person do to keep her eyelids from itching?! Some kind of topical cream? The anti-histamine isn't cutting it. Boo.

And you just know that in about two weeks we'll get a freak cold snap, and all the flowers and tree blossoms will die. That's going to mess with Spring, and then no one will be happy.

I will admit that I do NOT miss the inversion that comes with cold air. But with my allergies I avoid leaving the windows open anyway... guess I can deal with that sacrifice.

You can't tell me Global Warming isn't real. 

Not a day goes by that -- for one reason or another -- I don't heave a great sigh and think: "I am a terrible friend."

Relationships are complicated. Social media makes it worse. Is so-and-so not returning my texts and calls because she's mad? Did I make it worse by calling and apologizing when I don't know if she really is mad? Why hasn't she called me back since unless she IS mad? Was that passive-agressive message on Facebook from another so-and-so meant for me?

I vowed a while back that I wouldn't post anything for the masses on social media that I haven't already talked over with the person involved. I've started and deleted a lot of posts with that promise in mind. I wish more people would make that vow.

I'm not a perfect person. The fact is, sometimes I am a terrible friend.

The hard part is forgiving myself, and hoping that the other people forgive me, too, when they are ready.

The guessing game just makes it worse :P

The sooner I stop worrying about what other people think about me, the happier I will be... or will I?

Aren't we supposed to care about the feelings of the people we love?

Gah! And now I'm right back where I started: "I am a terrible friend."

I must do better.

You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important.

I'm fairly certain we can all agree that the winter months are kind of miserable. After the holidays, we're faced with grey, yucky weather, no "big" holidays to look forward to, and the reality of paying off all those Christmas-time bills, not to mention the effects certain astrological events have on people in general. In addition to this, I'm dealing with some frustration at work and events that are giving me deja-vu to situations where the lesson I learn was that I am not important.

February is not an easy month for me emotionally. It never has been. But I've noticed a really disturbing trend, lately. My go-to answer to the question "How are you?" used to be "I'm happy." I'd say it when I was in a good mood, and would often say it when I was in a grumpy mood but wanted to pull myself out of it. For the last several months, I've been answering with "I'm OK." I guess that isn't so bad, but what I'm really saying is "I'm drowning in frustration and loss and feeling crappy and whiny, but I don't really want to talk about it right now and I hate saying 'I'm fine" so I'm using this as a placeholder." I can't even remember the last time I said "I'm happy" and meant it.

Now, I should probably take a moment to say that it's perfectly natural to go through grumpy periods. To expect myself (or anyone, really) to ALWAYS be in a good mood is setting myself up to fail. As Westley says in The Princess Bride, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." It's OK to not feel blissfully happy all the time. It's normal, even when it goes on for weeks or months. There's always a certain amount of happy, and a certain amount of sad. I, personally, don't like to feel sad, but just because I've been feeling sad that doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with me, as long as I don't let it overwhelm me. You take the good with the bad, right Facts of Life?

It bugs me when I'm described as "happy all the time." I feel pressure to be that way, like I'm not allowed to have a bad day, or if I do have one I am expected to keep it under wraps. Talk about unfair. I don't think emotions should be used as personality descriptors, because, if I'm a "happy person", then what the heck am I if I'm not happy? Oh, yeah, still normal.

I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself lately, and suddenly I'm noticing some troubling things about the way I talk about myself:

I'm a slacker.
I'm terrible.
I'm awful.
I'm the worst.

It's usually meant in a self-deprecating, jokey way, but the truth is, I'm starting to believe it. When you say a thing over and over again you tend to believe it, and I have started to believe it. I've started feeling sorry for myself. I feel bullied. I feel hopeless. I feel like a victim. That's definitely NOT okay!

My family has a history of depression, and several of my family members take medication. I've been to a therapist who determined that I am not depressed, but I sometimes wonder if that will change as I get older. That's why I feel the need to identify my problems, think my way through them, and talk them over with people I trust; people who know me, won't judge, and will help me figure out how to get back to my own personal version of normal.

As I focus on cutting those damaging statements out of my conversation, I've been repeating the following platitudes:

Yes, they are corny. No, I don't care. I need to change my personal view, and give myself permission to be less than perfect. If little things like joking that "I'm terrible" can make believe that I really am terrible, then little things like "I'm happy" can make me believe I'm happy... and then I'll get there again.

I've been feeling helpless in a lot of ways, and positive affirmation is a way to take back a tiny bit of control and do something for me. My life is great for the most part. I miss being my cheerful self. I need to redirect my sadness into acceptance and gratitude. I may change and grow in many ways, but I want to keep hold of "optimistic Megan" as much as possible -- let's grow THAT version of me, instead of "self-bullying Megan", shall we?

February tybbling

And now it's time for more random thoughts that have been on my mind lately:

• The only time I miss having access to television in my house is during the Olympics (I probably say this every time they come around). I've watched a few Sunday events while at my parents house, but that's it. It really, really bothers me that you can't watch online unless you have cable... do people who have cable really care about watching it online? I wish NBC would even just put some clips of events on the free site, instead of just the recaps and "how they got there" public-interest pieces. I'd love to watch Meryl Davis and Charlie White's gold-medal-winning ice dance performance!

• I am so emotionally over this sinus infection. Wish my body would catch up; I'm tired of not being able to sleep at night because I have to take naps during the day. At least this hasn't affected my voice as badly as the one last month did.

• A note about microphones and speaker phones: they are not magic. They pick up your voice when you speak up, speak clearly, and speak into it. If you are literally ten feet away from it during a conference call, do not be surprised if no one can hear you.

• It's kind of amazing how much difference a hair cut and color and a facial can make to improve my emotional well-being.

• Quite a few of my favorite bloggers/friends haven't posted anything in awhile. I kind of hope they're just taking a break and will come back some time (read the link; it's a great article). I love reading their thoughts and I miss them, but I know sometimes we need to be free to live our lives and let things happen without worrying about documenting every single moment!

• Blowing bubbles is soothing. I like to think that the relaxation that occurs is similar to the calm that smokers experience. Kids: don't smoke. Blow bubbles instead. It's healthier and less expensive.

• I almost always have a song running through my head, especially while I'm trying to fall asleep. For the last two weeks, it's alternated between two pieces I've been working on for The Sound of Music: "Morning Hymn" (sung as I bring on the new postulant near the end of Act I), and "Confitemini Domino" (a section of the Wedding medley). The silver lining is that I know the Latin and my second-soprano part amazingly well now!

