Amazing April

April was an odd, rainy month, full of new beginnings and celebration. I started my new job, went to Disneyland, and played a lot. Life started to slow down and settle down a little. I'm grateful. After three stressful months of unemployment, I needed to find "normal" again.

The month started with General Conference. I was sick in bed on the Saturday, but I moved my laptop into bed with me and listened to quite a bit of it in between naps. I love General Conference. I listen to the talks every day and continue to draw strength and wisdom from the messages shared by the leaders of my church. I crave the peace of the Holy Spirit. I'd be a different person without it.

I met Wendy six years ago on my very first day in my current ward. She and I were both late to church and walked in together. She introduced me to Sylinda, and the three of us became good friends. Sylinda was married earlier this year, and she and I celebrated Wendy's April Fools Day wedding together. Wendy designs wedding dresses, so we were both curious "What does a wedding dress designer wear?" Something gorgeous, obviously. She looked so happy and radiant. She gives me hope. I am thrilled for her!

We all laughed that of COURSE Wendy had three different desserts at her wedding. Too perfect!

I was gifted a ticket to see Cowgirls at Pioneer Theatre Company. My friend Angie played a role in this all-girl musical, and I was impressed and proud of her skill. Everyone in the cast played their own instruments, and Angie nailed the fiddling, not to mention the singing, dancing, and acting. The play was at times poignant and other times hilarious. It would be a difficult one for community theaters to do, so I'm glad I had the chance to see the play at least once. It's was an entertaining evening!

Chantryce invited me to join her and a few others for lunch at Chili's on her birthday. Cutie Chantryce and her collection of loved ones. She loves with her whole heart and will protect and fight for the people most important to her. I'm honored that she includes me in the group.

I started my new job, and marveled at the view from my new "front door." At the Gateway, when I had a window, it overlooked the rooftops at the Gateway. Here, I see the mountains and grass and trees. It's glorious! I love living in Utah.

My first desk. Pretty sweet setup!

Sometimes I write myself helpful notes.
Sometimes I slap in a placeholder and call it good.

Rainy day view. Love the blossoming trees!

It seems that once in awhile during our team meetings, my new boss likes to give everyone a creative writing assignment and five minutes to explore an idea. Then we all read our stories out loud to each other. I don't remember the last time I did something like this. I enjoyed it. Not an exciting story, but I'm pretty proud of it anyway. #creativewriting #sliceoflife #outofpractice #worktolive #skillz

I finished several books this month: The Bands of Mourning, The Way of Kings, and Stars Above. All fantasy novels from different series. All wonderful. I don't understand how some people can not enjoy reading. I hope they find something someday that catches their imagination -- for me, there are few things more wonderful and relaxing!

I'm currently addicted to nutella. It's a problem.
No, I won't tell you how many jars I've eaten in the last three months.

Spent some time with the G-unit while he shot hoops. I admire his skill and tenacity in sports. He loves the activity and cannot wait to finish dinner and run over to the neighbor's house to use their hoop (he always asks them first). I expressed a curiosity if I could shoot a basket, and he went into coach mode, encouraging me to try, and being very impressed (and surprised) when I made 75% of the shots I tried. We talked about books and school. He told me his electives next year are choir and drama and I felt proud and hopeful. He's always loved to sing, so I hope he enjoys it. He's so grown-up all of a sudden.

THIS IS TRUTH!! I feel like every story I tell is terrible. My friends are sweet about it, though, always willing to listen. Someday the telling will match the ideas. Persistence is key!

Liz and I visited the Ogden Temple on a relentlessly rainy day. I'm glad she likes to go with me, and that she's always up for a photo, even if it's an adventure finding a photographer!

Dinner and hanging out with Laura, Theresa, and Shilene, and Theresa's family. We spent some time jumping on the trampoline (trying to get in our FitBit steps) and coloring. Most of the time we talked each other's ears off. Love these long-time friends!

Vanity selfie of a curl usually hidden by the rest of my hair. It's always a perfect ringlet underneath my mane. I'm a little obsessed with it.

Started a new journal. This one was a gift from Larissa. She bought it for me at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter last year. I love that she thought of me, and knew me well enough to know I'd love it. Thank you, darling friend!

Silly Facebook games and random generators. I am always curious and cannot resist trying every one!

This may be the only photo Lindsey allowed while she was pregnant. She's, like 36 weeks here. Tiny! She and Adam are a beautiful couple. I think it's awesome they're best friends. #lifegoals

Never know what I'm going to get when I ask these girls to "Smile!"

Note: Grammy and Papa put this new swingset in their yard this month. They are the cutest grandparents. I need a better photo of the set!

Baby PJ is a baby no more! He's a big, handsome two year old! His mom threw a barnyard-inspired party and we sang and celebrated the implacable, devious, adventurous little boy who has wrapped us all around his little fingers. What would we do without him?

With his favorite person, Papa!

Big cousin G teaches PJ how to hit a ball off a tee. The little guy is a natural!

