Dear Bruise on My Arm,

Where in the world did you come from? You arrived two weeks ago, as evidenced by a tender pain, and yet I don't remember whacking my arm into anything. You kind of look like a thumbprint, but I don't remember anyone grabbing my arm either. You quickly turned deep purple, and then settled into a lovely yellow-green. Now, you look like a random tan spot on the skin over my left femur. And yet, every time I see you I go "oh, yeah! Where did you come from?"

Also, where did your cousin, bruise-on-my-right-leg come from? I don't remember doing anything to warrant that either. Have I taken up sleep walking? This guy is quite a bit bigger and bluer than you, bruise-on-my-arm. How clueless do I have to be not to notice something jabbing the inside of my leg? Did I drop something? If it were the shin or outside of my leg I might not be so confused, but the inside? Weird.

Now you've been joined by painful-bruise-on-my-ankle. Since I almost started crying when I ran into the coffee table last night, I have no question where that came from. I hope I didn't scare you with all of the wordless screaming; the pain was amplified when I put the frozen strawberries on it. But at least I put it on the painful spot for a little while. The ankle is twice as big as normal, but it's not purple. I probably should have left the ice on longer, but the frozen strawberries thawed and are now a paste, and since it was midnight and I was supposed to be in bed I thought it a waste of time to freeze my medical ice pack (should I just leave it in the freezer? I don't need it that often...). Plus, I didn't want to use regular ice because I feared I'd fall asleep, accidently break the plastic baggie, and have water all over my bed. Thankfully, it only throbbed until I fell asleep, which didn't take too long...

Oh! Hello bruise-on-my-elbow! You arrived this morning shortly before bruise-on-my-scalp. Um, welcome? I'd say "nice to see you" but 1) I'm not that happy about you, and 2) you're both in places I can't actually see. I can feel you, though.

Bruise-on-my-arm, thanks for the visit. It's been educational and entertaining to watch as you grew, changed, and started to fade. Will you please take all of your relatives and go away quickly? It's swimsuit season and I loathe to explain that no, I haven't been beaten up, I'm just apparently really clumsy.

Thanks and many regards,

Miss Megan

p.s. Keys and cell phone, will you stop randomly jumping out of my fingers? Especially in public places? I'm a little tired of picking you up, so I'd appreciate it.