• I had a Bishopric interview on Sunday, and it sparked a conversation about why I'm single and his observations about single guys in their 30s. The counselor said a lot of encouraging (and hilarious) things that I needed to hear. I came out of the interview feeling much better about myself. I am grateful!

• This adorable video from the Oh My Disney blog:

The Ultimate Declaration of Love - Oh My Disney on Disney Video

• Apparently, my Facebook breaks are super inconvenient for some of my friends. I am aware that you can change the settings so you don't get e-mail notifications for absolutely everything, but that doesn't work if you're an administrator for a group or page. Also, sometimes FB sends me notifications even when I've changed the setting so that it shouldn't. (DO NOT comment with ways I can get around this). So, I deactivate instead of just logging off -- in my mind it's the difference between losing 10 pounds just because, and losing it because a wedding is coming up. I'm on my computer all day long at work -- if I deactivate instead of logging off it's an extra incentive not to log in, no matter how much I'm tempted. I'm very flattered when people notice I'm gone and make sure to send me texts to keep me posted. That's nicer than just complaining it's so much harder to get hold of me now. I'm off FB because I need a break from the "easy access." Deactivating my account for two weeks is relaxing for me. I'm glad that it's an option and all my information is still there when I'm ready to log in again. Is it really so much harder to text or e-mail me, or just wait until I get back on? (If it's really urgent, I'd hope you'd text me anyway!)

• I took Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella (the Whitney Houston version) to my mom's house for Valentine's Day. I knew she and my dad were baby-sitting the kids that night and I thought they might enjoy it. I commented to Breezy that I should have brought my tiaras so we could wear them while we watched. We didn't get to finish the movie before their parents came to get them. Sunday morning I received a text from my brother stating that Breezy wanted me to bring the movie and the tiaras. She then proceeded to boss everyone around, insisting that Aaron and Heidi and I all wear one at various points of the evening. She's such a character!

Just a little insight into the life and mind of Miss Megan.

What's on your mind right now?

Happy Monday!

Mini-rants

Note: These are not directed to anyone specific. I'm just venting.

• Don't try to talk me into doing something I've already said I don't want to. I know what I'm comfortable with and I can be pretty stubborn. I have been known to change my mind on occasion, but it takes me a while to learn about, consider, and warm to ideas I might be initially opposed to. Then again, I may NEVER be interested (I'm not jumping out of a plane, sorry!) and you're going to have to deal. Leave me be, and don't make me feel like I must be dumb for not wanting to do it just because you happen to think it's a great idea. Just drop it. 

• Don't preach tolerance and love for all in one breath, and then bash my personal beliefs in the next. I'm not perfect, but at least I can acknowledge when I'm being a hypocrite. Sometimes keeping your mouth shut is a virtue. Give it a try, especially when you know it's probably going to offend a lot of your friends.

• If I complain about something, don't say, "Yeah, well at least you don't have to deal with [insert your current problem here]."
  
  Just because my problem may seem small compared to yours doesn't mean it isn't valid or any less stressful to me. I'm already having a bad day -- don't make it about you so that I then feel guilty and concerned for you on top of it (unless it's something awful, like someone died or you lost your job; I love you and would want to know in spite of the unfortunate timing). Feeling like a bad friend will always ruin my day.

• If I say something like, "I want to lose 5-10 pounds" don't immediately dismiss me and say "you don't need to lose weight." EVERYONE I know wants to lose a few -- or a lot of -- pounds, so don't make me feel like I'm unreasonable for wanting to be my best. I'm very aware of my actual size; I'm not going to go overboard. I try not to say this very often 'cause I know how obnoxious and uncomfortable it is to be around someone who obsesses about his or her weight all the time. Meanwhile, a little bit of support goes a long way.

• Even worse, if I say I HAVE lost weight, don't boldly look me up and down and then ask, "From where?" I know you're trying to flatter me, but it's aggravating and creepy, and marginalizes my hard work. Obviously, I lost it from all over, because that's how it works (I wish I could just target certain problem areas!)

• Lastly, if you have a problem with me or don't like something I'm doing: TELL ME! Don't passive-aggressively punish me, and then tell me it's my own fault when you do something you KNOW will hurt me. Is revenge really so sweet that you want to destroy my trust like that? I don't read minds any better than you do. I'll also be better about telling you when something YOU do really bothers me -- it goes both ways! Like I said, I'm not perfect and I can be somewhat oblivious, but I will apologize and try to fix it if I know the issue is important to you.

I hate it when "Angry Megan" shows up -- I don't like her and I don't like being mad at my friends. I love you guys. Please love me for who I am and don't push me if you see I'm growing upset. I promise to do my best to do the same.


Golly, it feels good to get that out in the open. I feel better. Feel free to continue going about with your lives!

"You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

- Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh

I've decided to implement a few mantras into my daily life:

1. I can do hard things.
This my new motto. I have been known to give up when things get tough or are no longer fun (this is one of the reasons it took so long to get my washer and dryer hook-ups done). I have decided that I don't like this about myself. I am starting to ask myself is: am I giving up because it's hard, or because I honestly don't care? If it's the former, I have to keep going.

2.

This should be self-explanatory, but I have a hard time with it. I tend to over-empathize, and also take things personally when I shouldn't; it's not always about me, but sometimes it is, and that's when I'm allowed to be selfish. Several people this month have flaked out on me at the last minute, so I have decided it's okay to do my own thing, especially when I'm the one making the plans. Also, I no longer feel obligated to see some one's play if they haven't been to my last three or four. If they are supportive, you better believe I'm going to make an effort. Otherwise, sorry Charlie. There may be exceptions, but in general I have to make me the #1 priority.

3. Money doesn't matter.
Is anyone else as sick of spending money as I am? For some reason, I feel like I don't have any. But, if I can afford to pay off my credit card bill nearly every month and also put a few dollars in savings, it's okay to buy something big -- like a trip to Disneyland -- once in awhile. I am so tired of worrying about money. I can always make more. I may not be rich, but I'm better off than quite a few people I know.

The last month has been unbearably tough for quite a few reasons. It gets to a point when a woman realizes she needs to make some changes to keep the outside world from dictating her emotional well-being. Giving myself permission to believe and follow-through on the above has already helped relieve some of my pain. With any luck, these reminders will continue to make each day a little better.