Judging by all of the rain we got in April, the flowers in May are going to be AMAZING!! Cannot wait to visit the temple grounds and see for myself ;) May will be filled with work and play and auditions and I don't know what else. Should be fun!

Back in the metaphorical workforce saddle again!

I have a new job -- hallelujah!

Even better, it's with a great company who wants to pay me 20% more than I was getting paid last year at this time (before the raise, but still awesome), and people who I like. I've worked there before as a short-term contract writer, and now I finally have a full-time place with them. Instead of technical writing, I'll be doing instructional design. It's a big career change. Instead of creating PDFs and online help, I'll make how-to videos. I don't know the software I'll be writing about, or many of the tools. Yet.

I was unemployed for 12 weeks, and went through several stages of grief (over and over). It was an awful time. Larissa commented shortly after I accepted my new job that she knew I'd be all right, and she hoped when I lost my job that I'd relax and enjoy my unemployment, and she knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't enjoy it -- and I didn't. I worry about money when I have a job, but not having a job was horrible. 

Even so, I didn't jump into the search right away. I took a break until I went to New York. After that trip, there were weeks of terror and self-flagellation and stress and anxiety in regards to getting my resume ready, and looking for jobs, and interviewing*. I interviewed at my new company the first time right before FanX, and had two other interviews the next week. Interviewing is the absolute worst, you guys. People really DO ask questions like, "Name you five favorite/least favorite things" and "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Ugh. Thank goodness that first interview was with a friend, because my answers were rough.

When I got the call offering me the job, I was so, so sick. I thought the HR rep was going to say I didn't get it (he needs some work on his word choice and tone of voice), so I was shocked when he said I was the person they wanted. When he shared the proposed salary, I sat down on the carpet and quietly started crying. After all I'd been through, being rejected by my previous job and then again by multiple companies where I'd applied and who didn't even want to meet me, I was going to be okay. 

*BTW, as of my latest job, I have received an offer for every job I've interviewed for since I was 23. The streak may not last forever, but it's pretty darn cool!

During this time of joblessness, I learned a lot about my relationship with God and with my Savior, Jesus Christ. They took amazing care of me. I went to the temple almost every week those first two months. He sent angels to buy me dinner and shower me with love and support. I had some trouble with unemployment, but miraculously the day I ran out of severance money, the first two unemployment checks finally landed in my bank account. When I was at my most low, I felt most strongly the support of the Holy Ghost. I was inspired to apply for the jobs I did when I did, and it lead me to where I know I need to be. I hated this trial, and I'm still not thrilled I had to go through it, but I am grateful that I did not deal with it alone.

I started my new job nearly two weeks ago. That first week was brutal. Learning about the new company, processes, software, job, people, and building was like drinking from a firehose. It still feels like that. I'm learning slowly. Add on the fact that I got used to taking naps in the afternoon and forgot how exhausting it is to work a full day. Monday and Tuesday last week, all I could do when I got home was sit on the couch and force myself to stay awake until bedtime. Falling asleep was no problem.

My coworkers are crazy-supportive and kind and fun. Today at our daily stand-up, I realized that I feel like I belong. I like the four people with whom I spend the most time. I have other friends there who I have been out to lunch with a few times. It already feels like home in a way I never felt at my last workplace. I am lucky.

I am a different woman than I was in January. I don't know how long I will carry the scars of rejection and fear and loss from my layoff. Eventually, I'll feel confident in the work, and eventually I'll stop feeling resentful of and hurt by my previous job. It'll take time, but someday, I'll feel safe again.

It feels good to be useful. It feels good to not have to worry about where my next paycheck is coming from.  It's a new beginning.

It's gonna be good.

Out of a job. Again.

I was laid off from my job. I knew lay-offs were coming. I didn't know I'd be affected, but the R&D team follows a pattern, and all signs pointed to that week. I thought I'd have time to get ready, just in case. Of course, I wasn't prepared at all. I've survived a merger and about 7 rounds of layoffs in the last almost 6 years. I'm not saying it was time, but I have been pretty lucky and I'm grateful for that.

I get quite a bit of severance, and a few extra weeks of insurance coverage before I have to move to expensive COBRA. Hooray!


This would, of course, happen the year after I earn an extra week of vacation time (and said No to other opportunities because I was SO CLOSE to earning it). Now I won't get to use it. Great timing. Wish they'd give me the payout but since they're letting me go at the beginning of the year I haven't accrued any for 2016 :P At least I got a few extra days last year, if not the full 5.

The last time I was laid off, it was in January, too. January is not my friend.

I have loved all four managers I've worked with while here. They all truly cared about me and supported me no matter what. I've learned a lot from them professionally and value my time spent with them. They are friends I intend to keep in touch with, to send Christmas cards to if nothing else. Definitely to Friend on Facebook (I am friends with none of my current coworkers, so this is a big deal).

