February funk

I'm bored!

No vacation and no play makes Megan a dull girl.

(And you all are thinking "Megan, today is February 1st! How can you be in a funk already?!!)

This time last year, I'd just come home from an eye-opening cruise and had no job or other form of income, so it's possible I'm still a little traumatized. I got so depressed and sick during Febrary that I barely had energy for anything but dragging myself out of bed three times a week to do a show. I slept until noon just about every day because I had no reason to get up before then. Thankfully, the illness cleared up just as soon as I found that wonderful temp job.

So maybe this year I'm just worried I'll fall into another depression that my fears are making me antsy.

That, and I don't want my freshly-dyed red hair to go to waste.

I want a project to give me an excuse to take photographs and change my Facebook profile photo. But I must admit, my current profile photo is a really good one.

Usually when I feel like this I audition for a show, but even though there's a fun audition this weekend I'm not sure if that's really what I want to do right now. I miss the demanding schedule and fun costumes and honing my talents and laughing with my castmates (the best way to get to know anyone is to find out what makes them laugh and then make sure it happens often). On the other hand, I like being available when people ask me to do things -- especially when my friends have impossibly busy schedules -- and I like letting my hair be its natural crazy self, and I like that I have time to take a Zumba class right now and hopefully start tap in a few weeks, and help my mom baby-sit my nieces and nephew once in awhile. Plus, I'm still waiting to find out what a few theatres are doing this summer. I'd hate to be tied up in a show and find out too late that someone's doing one of my "dream" shows.

I like the idea of doing some home improvement, but I'm so busy playing with friends, going to Zumba, supporting local theatre as an audience member, and other engagements that I don't have time to putter around at home (and yet, those things exist when I do a play and they magically seem to fade away... or get put off... same diff).

I'm suddenly stressed about my finances, so I don't want to do anything expensive like go on another vacation right away... which may -- again -- be related to the fact that last year when I lost my job I cancelled a vacation I wasn't sure I could afford. Even if I did want to go somewhere, my weekends this month all seem to be booked anyway. Meanwhile: Yay for my friends who want to see me!

And I'm annoyed that I can't seem to follow up on my commitment to actually ask so-and-so out. It all seems so easy when I write down my words and practice in the mirror, but when he's right there -- surrounded my his friends and admirers -- I lose my resolve. Then I just feel hopeless and frustrated and lonely and I really need something to take my mind off it.

Restless and bored.

I'm not really looking for suggestions or answers, just complaining. One thing I've learned is that this feeling rarely lasts very long. Even I'm surprised at the randomness of some of the things that cheer me up, like leftover rotisserie chicken, or recovering from an embarassing fall at Zumba, or listening to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on my iPod while finishing up a project at work.

Thank goodness February is only 28 days long!