Things are looking up.

Dating Rant

In regards to dating, 2013 has not been a great year for me so far. I'm not going to pretend it's been all bad. I have had some fun, I've learned a lot, and I have grown a little more comfortable with standing up for myself as an equal participant in a relationship. Hooray!

However, several things have happened that feel like the proverbial punch in the face. With that in mind, I just want to vent for a moment.

Note: I am not allowing comments on this post, because I'd prefer not
to do deal with them on this subject. My own thoughts are enough to
be going on for now. Thanks for your love and support!

• If I hear/see one more 19-22 year old girl whine about how hard it is to be single, I may have to smash something. Admittedly, I probably was one of those annoying girls. With the exception of this post, I tend to try not to dwell on being single. I would like to be married and yet I simultaneously acknowledge that I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm so tired of these girls posting their grief all over Facebook. 

• Dear #1 cheerleader: I signed up for online dating. You can stop pestering me about it now. If it works, great, but if it doesn't, please be ok with it. (I can live with the "I told you so's" if it does work. Everybody wins in that scenario!)

• What is up with the profile photos certain men put up on dating websites? Are they not really trying to attract women? Kind of a turn-off to only post photos of you wearing sunglasses (preventing me from seeing your actual face), photos you took of landscape and flowers on vacation (seriously?), photos of just your kids or past girlfriend (um... what?), half-hearted, blurry photos you took from your Mac at 2am where you aren't even smiling (sigh), or just not posting photos at all. Uh... I'm not trying to be extra-shallow, but I want to see what you actually look like, so that if we did arrange to meet I would know who you are! (Note, it bothers me only slightly less when people use these kinds of profile photos on Facebook, single or married.)

• Sometimes, I want to post something on Facebook like, "What is wrong with men? Why are they all such jerks?" And then I don't, because when I think about it I know quite a lot of non-jerky men, and there are likely a lot of other good men that I haven't met yet. It's unfair to blame all men when I'm really just mad at one guy.

• If we go out on one date and I say I don't want to go out again because I'm seeing someone else, it's not ok for you to throw a tantrum and make my life as difficult as possible after that. (Ideally, I wouldn't tell you about the other guy, but it was kind of unavoidable in this scenario.)

• I can totally relate to the girl in Larissa's guest post on The Cultural Hall blog who feels like the "token single friend." Thanks to all who don't make me feel this way. I have married friends, single friends, single-parent friends, teenage friends, empty-nester friends, etc. We all have different stuff going on. It can get exhausting trying to dissect "The Singles Problem" with those who aren't actually dealing with it... and boring when that's all my single friends want to talk about :P

• Actually, I love this post on A Blog About Love about 6 tips for single women (that also probably apply to men). I still hate it when married people give advice, but her heart is in the right place and it's also really good advice!

• But, seriously, married friends, don't post some jokey 121 reasons to date me and call me out saying you think I'd like it. I was unable to find it funny because so many of the items implied that the person writing (I guess in this instance, me) is a crazy idiot. I know you meant well, but it came off as condescending. You found your guy. Don't rub it in.

• Also, married men friends, don't tell me that if you were single you'd snap me up in a minute. The fact is that you are NOT single. Again, I know your heart is in the right place (and I would marry some of you if you WERE single), but this feels a little condescending. You're already married, so you're off the hook. And it makes me wonder why my single guy friends don't see what you apparently do.

• What is it with guys that don't want to be set up? Wait, let me rephrase that: I understand why some people don't want to be set up, and I respect that choice. However, consider this scenario: Your friend tells you that there is this awesome girl they think you would get along with. They give you the girls' number and you don't call. Then by some weird happenstance you end up in the same room with the girl, say, you separately are involved in a one-night-only variety show. You walk over to say "Hi" to the mutual friend, and the guy sees you and literally runs away at the first opportunity. This has happened to me twice in the last few months. I am a nice person and I hope I'm kind of pretty. It's really hard on the self-esteem when men can't try to be civil, or even look me in the eye. It's not like I'm trying to trap you! Sheesh! Relax! I can deal with men not being interested, but I can't deal with them actively being rude.

• Also, mutual friends trying to set us up: If the guy doesn't call me, give him a break. There are worse things than a guy who isn't interested (like a guy who runs away from me because you've put so much pressure on him and teased him mercilessly about it).

*Snarl*

*Sigh*

I think I have it out of my system now. Back into the pool!

An audition attitude wake-up call

When I told Mattie June that I wasn't called back for Ragtime, she laughed and said, "I'm so glad to hear that even you don't get cast in everything!" I was a little surprised at her reaction, but I'm glad to hear that my failures help the self-esteem of my friends! Fortunately, I didn't need any sympathy that day ;-)

As I and my theater friends start preparing for the crazy rush that is the summer community theatre season, I've been hearing and thinking a lot lately about the following logical-fallacy:

A history of playing leads, having worked with a director previously, or being talented means that you are a shoo-in for the next role. 

This is a dangerous belief. Not only is it untrue, it creates a sense of entitlement and causes a lot of grief and heartache when an audition doesn't work in your favor. I don't know anyone who is cast in EVERY show they audition for (though the natural tendency to downplay failures and play up successes definitely cause this perception).

Similarly, it is not a forgone conclusion that when you finally "break out" of being in the ensemble and are cast in a larger role, that you have been discovered and it's totally easy to get those great roles from then on. If you don't figure that out quickly, you're in for a frustrating experience. This is one of my favorite quotes about this disappointing, humbling phenomenon, from Olivia Williams, an actress I wouldn't mind seeing more of:

When the Hollywood thing happened, I thought at some point I'd get to the front of the queue: "Yes, hello, I'd like to play that role." But you don't. You just join a different queue. 

I roll my eyes when my friends lucky enough to get leads in a lot of places swear off certain theaters because they auditioned there once and weren't even called back. Sorry, I don't feel sorry for you. You're not going to be what the director wants every time, and you don't automatically deserve a role or even a callback just because you are talented and you showed up. A lot of other people who are also talented didn't get called back, either. And the person who actually got the role probably deserved it just as much as you did. Nobody owes you anything. If you can't learn to live with rejection, you are in the wrong business.

Okay, that was a little harsh. Here is a list of things that directors would LOVE you to do for auditions.