I'll be honest: I was disappointed when there was no fanfare when I shut my computer down for the last time. Just a little bit of the Star Wars theme would have done the trick. Oh well.

I don't know what's next. I want to take a few weeks to decompress and try to figure things out. I would have stayed at that job forever, you know? I liked the work and I was good at it. I'm not passionate about software, but they treated me well for the most part. I resent that this change has been forced on me. I always felt enabled to do plays and go on vacation because I had the job to come back to and I knew where my rent was coming from. Now that's been taken away. I have no idea what's going to happen.

A tiny cake gifted to me on a sad day

On the flip side, I can do anything I want. It could be a cool opportunity. I can go on vacation and sleep in and look for another type of work if I want to. I don't have to worry about supporting a family, so it's ok if I live on severance and unemployment for just a little while. Not too long, though. I get bored fairly easily.

Happily, I have a lot of support from my family and friends in the form of food, professional help,  cheerleading, and job options. Everyone keeps saying that any time they were laid off from a job the next one was better and everything worked out fine.

I think I finally believe them that I might be, too.

I guess we'll see.

No more Gateway monthly parking privileges for me. Boo.

Dicey December

I'll be honest, December was rough. There were definite highlights, like Christmas, and parties, and movies, and friend time. And yet it was all clouded over by the whole "you're alone AGAIN for the holidays this year" reality. I had a couple pity parties. There were a few times I wanted to clobber some clueless lovey-dovey folks in my circle. And some of the Facebook posts with the happy families forced me into a short FB break.

On the bright side, I'm about 15 pounds lighter than I was last year. That's nice. I can handle channeling my sometime loneliness through aggressive exercise (relaxing yoga is good, too). It's all about balance.

Anyhoo, here are some December highlights!

I made some major progress in two of my long-term projects at work. Then I took 12 days off for the holidays. What can I say? I hoard vacation time.

Just thinking about my Is He Dead? friends. "I've never seen such a long dog. That dog's not right!"

I hadn't seen any snow at the beginning of the month, but the rain and cold gave me hope!

I made my peanut butter cups for a Relief Society party and a Star Wars viewing. They are my faaaavorite!!

The Relief Society party included a cookie-baking demonstration, and some tips on how to make my cookies look extra impressive (especially when I'm in a hurry). There was also a raffle for prizes. Through a mix-up, my name was entered twice and I won twice. Mortified, I only accepted the first. Lemon cookies. They were AMAZING!

December 14: The first snow day of Winter 2015. We have had a TON of snow so far. Such a nice change from the previous two years!

I love receiving Christmas cards. I love seeing my friends' families' smiling faces and receiving something in the mail other than bills :)

I  saw Jason and several of my other friends in Babes in Toyland at CenterPoint. Rumor has it the theater won't be doing it again, so I'm glad I can say I saw it. Lots of great moments and comedic timing. The sixties scenes and music were a little odd, tho.

My ward had a goal for a sister in each Relief Society and an elder in each Elders Quorum to pick a night in a 30 day period to attend the temple so that someone was there for all of the 30 days. I picked the 16th and did initiators at the Salt Lake Temple. Afterwards, I walked around the grounds to look at the lights, but I was concerned about poking someone with the umbrella I'd brought with to shield me from the snow so I didn't stay very long. The lights never disappoint, and neither does time in the House of the Lord!

Liz's birthday party is always a highlight! I pieced together a cute cocktail-type outfit, at a bunch of chocolate strawberries, and talked about Star Wars and Christmas with a lot of terrific people. Already looking forward to next year!

With the birthday girl

Chantryce and me

One of my days off work, I spent a day at the movies and saw Spectre, The Peanuts Movie, The Good Dinosaur, and Star Wars: The Force Awakens (for the third time). I managed to get my 10,000 steps in anyway by walking around The Gateway between showings.

The picture cut out during The Good Dinosaur and we spent 10 minutes hearing the movie without seeing anything. Fortunately, management rewound the film so we wouldn't miss anything. Afterwards they gave us movie passes as an apology. Oddly, the night before the sound cut out during a big-screen viewing of the Doctor Who Christmas Special "The Husbands of River Song." They also rewound the movie, thank goodness. After that, I'm a little worried something else might go wrong in the near future. Doesn't bad news come in threes?

My mom makes fantastic sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies. I couldn't get enough of the gingerbread this year. They're cute AND tasty!

Couldn't resist a few "End of the Year" apps. Here are what the internet deemed my most significant photos from the year:

Three years ago, I went to Disneyland for New Year's Eve. Two years ago, I attended a dance and an after party. Last year I played games with my best friend and her family.

This year, I had a quiet night at home in my pajamas, watching Lawrence of Arabia and 2001: A Space Odyssey, and eating popcorn and chocolate cake, and reading The BFG and Imzadi. I needed some "me" time. It was great. (I did have to ask my downstairs neighbors to turn down their music around 2 am so I could go to bed. They were very nice about it.)

Calm before the storm, maybe? Who knows. But I'm looking forward to the new year!