Am I jealous of people who are more talented/better prepared than I? You bet! Is it even worse when the person who beats me out for a role is someone I think is equally or possibly less talented than I? Oh, yeah. Those are the ones that sting the most. As William H. Macy once said:

There were some roles I really thought I could play that they gave to Kevin Spacey, but you know, what the hell.

(This quote has become my new motto whenever I don't get a role. "Oh, well! Next!")

There are a million reasons you might not be cast in a show. I love this list of 25 reasons why you didn't get the part. Clears a few things up, doesn't it? All you can do is your best, and then what happens happens. It doesn't do any good to complain when the casting process so subjective... though it might make us feel better for a little while ;-) In most cases, not getting the part doesn't mean you aren't talented. It just means you aren't what the production team is looking for this time. It's okay to be disappointed, but don't let that keep you from trying again another time.

Also, if you and a friend are up for the same part and you don't get it, do NOT make your friend feel badly or downplay their success, regardless of how disappointed you might be. The friend is allowed to be happy about their good luck; heaven knows you would have been if you had gotten the part. It's a sad truth that we are in competition with each other during rehearsals, but must learn to be friends or at least work together during rehearsals and performances...and then you run into those friends at future auditions and it starts all over again. Don't let that keep you from making friends, and be nice no matter how jealous you are. Or, better yet, just be proud of them! I sure am proud/jealous of a lot of my awesome and talented friends!

Another article to read and ponder the next time you (or I, I'm not perfect either) want to complain about the unfairness of the biz: 15 Truths About Being a Professional Dancer. Read it. Love it. Make it your own.

I always specify if I'll only accept a certain role. I don't think that makes me a diva; it makes me honest. I do most of my shows for free, and if I'm going to spend two to four months working on a show after a full day of work, it has to be a show and role that I care about. (Actually, my friend Kristen covered this topic quite well a few years ago.) If I say I'll only take one or two roles, and I'm not cast, I can live with it. (It's a lot harder on the ol' self-esteem when I say I'll take any role and am still not cast.) I hope that directors don't hold my honesty against me. After all, it seems to me to be a lot worse to say I'll take anything (trying to avoid the "diva" moniker), and then refuse a lesser role after the director cast the entire show with this in mind.

To be clear, there ARE certain shows and theaters I would be in the ensemble for. Plus, I have a good sense of my abilities, so I try to be realistic about my choices and my chances.

It also doesn't hurt to audition once in awhile for a show I know I have little to no chance at, just to practice auditioning and see what happens. It takes the stress off myself and allows me to do some crazy things I might not do if I'm more concerned about the outcome. However, be prepared to actually do the show if your practice audition goes well (hello, Arsenic and Old Lace)!

There are several auditions coming up that I hope turn out well for me. I think it's time I read Audition again. And as always, I'll continue to practice, practice, practice!

Theater friends, break a leg at your auditions and in your summer shows! Let me know what your next project is as soon as you know, and I'll be sure to do the same!

NO COMPS FOR YOU!!!

It's been awhile since I ranted on this blog, and this one is a doozy.

I'm in the middle of the run of my latest show, Arsenic and Old Lace. I'm pretty proud of this one, and consequently have invited a LOT of people to come. Many wonderful people have come already, and others have regretfully informed me they can't come for one reason or another.

And a few people have had the nerve to say this to me:


"I don't pay to see shows."


Wait, what?!


ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!!?!

Now, I am the first to admit that I am always grateful for free tickets, and I am much more likely to attend a show when offered comps. I also understand that there are many valid reasons a person may not want to/be able to come to one of my shows:

• Can't afford it
• Too busy
• No interest in seeing that particular play
• Trying to avoid someone in the show
• Not close enough friends with anyone in the show
• Hates theater/musicals

I have used most of these excuses (obviously the last one doesn't apply to me). After all, I meet an average of 5-20 new friends during every play I do, and I can't possibly see every show every person is in -- even if I want to -- especially if a play is double-cast and I know people in both casts. I'm also at the point where I no longer stress out about seeing the plays that certain "friends" are in, when those same friends don't make any effort to come to mine. I like these people and would love to support them, but it's depressing to spend my money on them when they don't bother to reciprocate. It's not like every show I do costs $21 (though my current show does).

However, to say that they never pay to see a play sounds like the height of arrogance to me. Good for them being able to get in for free, but, seriously, there isn't a scenario where they would actually pay to see a show? Really?!?!

To me, there is a big difference between "I can't afford it" and "I don't pay to see shows, ever."

The worst part? ALL of the people who have used this excuse are HEAVILY INVOLVED IN THEATER. So many theaters and theater companies are struggling as it is, and here is a group of people who love and are involved in theater who are taking advantage of the system and not helping the companies who could really use the income. And yet, they are the first to invite me to see their latest project. Ugh!

What I want to know is: what makes them so much better than the rest of us? I go to plays because I love them and I love supporting my friends. Obviously, these people don't feel the same way. They are too entitled to make a little effort and show a little love. They expect that if the friend wants them to come badly enough, the friend will find a way to get them in for free. Yeah, no. I don't play that way. My comps are reserved for people I think would actually appreciate them.

What's your take on this particular excuse? What would you say if someone said this to you?

Star Wars and Disney

At this point, it's no secret that Disney purchased Lucasfilm from George Lucas, and are planning to release a new Star Wars film in 2015.

Yaaaaay! As a teenager I read a lot of Star Wars books and I'm so excited to see what they do! I do hope they don't try to continue the Luke/Leia/Han story, and focus on events later in the future. They wrapped up the second set of movies so nicely, why mess that up? Plus, I'm a little nervous about other actors trying to take on those iconic roles.

Actually, this video gave me hope. Sure, it's from an interview in 1983, but it's nice to know that later movies were always an option!

(Also, I love that when this interview was broadcast, no one had seen Return of the Jedi, yet. It was fun to watch the clips and pretend I was seeing them for the first time. Now I want to watch it again.)

I'll stop worrying until we actually get news about story, casting, etc. This is all new!

I WILL say that I'm annoyed that everyone keeps referring to Princess Leia now as a Disney princess. Princess Leia is what Disney princesses WISH they were... and I say that even as a big fan of the Disney princesses. Leia was fighting for a bigger cause than her own personal dream. She was rescued a few times, but did her share of rescuing, too. She fought her own battles. And in the end, she DIDN'T end up with a prince.

Okay, I admit this made me smile.
Wish I knew who the artist is.

I know, I'm taking this too seriously. I can't explain exactly why this rubs me the wrong way. It just does.

That being said, this video is hilarious.

"I kissed my brother."
"Ew, you ho!"

Haha! No princess's life is perfect, I guess!

*Updated* Off Facebook until after the election

I am sick and tired of the awful things people are saying to and about each other and the Presidential candidates on Facebook. Just now, someone made a disparaging remark about "undecided" voters (yes, she used quotation marks), because apparently it's supposed to be obvious who the best person is... probably the person she supports (BTW, she hasn't said anything about who she actually supports, so I find this a little hypocritical). I feel like this election is a big deal. I KNOW it's a big deal and a lot of people are really riled up about it. Well, after the posts I saw tonight about the second debate, I realized I probably am not going to remain friends with a lot of people if I keep reading their vicious comments. So, I'm taking myself out of the equation.

A little sad, and very annoyed. Since when did accusations and mud-slinging become an "accepted" way to support your candidate? None of it is winning me to "your side." Makes me just want to write in "Britney Spears" and be done with it.

*Updated 10-18: I didn't realize the election is still 3 weeks away... that feels like a long time to be off Facebook, especially since I deactivated my account on an impassioned, ill-thought-out whim. If I log back in and simply start hiding individual feeds, please don't make fun of me :P Or do, but don't post anything on my wall about the election!!

Feeling peevish

Here is an incomplete list of my pet peeves, in no particular order:

• Empty rolls of paper towels and toilet paper. How hard is it to grab a new one when you use the last square? I am so tired of feeling like I am always the one replacing them. (Does everyone else feel this way? Have they given up? Hmmm...)
• Backhanded compliments. A girl posted on one of our Little Women publicity photos that one of the girls was "the only one who looks like she's not wearing a bad wig. you are gorgeous!" What? She couldn't find a way to publicly compliment her friend without making the rest of us feel like garbage? Never mind the fact that only two out of 5 girls was even wearing a wig. Rude! 
• Saying "I've got a secret!" then refusing to tell me what it is. If you're just looking for attention, I'm not going to pry your secret out of you. Tell me or don't. I'll find out somehow in just a little while anyway... especially if you're telling everyone else I know.
• Cell phones in movie theaters. You already know how strongly I feel about this. I'm on the verge of not going to movies anymore, and that makes me so sad! Why give the jerks the power??
• Guilt trips disguised as teasing. All teasing is based on real feelings. I feel guilty about a lot of things right now, why do you think it's funny to make me feel worse, and then make me feel even more badly when I don't laugh it off? 
• People who don't listen. There are only so many times I am willing to repeat myself before giving up on whatever I was talking about.
• Unsolicited dating advice. This is not limited to married people giving advice, or even advice about dating, really. It's one thing if I trust and respect you enough to ask for help or an opinion. Otherwise, please butt out.
• People who think the rules don't apply to them. If I've been in a long line for 20 minutes, I'm not going to take it kindly if you just move in front of me and pretend I won't notice. I will. And unless you have a darn good reason, I will tell you to get in the back (at which point you'll act like I am the rude one). Life isn't fair, but you don't need to act like you're better than the rest of us.
• Rude salespeople and waiters, and people who are rude to salespeople and waiters. It takes a special kind of person to work in the service industry. I've manned phones before and there are a LOT of really nice people in the world... but it just took one jerk to ruin my day. On the flip side, if I am paying you for a service, or you are paid to offer me service, and I being civil, don't take advantage and don't take your frustrations out on me. I'm not intentionally trying to make your life harder by pointing out that you forgot my side of bacon.
• People who don't use their blinkers while driving. I don't read minds! Please give me some warning you're moving into my lane... or out of it!

Are any of these on your list? What behaviors really drive you crazy?

Another end-of-vacation disaster

Why is it that disasters always seem to happen to me on the way home from a vacation? Either a severely delayed flight, or the car breaks down, or, the only time I ever had to use an airsickness bag on a plane -- the bag leaked all over my white corduroys! And, of course, there's the infamous cupcake incident.

It's annoying, because you always best remember the last thing that happened, so if it's a disaster, it tends to taint my whole vacation.

Sadly, I had yet another disaster at the end of my Philadelphia trip.

We had a direct flight home, which meant the snack cart came around twice. The first time, I ordered milk, which they gave me in a carton. The second time, I asked for tomato juice. I get it a lot on flights 'cause... well, even though I like it a lot I don't drink it very often.

It's always been obnoxious to me that if I order a Sprite, they pour it from a 12 oz. can into a 6 oz. plastic cup that's already full of ice, so, really, I'm getting about 3 oz of Sprite. Now, I guess I understand that planes have limited storage room, so they want their supplies to go a long way (they are always so annoyed when I ask for the can). Then again, if they gave me the whole can, maybe I wouldn't need them to come around a second time.

Anyway, I asked for tomato juice, and the flight attendant opened up a new bag of tiny cups and fresh can of juice, and poured some out for me (no ice -- thanks!). As she handed me the cup, the juice spilled all over the arm of my hoodie.

There was a huge slit in the side of the cup. The cup she had just pulled from the new bag.

The attendant was horrified and immediately tossed out the cup, and poured some club soda on a napkin for me to "pat, not rub" on my sleeve. Then she threw out several more obviously-slitted cups from the stack, and poured me a fresh glass of tomato juice. This one, thankfully, did not dump all over my sleeve.

The second cup waited until I had put it down on the tray table, eaten a few peanuts, and picked it up again. Then the previously unnoticed slit ripped open and spilled the juice all over my lap. 

I immediately called for the attendant who had only moved about two feet away. She was on the wrong side of the drink cart, but her associate tossed my second cup into the garbage, and -- since the back restroom was blocked by her cart -- led me to the front of the plane so I could use the first class bathroom (which was sadly just as small as the regular ones). However, since someone was already waiting for the bathroom and they only let one non-first-class person in first class to wait at a time, I stood at the front of the regular-class people... trying to surreptitiously dab at my lap and praying that nobody was looking at me (especially those people whose heads were on the same level as my spill) and also very aware that all of the seats behind me were facing my direction.

Finally I got to move to the other side of the curtain and wait at the back of first class... and that's when the guy sitting in the back looked to the side and saw the huge spot on the front of my jeans. Now, this was one of those guys who thinks it's funny to make an awkward situation worse, and somehow didn't get that I didn't think this was all funny yet. He asked what had happened, and when I told him, he joked, "Oh, that's a good story -- slitted cup!" indicating that he fully believed I had wet my pants. At least the stain wasn't red. That would have been much, much worse!

I cleaned up as well as I could in the bathroom, and would you believe that guy felt the need to tell me the stain "looked better" as I walked back to my seat?! Um, dude, stop looking at my crotch! It was bad enough before, but then I really felt like everyone was staring at me. *Note to all men -- it's never okay to comment in a situation like that. EVER. A little silence goes a looooong way!* Apparently, first-class passengers aren't required to be classy.

I finally made it back to my seat, and soon after the second attendant came by to ask if I still wanted anything to drink.

I asked for water.

The first attendant came back later to apologize profusely and tell me she had to throw away the entire sleeve of cups. If I were a more assertive person I might have demanded some kind of compensation, like extra frequent flier miles, or even just some plastic wings, but I just wanted to sip my water, read my book, and forget this whole thing.

My parents were on my flight but sat in a different row, so they missed this whole debacle. When we debarked the plane, Mom asked how the flight was, and I started crying and said "I want to go home!" They dropped me off at home, I left my luggage in the front room, and went to check my mailbox... managing to lock my keys and phone into my house.

Not. My. Day!

So I introduced myself to one of my neighbors, borrowed her phone, and left a message asking my mom to come back and bring her spare key (since she had not had time to get home and I don't have her cell phone memorized). You have no idea how happy I was to finally get inside my house, eat, and take a nap. Sooo good to be home!

Like I said, disasters seem to follow me. I don't know why they can't happen at the beginning of the trip so that I can enjoy the rest, and give the good memories a chance to shine brighter. Then again, if it happened at the beginning they might haunt me and spoil the rest of the trip...*shrug*

Next time I travel, no crazy mishaps, okay? Thanks!

Gimme some hand sanitizer!

**Warning: Very, very uncharacteristic discussion of toilet etiquette to follow. Germophobes need not read.**

What is your stance on washing your hands after using the restroom?

I, personally, feel that one should ALWAYS wash their hands. No exceptions. For one thing, you usually have to touch doorknobs to get out of the room. For another, eventually you'll have to touch something, and someone else may have to touch that same thing sometime. Not washing your hands (and then touching your face) is the fastest way to get sick, short of someone coughing directly into your face, but then at least you know where the illness came from.

I understand that the potty-process is different for men and women, and that little kids who are being potty-trained possibly (only possibly) aren't touching gross things, but doesn't washing your hands make sense in general? After all, unless you cleaned the restroom yourself, you don't know how clean anything is. Is there enough toilet paper in the world to justify not washing your hands?

I ask because twice today (and a couple of times previously), I was in the Ladies' room with a female coworker who didn't wash her hands.

A FEMALE!

TWICE IN ONE DAY!!!!

Now I don't want to touch any doorknobs, or chairs, or anything else she may have touched ever again. I haven't checked whether she has hand sanitizer... but you can be assured I will be buying some pronto.

Also, one of the times we were in there, this same woman was on the phone. I heard her talking, she flushed the toilet, and then continued sitting in her stall as she continued to chat. I waited a few minutes, then left without doing my thing. I worked about 10 more minutes then went back and she was finishing up (in the stall, not on the phone-- she left still talking, and did not wash her hands). I guess her friend didn't mind the toilet sounds, but I didn't feel comfortable having some stranger on the phone hear what I was doing.

So... not washing hands and talking on the phone in the public restroom. Are there times when this is appropriate? For a grown woman (or man)?

I'll be honest: I'm a little terrified of your possible affirmative responses. If that's the case, feel free to be as brief and undetailed as possible...

Ew. Seriously, ew.

Fighting with Mac

*This post might not be interesting to most, but if anyone has computer/mac experience I'd love your advice!

If my laptop at home were a person and had a face, I would have punched it days ago.

We are in a fight.

Basically, I want it to work as it has for the last two-and-a-half years, and it just wants to play with ColorWheel.


I HATE ColorWheel! It's been my constant companion for most of the last WEEK!

Last Thursday, I videotaped the last dress rehearsal of my show (it's legal because the script's in public domain and it wasn't an official performance anyway). I forgot how long it takes to download a video of 2+ hours. Unfortunately, it takes about 2+ hours, and I didn't want to stay up until 2 a.m. Thursday night. So, I let my computer download until its usual time for shutting off (you know, to save power).

Well, when I woke up the next morning and rebooted the machine, ColorWheel had appeared. I didn't worry, because I figured the machine needed to reorient itself. I went to work... went to a show... came home after midnight and turned the machine on again... and ColorWheel was still there, which I took to mean that it was still downloading the video (even though the countdown on the downloader wasn't ticking down). I stayed up with it until 2 a.m. but didn't see much of a change, so, again, I went to bed.

Saturday morning, first thing, I turned on the computer, and saw that the video had failed to download. There wasn't enough memory on the machine!! I spent the bulk of the day finding my external hard drive, backing up ALL of my files, and deleting a ton of photos and videos and other things while I listened to General Conference on the radio (that's what happens when you don't have cable t.v. and your computer won't cooperate -- hooray for reliable old-school media!). I tried downloading the video again, and at least when it failed the second time it happened fairly quickly.

Sunday was spent much the same way: deleting already backed-up videos and photos I thought I could live without. Then I tried to upload the video for the third time -- this time I succeeded!! Hallelujah!

Finally, everything seemed to be fine. I watched the first act of my show, caught up on some other t.v.... life as usual.

And then Monday happened. I booted up my computer, but anytime I tried to do anything my old pal ColorWheel would show up for awhile. Any video I watched on Hulu would take forever to load, show 15 seconds, and then fail.

So, I did what any rational, slightly clueless person would do.

I restarted the machine.

BIG MISTAKE!!!!!

It took 2 days to reboot. TWO DAYS! And it didn't shut down to save energy because technically it wasn't even on.

Monday night I started yelling at Mac. A lot.

Last night it finally booted up -- I was so relieved!! I deleted a ton of stuff from iTunes and then emptied my Trash can.  Then I tried to watch an episode of Smash. It didn't even get through the "what you've missed" section before a pop-up appeared to tell me I'm out of "application space" and had to shut down a few programs (that pop-up is the other bane of my existence). I closed down iTunes but left Safari up so I could try to keep watching the video.

ColorWheel has been eating up my screen ever since.

I feel so helpless! It's been a week, and I am waaaaaay past lost patience. I can't do ANYTHING! No internet, no weather.com, no t.v., no online journaling... granted, I'm making great progress reading my latest library book, but this is so frustrating.

Any advice? I bought it in September of 2009. Is it just old? It has been getting slower and slower the last few months. At this point, I'd fear it has a virus, but it's a Mac computer, and aren't viruses on those pretty rare?

No time for my thoughts

I'm burned out. I work 8 or more hours, go directly to rehearsal for three hours, and get home around 10:30p.m, when I need to prepare ALL of my meals for the next day before collapsing into bed (at which point my downstairs neighbors decide to have an argument, or turn on the t.v. in their bedroom, both of which keep me up even more late).

My show opens a week from tomorrow (technically, my cast starts on Saturday, March 31). This means that we have rehearsals every day. Saturday and Sunday I have stuff going on all day. I have chosen my obligations and I'm happy to fulfill them.

But, I'm not necessarily a social being. On a normal week, I need at least one or two evenings to myself. When that doesn't happen, I get crabby, and my thoughts become confused because I have no time to reflect on all that's going on. Well, I haven't had a night to myself in about two weeks, and the thought that I won't get one until after my show opens depresses me even more.

Even more frustrating is when I'm that irritated and haven't worked through why, and then someone insists I tell them what is wrong. I appreciate the support of my friends and understand they're just trying to help, but if I don't know what I'm actually upset about, how the heck am I supposed to explain it to someone else? I end up saying bratty things I later regret. Then I have the guilt of having just been rude to my friend when they were just trying to make me feel better; as someone who is very sensitive to other people's feelings, this is the very worst thing. My moods don't generally last very long, but I do need time to work through them.

I am tired and grouchy. So much so that I'm considering taking tomorrow off. Not even calling in sick, just taking a vacation day. This is HUGE! I hoard my vacation days like Scrooge McDuck hoards his gold coins.

If I were to stay home tomorrow, I would do the following:

• sleep in
• cook breakfast
• do a prolonged, real workout, instead of just taking a walk and calling it "sufficient exercise"
• clean my house (it's in desperate need!)
• cook lunch
• catch up on some of the many t.v. shows piling up in my Hulu queue
• maybe take a nap
• cook dinner (do you see a theme here?)

Okay, I talked myself into it. I'm taking the day off tomorrow. At least from work. I might skip rehearsal, too, 'cause the other cast is running so I don't really need to be there, even though I like going and the other cast is hilarious. Then again, there is such a thing as TOO much time alone, and it's rough not to talk with anyone for an entire day. We'll see how I feel.

Just need to survive today! *Resist the urge to cry*

What are things that you do that relax or cheer yourself up when you're having one of "those" days? Do you like to be around people when you're in a bad mood?

Letters to people

Dear interested men,
Please have mercy on me. Sometimes I am just as clueless as a teenage boy when it comes to flirting and recognizing signals. Have patience. I am trying.

This works both ways!!!

Dear rejected men,
Don't give up on women and dating and marriage altogether! Don't waste your time on the woman who said "No." She might be a fool or simply have had good intentions. If there's one thing I've learned in my 17 years of dating, it's that there is someone for everyone. Really. Keep hoping. 

Dear maneating women,
Stop breaking good guys! If you're not interested, move on as soon as possible and give other girls a chance. 

Dear handsome jerks*,
Do not rely on your good looks alone. Finding a "decent" girl takes effort and kindness. No matter how hot you are, arrogance and entitlement will wreck your chances every time. 

Dear Home Owners Association,
Please schedule the 2011 (yes, "2011" -- not a typo!) meeting already! If you're going to charge me a bunch of money because of all of the setbacks from the last two years, I'd rather know sooner than later so I can move on and start making other financial plans. 

Dear television shows and movies that feature dancing,
Some of us, including me, actually want to see the choreography. Kindly knock off the 3-second shots and shaky cam. Also, it's helpful to be able to see the feet (especially for tap) or entire body (pretty much all instances) of the performer. Those choreographers and dancers work hard, and I would like to be able to appreciate that work. Otherwise, what's the point of filming a dance?!!! 

Dear NPR,
Thank you for keeping me apprised of world/political/cultural goings-on! It's nice not to feel completely clueless anymore. 

Dear rehearsals,
I wait for you ALL DAY LONG and you never disappoint! I didn't think it was possible to bond with a cast so quickly, or love convoluted dialogue so much. I am a little embarrassed that I can't articulate how very happy you make me. Bless you, and keep it up! 

Dear people who post photos of food on blogs or Facebook,
I can't decide if I love or hate you. On the one hand, it looks amazing. On the other hand, now I'm hungry!!

Dear chocolate cake donuts with chocolate frosting and sprinkles,
You are so mean. By some miracle, I have been able to resist you four times in the last three weeks. You already know you are my favorite; I promise that no other treat is even close to satisfactorily replacing you. Leave me alone for awhile!

Dear coworkers,
Yes, there is a new wall next to my cubicle. Things like that happen when the office is remodeled. No, I don't want to chat about it every single time there is a change: "Ooh! It's been framed!" "Ooh! It's been drywalled!" "Ooh! It's been puttied!" Thanks, time-wasting Captain Obvious.

Dear every pair of jeans I own,
Why are you all too short?!! I washed you before I hemmed you and you STILL shrunk?! Not cool, jeans. Not cool. Someday I would actually like to look stylish >:(

Dear blogging friends,
POST SOMETHING SOON! I love hearing from you.

Dear reading friends,
Thanks for putting up with my random thoughts, events, and ranting!
You are the BEST!! 

Sincerely, 

Miss Megan


*Not all handsome men are jerks. Thank goodness.
Also, the term "handsome" is relative. As I said, there is someone for everyone if you don't give up!

Tybbling rant: things driving me crazy this week

My mom bought me a blender for Christmas. Can you believe I've lived alone for nearly 5 years and never had one? Well, I decided I want to make more fruit smoothies, so put a smoothie-recommended one on my wish list on Amazon.

Last Friday, I finally opened the blender, washed it, and put some frozen strawberries, orange juice, and yogurt in it.

The blender immediately broke. The blades moved maybe three or four times before a piece on the underside (the part connecting the blades to the motor) broke off.

I can hear the motor whirring, but the blades won't budge (unless the cup is empty, which is flat-out useless and ridiculous). I have the piece that broke off. I guess the piece below the blade is just too weak to move without it.

Really? I didn't even get to make ONE smoothie before this happened?!!!
_______________

It's bad enough to be stuck in traffic.

It's worse when I'm stopped behind an SUV or other large car and can't see what's ahead of me (like whether we're merging into another lane because there was an accident).

It's the very WORST when another SUV is behind me and keeps RIDING MY BUMPER so I can't see behind me either; I'd love to move into another lane, but I can't see what traffic is coming and I don't want to risk getting creamed. Also, I'm afraid that if I break too quickly -- as is sometimes necessary depending on the traffic -- you'll hit me from behind, and I really don't need that.

Please, people, stay half-a-suburban's length behind me!
_______________

My dreams have been really disturbing of late. Dark, violent, unsettling. I must be stressed about something and I don't know what it is. It's horrible when I can't look forward to sleeping, and I wake up even more tired than when I lay down.

_______________

I generally don't like to share my bad choices, because it seems like whenever I do someone (who usually means well) feels the need to point out what I did wrong and offer unsolicited advice. Guess what? I know what my issues are! Your "help" only makes me feel worse about myself, when all I was looking for was an, "Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry, my friend." Even though your intentions were (most likely) good, your "advice" feels like judgment and makes me want to yell at you.

Do I really have to censor everything I say, even with people I trust? Doing that just gives the impression that nothing bad ever happens to me, and not only is that not true, it's unfair to expect me to be "bright and shiny all the time!!!

Next time, skip the lecture. Can't I just vent and move on?

(No, this is not for anyone specific.)
_______________

I want Tina's polka-dot dress and blue tie (bottom left)

I just learned that Lea Michele will NOT be leaving Glee at the end of this season, even though her character should be graduating.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?!!

I apologize to everyone who loves her and I admit that she has a nice voice, but her character drives me nuts, and I am sick and tired of her singing half of the songs in every episode, especially because she's incapable of singing anything sincerely and non-belty, and there are other singers I like a lot more (glad Tina got to sing lead at Sectionals... even if it was only because Rachel was suspended and the other girls defected to another club). Every time I see Rachel on screen I count the seconds until they cut to someone less obnoxious and more interesting. I stopped caring about her storyline a long time ago.

I was sooo looking forward to Glee becoming more of a true ensemble show, but with her (and Corey Monteith and Chris Colfer) still in the picture, that won't be happening anytime soon. The writers and fans apparently love them too much. Ugh.

She's really not leaving?!! I may finally have to stop watching this show, or at the very least just fast-forward through her scenes. It'll cut the watching-time down considerably!

_______________

I'll stop now. I promise I'm fine and actually having a good week.  These are such little things, and yet they irritate me!!

Is anything bugging you lately? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

(I probably should have made this into 5 separate blogs. Oh, well...)

Grinchy rants (a.k.a "Bah! Humbug!")

I'm not a fan of Neil Diamond anyway (except "Coming to America" -- that song gets me every time), and it irritates me that he has a Christmas album. I feel like popular Jewish entertainers shouldn't record Christmas songs. They know that their fans will snap up those albums just because their names are on them. It just seems like a shameless cash-grab to me. SHAME ON YOU!!!

Dear neighbors: Thanks so much for varnishing/stinky painting/chemical bombing your apartment Friday afternoon. Much as I enjoyed throwing open my windows and running the fan all night, I'd really appreciate if you didn't do it again. I don't need a chemical-fume-induced headache for the holidays. Especially not when it's December and 15 degrees outside and we're experiencing an inversion that makes you resistant to letting me leave the building door open to air out the hallway. *Note: The smell still lingers. Sigh.

Twice in 24 hours I was almost run off the road. Is it really THAT difficult to put on your blinker 3 seconds before moving into another lane? Furthermore, is it THAT difficult to check if anyone else is already in the lane? It drives me crazy when people jump in front of me only to drive more slowly than I am! You really couldn't wait a few more seconds for me to pass you?

Dear lady-who-is-holding-my-last-gift-hostage: Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeease call me back! Even if you can't get it to me in time. If it's not going to work out, I need to know so I can make other plans!!

I think Zooey Deschanel is adorable, and I enjoy that her character in New Girl is as awkward and ridiculous as I am, and I love her taste in clothes... but every time I see her in a mini-dress or short-shorts I think, "Oh, Zooey... you poor thing. You look so bad!" She doesn't quite have the legs to pull them off. On the flip side, it's awesome that she flaunts her flaws (is that the only one?) -- I'm not that confident! Maybe I'm just jealous of her cuteness. After all, every single other thing about her is practically perfect!!

Dear guy who thoughtlessly hurt my friend, causing her to be completely depressed for the better part of this week: Fix it, NOW! For a moment, try to put yourself in HER shoes and do something that will be meaningful to and mindful of her -- PLEASE! She's been loyal to you and deserves a little kindness -- just because she has forgiven you for every transgression up to now doesn't mean she will be able to forever. The human heart can only take so much :-(

I'm usually bugged when people complain about Utah weather, but even I must agree that this inversion has gone on too long. I can no longer pretend it's just clouds! I really, really, really hope we have a nice, big snowstorm soon, and that it somehow manages not to interfere with anyone's travel plans. Not only do we need the clean air, but it would be sooo nice to have snow for Christmas :-D

I want my long, relaxing, holiday vacation to start nooooooooooooooww! Sorry, Work. I'll do what I can, but my heart just isn't in it. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas as I just want to celebrate!!!

End of rant.

After all, who can feel Grinchy when their brother might dress like this on Christmas day?

Buddy: Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol.

Jovie: No way.

Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.

Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.

Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.

Jovie: I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.

Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.

Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.

Buddy: No there's not. Wait...

[Starts singing loud and off-key]

Buddy: I'm singing/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!

Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!

Buddy: Yes there is!

Gimbel's Manager: No there's not!

Buddy: We sing all the time!

Gimbel's Manager: No you don't!

Buddy: Especially when we build toys!

[Back to Jovie]

Buddy: See?

Excuse me while I go put on some Christmas carols!